Fuck everything else,Im asking you what you see

[MARAA]

Fuck everything else, I have one question,on my mind, since he told me he sees others once in a while, okay, I have asked him everything I want to know straight out,but he told me he will answer later,but hes not answered yet. He is always ´out in the forest somewhere´(love the woods) fridays,saturdays and holidays. now hes gone again,and I feel the anger rise, because I smell fish. I told him its okay,to see others,once in a while or even together,but that I do want exclusivity some kind of it,since thats how I am.
Long,stable relationship just the way,we are,with others I made clear is not what I seek this time, so Im asking you,do you smell fish too? can you see,I mean with your psycic mind, if he is having long term relationship with a harem of girls,doing exactly what we are doing,him and I? (or a girlfriend,perhaps?) does he say and do and promise them,exactly the same as me? Im not talking about once in a while´s here.
can you get something? can you also get,what exactly hes doing?
For me its huge difference in once in a while´s fuck buddies and serious long terms and under same conditions as me.
forget,what Ive said,forget bdsm,its THIS Im asking about.

---------- Post added at 12:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:22 PM ----------

It could also just as well be,that I asked him about wether me getting/having fuckbuddies,and/or a loverelationship,what we do then,it just it might be he was thinking we could develop and feel its awkward.what do I know.

[Celticknot]

[QUOTE=MARAA;433877]Fuck everything else, I have one question,on my mind, since he told me he sees others once in a while, okay,

It is okay. According to your previous responses in the other thread concerning this person, this is part of the BDSM lifestyle that none of us understand. .

I have asked him everything I want to know straight out,but he told me he will answer later,but hes not answered yet. It is okay.


According to your previous responses in the other thread this is part of the BDSM lifestyle that none of us understand. .



I do want exclusivity some kind of it,since thats how I am.It is okay.

According to your previous responses in the other thread this is part of the BDSM lifestyle that none of us understand. .



Long,stable relationship just the way,we are,with others I made clear is not what I seek this time, so Im asking you,do you smell fish too?


yes and so do you but you won't accept what others are telling you.

can you see,I mean with your psycic mind, if he is having long term relationship with a harem of girls,doing exactly what we are doing,him and I?

Yes but when people told you he was manipulating and using you , you said we ddin't understand the BDSM lifestyle. We however do understand lack of regard, manipulation and using people regardless of what sort of seuxual bi play we are involved in.

(does he say and do and promise them,exactly the same as me?

Yes, that is what manipulators do. Manipulation has nothing to do with BDSM on a intrapersonal level. They are found in all levels of sexual orientation.

Im not talking about once in a while´s here.
can you get something? can you also get,what exactly hes doing?

He's manipulating and using you. But this isn't the first time its's been noted.


So you won't listen to your own intuition which is explcitly displayed here or anyone elses I'm not sure what you will do .

[MARAA]

see, again you pull BDSM in to it,and it can easily be done to ´judge´this without it. but you are PREJUDGING BECAUSE OF BDSM. I ask you to forget the bdsm part and focuse on the other.

[Celticknot]

I can't forget it because you kept reminding me of it.

What you fail to understand is that BDSM is not a person or an individual or a person its a sexual choice. This is what you don't understand. You can be outside the BDSM lifestyle and be a manipulative player and you can be in the BDSM lifestyle and not be.

You are waiting for someone to tell you what you want to hear and , my beloved, we will not be the ones to give you that grave disservice.

Dump him and find someone who is not using you BDSM or not.

[MiamiSound]

You already know the answer. Be strong, good luck.

[3DFireStarteR]

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[MARAA]

its just,that many things in bdsm can for those that dont know about it can seem only negative,controling manipulating abuse you name it,when it is NOT.

[3DFireStarteR]

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[ThetaAbundance]

What is interesting is how you defend the behavior once you ask for someone who is intutively helping you. No offense, just not sure if you see that.

He is manipulating you and he is playing games. I don't have to be intuitive to see that. I am but that's neither here nor there.

If you wish to be treated this way, it's your choice. It really sounds like you don't, but you are stuck attracting men who abuse you and treat you less than.


