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  • Shame

    Shame is different than guilt. Guilt is thinking one did something wrong. Shame is believing one is wrong.

    Has shame become you?

    http://www.forhealing.org/shame.html

    http://counsellingonstirling.com.au/...ing_shame.html

  • #2
    shhhhh .... nobody wants to talk about shame
    ~ A Clockwork Indigo ~

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    • #3
      Haha--I looked for this thread to see if anyone responded. And I said to myself, 'Of course no one responded. It's about shame.



      What I found interesting about this research on shame is that 'shame attacks' occur. What a huge huge topic...and it is so seldom discussed.

      It is quite freeing once one realizes shame has taken them over. That is, of course, if shame has taken them over. I am sure there are people out there who didn't grow up feeling shame.

      Shame shame shame shame shame shame shame.

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      • #4
        i say fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck when it comes up.
        !soil first! every garden is an experiment no experiment is a failure
        ------------------------------------** eat lots of salad! **-----------------------------------

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        • #5
          I'm completely bewildered, rabana used the F word ... epic!


          Not sure why it's so difficult to talk about shame; perhaps the feeling in itself suggests that whatever led to shame is something one should hide ... it makes "sense" to hide the associated shame too then, no?
          ~ A Clockwork Indigo ~

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          • #6
            It's good to know when it comes up!!! My guess is there are a lot of people who don't even realize it drives their every behavior.

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            • #7
              Yes, because shame is about being something wrong. Wrong in your core essence. I just realized how big it is in me with the help of psychotherapy.

              Shame is a big secret we try to keep from ourselves so if others see it---how shaming!!

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              • #8
                I have to read those articles when I get a chance; I have a hard time differentiating shame and guilt for some reason.
                ~ A Clockwork Indigo ~

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                • #9
                  I did too until I read it. It makes a lot of sense now. Shame is very young. Shame is more physical. It is often instilled around the age of 2 or 3. There is no atonement for shame. You are just defected.

                  Guilt there is atonement for. We can make up for something we feel guilty about.

                  Shame is close to humiliation. There is a chapter in my book on 'healthy shame'. I'll read that later. That might be where it is related to guilt.

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                  • #10
                    That makes sense; guilt is possibly fixable whereas shame is deeply rooted.

                    What book are you reading?
                    ~ A Clockwork Indigo ~

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                    • #11
                      Info taken from Chapter Three 'Excessive Shame: The Shame Based Person' from the book Letting Go Of Shame by Ronald Potter-Efron and Patricia Potter-Efron.


                      "Most people can stand up to normal, temporary shame. That kind of shame certainly hurts, but it will disappear. Good shame provides messages we need to hear. But, for the person who lives in excessive shame, shame never seems to go away, no matter what she does. If she listened to it all the time, she might be driven to take desperate actions or just give up in despair. This extreme shame seems to painful to endure.

                      There are several ways people distort their shame feelings. The person who represses shame may not even be aware she is defending herself from the feeling of shame. She may not even recognize shame as a problem.
                      Defenses against shame may help the person deal with self hatred and pain. But in the long run they do not heal shame."
                      Defenses against shame:

                      Denial
                      Withdrawal
                      Rage
                      Perfectionism
                      Arrogance
                      Exhibitionism

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by lillies1978 View Post
                        That makes sense; guilt is possibly fixable whereas shame is deeply rooted.

                        What book are you reading?
                        LOL--I answered your question not knowing you asked it. Letting Go Of Shame by Ronald Potter-Efron and Patricia Potter-Efron.


                        It is a good book, but the pronoun "she" is used a lot when talking about a person with shame. I tend to think men have it just as much as women but it does show itself in different ways.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by lillies1978 View Post
                          I'm completely bewildered, rabana used the F word ... epic!
                          then you have me totally wrong lillies. i'm from the 60's-- we brought the f word out to the world. i used to swear pretty freely here, only recently cut back.

                          i read once that shame makes an actual physical reaction-- a shudder or wince, and the swearing is like that.
                          !soil first! every garden is an experiment no experiment is a failure
                          ------------------------------------** eat lots of salad! **-----------------------------------

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by evergreen View Post
                            LOL--I answered your question not knowing you asked it. Letting Go Of Shame by Ronald Potter-Efron and Patricia Potter-Efron.


                            It is a good book, but the pronoun "she" is used a lot when talking about a person with shame. I tend to think men have it just as much as women but it does show itself in different ways.
                            I noticed and stumbled over the use of "she" in the exert you posted; it seems odd ...
                            ~ A Clockwork Indigo ~

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                            • #15
                              The copyright is 1989.

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