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  • Hateful, vicious sister in law

    My sister in law is the most vicious, hateful person I know. After ten years of my husband and I being together, she still tries to put a wedge in our relationship. I have never been mean to her, yet she has slandered me all across town and to anyone who will listen. I have another post about some of this, she is right in the middle stirring the pot, still to this day. She talks about all the women in the family and makes us feel like we dont belong. She is jealous of the time spent between my mother in law and our children, one who has autism, so my mother in law who babysits to help out about once every six weeks, will back out to watch my sister in laws dog. She doesnt want them to spend money on our kids, because she is use to her mom giving her money and paying for cruise trips and clothes for her. Her mother also cleans her house for her, while she ridicules everybody elses house in the family and treats us all like scumballs. She is 33yrs old, no kids and lives in a garage with her hubby, yet she drives fancy cars, clothes and goes on expensive trips. She controls everybody through manipulation and bullying, she also abused her brother growing up, he cant stand her. When somebody needs help in the family or has a problem, she exposes very personal problems to the whole town, offering NO help and builds herself up on other peoples misfortune. My husband and I are staying away from her
    Last edited by Soulsearcher29; 05-23-2008, 09:16 AM. Reason: edit
    Hello, I love you, wont you tell me your name
    Hello, I love you, let me jump in your game

    -The Doors

  • #2
    Sorry about the rant, Im on my downhill slope today
    Hello, I love you, wont you tell me your name
    Hello, I love you, let me jump in your game

    -The Doors

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    • #3
      Man I can't believe having to deal with someone like that. There are people like that I think in every family, varying degrees of course.
      I can't imagine... I think the reason why she does it is because she absolutley hates herself. In order for your sister in law to feel like somebody big and important she uses gossip to make herself look better, aka my brothers wife is blah blah blah. What SHE doesn't realize is that, that kind of talk does make her look ugly. The people she tells wouldn't trust her with anything, and they certainly wouldn't go to her to keep a secret. They look upon her as a tiny woman with a tiny heart. You say something about your brother's son having autism because of his wife to another person? They are going to say, "omg I think you're right" and inside say "omg that is a horrible thing to say."
      I dont think you have to worry too much about your sister in law because everyone always gets theirs, it sounds like she already has. How is her marriage? It sounds like they have a lot of problems, probably induced by her. Look at this way, you are a bigger person because you DON'T deal with things like she does.
      Yes it sucks and hurts and all of those things and she has 0 right to do any of it, but I would continue to do what you're doing. If her words don't effect you then she hasn't won.
      Of course, if she starts up again, tell her to stop it she looks like a tiny little girl when she does it.

      Blue Overtone Eagle

      I Empower in order to Create
      Commanding Mind
      I seal the Output of Vision
      With the Overtone tone of Radiance
      I am guided by the power of Abundance

      Egyptian/Mayan Bday Affirmation

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      • #4
        thats what my father in law and my husband says, but see I usually dont complain about her, because we are not close and I cant get close to someone like that, but my husband gets upset and he will tell his mom and dad, but they really dont care unless she is giving them a hard time. I just keep it inside and forget about it until his family has another get together and she isnt there, I will be sitting by his mother and she will call a dozen times to see when I have left so she can come...what the heck? I dont even talk to her most of the time, I keep my distance, its something she has made up in her head to cause a problem...but I ignore it and have a good time anyways, but many times I am a target of her obsessions even though I play a minimal part in her life. I dont fight with her, we have never even had an arguement really, we say hi and thats about it. Oneday she will come up and have a small conversation with me and its kind of uncomfortable but I'll be nice and then the next time she is not coming to dinner because of me....so weird, Im like where is this coming from, we really dont have a relationship for her to be acting like that.
        Hello, I love you, wont you tell me your name
        Hello, I love you, let me jump in your game

        -The Doors

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        • #5
          This sounds like it falls into the category of experiences for me that my good friends tease me about. I am a target for no reason. I do nothing and it incites attack. Sometimes my biggest sin is "breathing while being me."

          I think some non-Indigos are oblivious to our way of thinking. Or maybe they think it is odd and doesn't make sense. But then I think there are those that sense the attunement to injustice, giftedness or something and it drives them to attack. Kinda like psychic vampirism or evil eye but something more specific. So I think all the psycho-spiritual boundary setting stuff is the main way to defend against her energy.