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[heartcurves]

Wow. First of all calm yourself down. Have some tea, do some crosswords.
If you're unsure about a relationship, you need to take it with calmer strides.
Maybe your anxiousness is causing him to be pushed away.
Judging by what you've posted, you're mad...and you may want to calm before you make a rational decision.
Honestly, I feel like you're letting paranoia get the best of you.
Once you've been hurt in the relationship, it's hard to trust someone again.
If you really want a commitment, I think it's only fair that you do the same.
You mentioned that he and you both want or wanted at some point FWB. Now, you claim you only want a monogamous relationship.
Well, if you want that you're going to have to show loyalty to him.
If he's going around on the weekends he's obviously feeling smothered by your relationship. Since the weekend is usually the time when couples go on dates. Along with holidays.

Maybe you just need to find someone else and start over fresh. But if you're the overly clingy type, you may need to relax a bit and focus more on yourself and improving yourself before you go out looking for a relationship. You might have a better eye for a guy that would be right for you.

But, if you're deadset on this guy, you need to improve your own behavior.
Stop being a nervous wreck. You need to trust him, and show him some reason to trust you as well. Who knows, maybe he has the wrong idea bout your relationship in the first place.

Also, if you'd like to learn remote viewing, it's best if you're not learning out of spite. Because once you do, and you get out of your physical body, you might be ill prepared for the entities that will greet you. Or your paranoia will interfere with the remote viewing and you will will something to happen out of fear of it happening [meaning you'll cloud your vision into a dream-like state in which you'll only see what you want to be seeing, which isn't what you want...because fear takes over desire.]

[alotken]

Admittedly I did not read all of the replies because I didn't want it to taint my view of your first post.

This is not gentle. If you want gentle then I can't give you the truth. Sorry.. I say this only in love.

My first impression - he's got another long term relationship on the side. He is using you.
If the arrangement that you have with him is that you really have an open relationship, then he's taking that as gospel. If that's not how you feel, then you need to be honest with him. If you're asking him questions about what he does and how he is then there are two issues.. one - you have more feelings and are taking more possession of him than he is of you.. and two you don't know him very well and you're trying to take this beyond (as I said above - taking more possession) just the surface of an intimate/intense/sexual relationship.

I didn't read the previous posts - so this might not apply. I've got some familiarity with BDSM - but not as a lifestyle choice personally. I do know one thing.. to be involved in it you HAVE to have trust of the other person - at the very least trust that they will respect your safe word if that's the net that you use - or whatever... If you are the sub, especially, and even though when it comes down to it you are in control, you aren't always physically in control.. it's not hard to "blur" the lines of trust from physical intimacy to emotional intimacy. It's really really hard for us, even though a lot of us live OUT of our bodies most of the time to actually separate the 2 entities from each other. It sounds like this might be what's going on here.

I'm in full support of the BDSM lifestyle choice if it works for you.. there's no judgement from me whatsoever - I want to make that clear.. but if you're struggling with the arrangement as it sounds like you might be.. either the lifestyle doesn't work for you or the partner doesn't work for you.

sorry to be so blunt luv. I hope that you find the answers, the partner, and the arrangement that lifts you up. This is what my mind says.
much love

[MARAA]

