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Negative Attachment

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  • Negative Attachment

    We usually think that we are attached only to someone we like. But we can also be attached to somebody we dislike. How can we detach ourselves from a person we dislike?

    There are two kinds of attachment: positive attachment and negative attachment. Positive attachment comes when you like someone. You are all the time trying to please that person and you are trying also to be pleased by that person. Negative attachment means that you have an enemy. He is jealous of you and you are jealous of him. At the same time, your mind is not at all free from thinking of that person. All the time that person is operating in your mind in a negative way. Constantly you are thinking of how you can surpass that particular person and make him feel that you are superior to him. There is a kind of challenging attitude that you have.

    Either way, you have no time to think of yourself. Either you are thinking of your friend or you are thinking of your enemy. But when you are thinking of your friend, it is in a positive way. You are trying to bind that person or you are allowing that person to bind you. You get joy by thinking of that person and you get joy if that person also thinks of you. The negative way means that you want to hurt that person and, at the same time, you do not want to be hurt. You try to hurt the person whom you dislike and, at the same time, you want that person to be silent. You don't want him or her to strike you back. You want to stay on the top of the tree and you want that person to remain at the foot of the tree.

    But in both cases you have to know that you are binding the other person and being bound by him. If you want anything from that person on the physical plane, you are only binding him. And that particular person wants something from you, he is also binding you. On the physical plane it is always like that.

    But on the spiritual plane we have only a devoted feeling toward someone. It is not attachment; it is only the devoted feeling of oneness, inseparable oneness. When we deal with ordinary people, unaspiring people, it is all attachment. We are binding someone with our desire and that person is binding us with his desire. But a spiritual person, a spiritual Master, we do not bind. Only we are trying to throw ourselves into his vast consciousness, which our soul feels. When we throw ourselves into his boundless consciousness, that means that we are going to be free. At that time we want to be with the Vast, in the Vast and for the Vast. We consciously dive into the infinite and act with and for the infinite.

    But when we throw ourselves into someone who is unillumined and we want that person to throw his or her existence into us, naturally it is all darkness and limitation. Where there is darkness there is limitation. We are entering into darkness consciously or unconsciously, since the other person is not illumined and also we are not illumined. Two blind persons going together can never show light to each other. Two sick persons in the hospital cannot offer strength to each other.

  • #2
    attachments are tricky business. They can be a scary. some might say it's the only road.

    Good post.


    • #3
      Learning to let go can be the hardest thing of all...

      “What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you went to heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if,when you awoke,you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then?”
      ― Samuel Taylor Coleridge



      • #4
        Thank you for this Miami, I needed it today, you have helped me more than you can imagine.

        *bows* (shame we in the west don't do that anymore, I've always thought of it as a nice way to show respect for one another)


        • #5
          These are some really great points for me to consider Miami. thanks for this.


          • #6
            I generally don't harbour negative attachments to anyone, but there is one girl that I haven't even seen for 8 months and she is still a "ggggrrrrrrrrr" in my mind. So weird that I can't let it go and why the person that she is irritated and (still) effects me so much. I have wondered in the past if she was my negative twin - the complete opposite to who I am and what I stand for.


            • #7
              wow very good post hun

              ....makes me ponder


              • #8

                So we basically just need to let go of our grudges and hatred towards people, and it'd help us become more positive people. Makes sense.
                "So in life, some enter the services of fame and others of money,
                but the best choice is that of these few who spend their time in the contemplation of nature,
                and as lovers of wisdom." - Pythagoras


                • #9
                  Its something i need to keep in mind too... It's easy to slip.

                  Thanks to all!


                  • #10
                    Identity. Attaching to my Identity always gets me.

                    Gentle, kind, forgiving, nurturing, compassionate, respectful, attentive. From me to me.


                    • #11

                      There are two kinds of attachment: positive attachment and negative attachment. Positive attachment comes when you like someone. You are all the time trying to please that person and you are trying also to be pleased by that person. Negative attachment means that you have an enemy.
                      Attachments are a lot more complicated than just that though.

                      You can have a negative attachment to someone you like, or even love. In fact I think those are the WORST attachments. Almost all attachments are bad IMO.. for me it's not so much about "negative" or "positive" but I may be using the word attachment differently than how you mean it.

                      For example, a lot of people are attached to those they love in some limiting way. I don't really believe we should be attached to anyone. I think love should be free. Like when I was with my ex, we loved each other, but he wanted to define our relationship as "boyfriend and girlfriend" which meant certain things in his mind, such as that we should live together and be together "forever".

                      ^This was a limiting mental attachment, and one I didn't have. Our whole relationship he planned on "forever" and I always said, forever doesn't exist, everything changes and I can't promise him something that isn't the reality. In reality, I didn't know what was going to happen. And then I figured out that I wanted to travel and I wanted to travel ALONE. This was an important part of my souls journey for some reason.

                      I was not attached to the idea of forever with him, and although it hurt, I was pretty easily able to accept the fact that I would be leaving and his idea of us being "boyfriend girlfriend" would have to change. I decided this in like a day and he went through months of anger and resentment towards me because he had all those attachments to definitions of "us" that he had to break down.

                      Maybe I'm an alien, but it doesn't make sense in my mind. Our love was still the same, but he couldn't accept that we were not "boyfriend girlfriend" anymore. This was because of attachments.

                      At some point I just learned mental attachments were nothing more than strings in our minds connecting two things. I believe Love between two people cannot be broken but it's ATTACHMENT that causes heartbreak, pain, etc. All life is suffering because of attachment, if people knew how to let this go, there wouldn't be half as much anger in the world. People are angry at their own minds.

                      We get attachments in our mind because we set expectations and definitions of things we cannot control. One shouldn't think of the word attachment to mean.. say.. caring about someone you love. Because you can love and care without holding a limiting attachment.

                      Leaves fluttering before the wind;
                      How to convey their splendor?
                      I know this stone pagoda
                      With my entire body,
                      And laugh at the changes of earthly life.

                      - Fugai Ekun (1568-1654)