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          • #6
            Lets see here, we have a very powerful woman and a very tiny, spiteful, envious, self hating woman.

            So, what does she have against you? Everything! Everything she really wants. Everything! In her head, I am sure this thought is going right now. "That bitch gets everything, all of my mother.. MY MOTHER's time, she must be saying bad things about me behind my back, and my marriage is going to shit while her husband is all loving to her. I am twice the woman she is. I need a vacation because this bimbo is driving me crazy." (I am not kidding about that thought)

            I would like you to notice that everything in that thought is a statement of how it is someone else's fault that she is miserable. She will never escape this trap until she starts taking responsibility for herself.

            Now, how do you deal with this? Stop denying it. Start setting boundaries.

            Denial - You are in denial of a lot of what is happening. You are quite in tune with your intuition. These things are really happening. Sweeping it under the rug does not work. Ignoring it does not work. She is attacking you because you have power and she does not. She is taking your power.

            Boundaries - She is taking your power, stop it. Meet it head on. Set boundaries. Call her out when she says she is not coming to dinner because of you. Tell everyone involved your entire conversational history. They will probably be shocked. They have heard so much from her, on and on and on. And when you say you have had about three paragraphs of conversation...
            Let other people know the truth of you. Most people involved in this are only hearing her side of the story. They know she is probably blowing it all out of proportion, but they also believe that there must be some kernel of truth in it. In other words, they believe that she is making mountains out of what probably was a hill, but they do not know that she is making a mountain out of what is an ant hill.
            When you hear a rumor started from her, ask her about it. Make her aware that you know what she is doing. Do not be angry, portray disappointment. Let her eat herself.

            Realize that she is a very small woman that craves love. Love that she will not give to herself. The best way to work this out is to really love her. This is by far the hardest thing I have suggested. Do the other two things first.

            If you have a puppy that bites, you do not allow it to keep biting.
            You smack it on the nose every time it tries to bite. You do not tolerate it biting, not even once.

            Love yourself even more

            BuilderOfCastles

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            • #7
              She's a happiness vampire. These people are hard to understand. My grandmother is one. You must distance yourself from her. I moved away from her and I am as happy as a lark. Both of my parents succumbed to her stress. They eat all relationships because they are needy. Black holes. Hapiness makes them sick and insecure.

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              • #8
                Both of you are right, lol, I was in denial, thinking I didnt want to start an altercation, she is a very confrontational person...and she isnt that small...Im not scared of her, but I do think she is like a black hole, sucking all the happiness out of the environment, all the while trying to void that emptiness with material things. She has the very upfront, confrontational side, that she has never used with me, but with me, she is very vicious, envious, calculating, slanerous person...but she is like that with some other women I know. When she wants, which isnt very often, she has this sweet side, thats very endearing, very vulnerable and childlike, you want to give her a hug and empathize with her, none of us have had perfect childhoods no matter what other people see about us. She can be very standoffish if you try to even stand in her personal space though. Personally, I dont think she grew up in a very affectionate household, where kids were rewarded with materialistic things and not hugs and compliments. She sucked her thumb until she was older than 10 years old. I do see what she thinks I dont, or maybe she knows, but I havent handled it well, I never set personal boundaries with her, I just let them run me over with a stern and poker face and then brush of the negativity and forget about them. The have always treated my husband like this, so I guess they think it is okay to treat me like that too. I have this problem anyways, not setting boundaries with friends, family and acquaintances, now I do with my husband and kids. I will try to work on that and speak up, I never get involved in that stuff, but your right, I do need to stand up for myself because alot of people only hear her side and she knows more people than I do because I am not from here and I can be very shy and reserved, which they take full advantage of. Thanks for the replies and I will try to work on this, and I will tell you if anything happens and how I handled it. god bless
                Hello, I love you, wont you tell me your name
                Hello, I love you, let me jump in your game

                -The Doors

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                • #9
                  pleae do me a favor dont let her win .fight her at every corner send her love as you do. shell either jump off a cliff or have a break down and end up in the hospital or karma will catch up to her in the end. the peacefull warrior
                  ps by letting her take control of your mother in law that way youve lost a batltle dont let her do that again to win the war

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