well Bdsm is NOT abuse,playing games or manipulating,if someone thought that. it might LOOK like it BECAUSE you dont KNOW what is GOING ON.
I really hope that some ppl´s judgements not clouded just because of bdsm.
it might be alot answers in the core dynamic and its principles though,which,again,might make it look like something that is not.
this is why this is tricky.
also for you.
I have explained how I view it.. my hard limits always been a long term with someone else that is buildt the way I have it(I mean we),Im not into poly,that would cross the poly line for me. Also cross my kind of exclusivity.
I dont share my space that way. I dont mind fuck buddies or play partners, but those you dont share that deep levels with or so long time. thats is where I differ. bdsm are much more tolerating in those areas.
If you are not to or understand bdsm,just call it fuckbuddies contra long term relationships.
at least I differ there.
but,it is also costume,in fact the top is obliged to inform you about the conditions. there should be no confusion. I did not get informed.
Not before I myself ask,and I even asked him,if he IS having other,ltr,on same level as we do. no answer. He told me,"I will answer later". but he hasnt. all other things he tend to answer right away or next day or after.
He asked for my terms in the start and I told him like I tell you. So he knows my hard limits. and I think its fair,and not much.
Im not the type,at all,to sit on ones coat if they want to leave or go somewhere. So Im definitely not the clinging type. I just asked for a straight answer. I wouldnt die if hes told me hey I have several fuckbuddies. But I wont be as gentle if he is doing with other ppl and ongoing long term,what he is with me and it has the same deep level as we have. it is okay, but it is not what I seek. and he knew that. I told him why.
And I have not even asked for a love relationship or that we will be a couple,since it is very different in those areas in bdsm. I have not asked for that,and in my mind I separate the two.
I dont know if thats what he wanted?because I came to ask him,what we will do,if both or one of us meet someone,what the terms would be,then, or generally about that area,and I expressed myself in a way that could had lead him to think she is not in love with me or will ever be,or wont have a relationship with me. that was not what Imeant, but in my mind I dont know the guy too well too long for that.
I just wanted straight answers,again,that was all I meant with it.
He use to know me that much so he knows what Im thinking,so I thought he knew. but maybe he got hurt.i dont know.
because he has expressed Im staying with him no matter if two,ten or twenty years,and he doesnt want to end what we have started,and how very very much he likes me,adores me etc. he says that all time,its only the two last times hes not said anything there he was more quiet and down and only said he really likes me. so Idont know if hes hurt?
but thats insane too because I have asked him to take it slow!
oh Ive been loyal not that,and also done all things asked etc.
I have only lived from day to day in this not expecting anything. so I dont know if its that that he does expect something?
If I find out what I wont accept that he knows Im not into then Im leaving,and I think he knows that.
Or,I will demand same terms.
but if he does then he has lied,so it doesnt make a difference.

[ThetaAbundance]

This has nothing to do with that lifestyle. You state you asked him if he had another LTR and he said he would answer later. That IS your answer. YES, YES, YES. His behavior it is blatently obvious.

If a man doesn't want to spent time on the holidays with you??? It is a sign he has someone else or he is not that into you.

[3DFireStarteR]

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[MARAA]

He just asked me what I will do for holiday vacation this year. I told him Im going home to my own country,and rest is unplanned yet since Im spontanious. So he didnt ask me but it sounds like he is thinking of something. to be honest I didnt expect him to ask me at all, and not even later on either suggest,so I was surprised. that only shows that Im staying low and do not expect anything.
I dont know what he will answer,theta, about my questions,Im curious what he will answer and when. shall be interesting to see what he has to say!

---------- Post added at 05:50 AM ---------- Previous post was at 05:48 AM ----------

I was looking for what you could see,without pure logic reason,behind that,and,how to cringle it so he cant wiggle out.

[ThetaAbundance]

oh my!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK! I bet you are one of those that pays money for any psychic to tell you what you want to hear.

Good luck with that and since you are so happy, why bother asking about your sicko men every month or so.

[MARAA]

Bdsm are not and will never be sick for me,if you cant deal with it then why bother. I wont defend my lifestyle. its as free as others. dont you know,you have to be neutral,to be able to judge properly,and if you judge bdsm,you cant.

[ThetaAbundance]

Who is judging that lifestyle??? lmao Are you reading into what people are saying so you don't really hear what you specifically asked for?

[Aion]

With a response like Celticknot's, I can see why Maraa is defensive, even if I can understand why it was said.

Maraa, you're right. There's nothing unhealthy about BDSM. I'm a lifestyler too, you know?

It's tough being faced with something like this. Like a part of you is dying. That's the risk we take when we enter relationships, and if you know something's wrong, then it's time to face it.

And something is wrong. You're unhappy, your needs aren't being met, regardless of why they aren't being met. You deserve better, don't you think?

[ThetaAbundance]

Uh, that was one person and in that case in a forum it is helpful to either quote what responding to or state who/which post.

There is defensiveness throughout with her and I have learned long ago people who just want to hear what they want to hear, react this way.