Seriously, I had had absolutely enough with all those society crap, and I have the strong need to post this up and to share with other people.
We are free and have absolute "free will", yes.......
but only by the time we do not have the need of survival. At small age we need to listen to our parents. At school we need to listen to the teacher. In university we need to prepare to listen to our boss. Even we run a business we need to listen to our client. When on earth is this called free?
Everywhere and everything around us is what shaped us. Look around the shops on what they sell, the buildings that people consider great and good. Other than the ten or twenty styles I saw, there really isn't anything out of that box.
To break through this ignorance, the person will have to pay the price. Sometimes it is so heavy that it can affect our survival badly. At the same time, since you are free of those junks, you can, if you want, see the world in a prespective that differs to everyone else. This means if everybody dies you may have a greater chance to survive because you can see hiding places, whereas others cannot.
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Here is my story,
So what price I paid? My personality changed to a point where no one will recognise me anymore. Half of my old "shaped" self had been ripped apart like crispy cake by my desire to change. It costed me to completely lose trust of my family and friends that I once consider to be compainion because I cannot stand their ignorance. It is not the type of ignorance or lack of knowledge as we think it is, but it's how my parents previously control my social network by previously call one of my friend as "money sucker" before she even did that, and call another friend of mine whatever they want to call. Ok say I don't talk about the past since they raise me. I talked to them as their honest daughter about the issue they are facing themselves. I am seeing them losing major amount of money because of an investment they made and as a daughter, I have to point it out straight.
... until that time when I showed a photo of my happiness with the best friend I ever had. Guess what I get from that - My mum pointed at the photo *alone*, seriously, and called my friend right in front of me. She opened her mouth. The first word that came to her mouth is my friend being a "witch", devil and a person that is not nice. She even accused her of being "mentally retarded" by looking at her eyes alone.
This is extremely unfair to my friend because of what my mum said about her, just by a photo alone and nothing else. She did not even see nor talk to her, but instead she judge a person like this in a photo. Commenting a person having a not so beautiful face due to a matter of taste is different from saying a person as "mentally retarded". The first is neither a comment nor a critique. The second one is called insult. Give an example if you try to tell other people that they are a witch, devil and mentally retarded in front of their face, I would be very interested to see what will happen to you.
"If a photo alone can be used to judge a person, then what are actors for?"
Since my parents and I promised to be honest with each other, I pointed out my mum's mistake straight to her, as well as to my dad. The most homourous thing in the world happens here. Firstly, they said the same thing over and over again. Mum said she said that because she love me and like people that are cute and innocient since those people suit me more. Dad said that I accused mum when I try to explain to him like this in email afterwards.
Quote:
.... all I would like to ask is to let the flow go even there is something out there I need to face, and for you to respect my decision.
However, you also need to remember, that there is a dramatic difference between a constructive comment and a destructive one that aim to hurt people's feeling. The first one will always gain respect and happiness. The second one, in mum's case, completely shattered my heart.
A constructive comment will always come with the intention of love, caring and respect of other people. There is no exception to this. Give an example, when one give a comment on somebody else other than me, one should always have BOTH that person and myself, in account.
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Not only both mum and dad did not admit their mistake, I got backfired badly for being honest about pointing out my mum's mistake. They not only broke their promise they made 6 years ago, my trust to them is completely shattered to dust.
Conclusion? Their ignorance, insecure and unwilling to admit their own mistake had not only wasted my very precious 21 years, plus the 10 years inside those 21 years being bullied, discriminate and accuse constantly for 5 days a week. They are the one that get me MY illness, depression and those medical diagonise I do not deserve a finger to have, being put in a disabled group and see as having autism. Say for example, will you consider a person nice if they put poison in your tea then bring you to the doctor when you got poisoned?
It isn't over yet. Not completely. Now since my personality is changed, I lost all my friends I previously made and have to find a new set of friends again. I am lucky enough that I can stand right here and post my life changing experience without going completely out of shape and hope, and is being able to do homework and hand in assignments as usual.
Free will? What a joke for me. What I saw in my past life is an twisted prespective of love from people that don't even have a clue about what love and acceptance is. How will I ever learn to socialize when I live in an environment like that at all? How can I accept different types of personality when my mother give me such a bad example and chase my friends off?
I forgot the credit - I have to thank the person that changed my life forever