I find myself right now feeling like my life was put on hold. I always know there is a reason for everything. I am on 100% disabillity from the Army, so I can't work. I don't go to school either and I find myself VERY VERY bored. As you can see from above I came off all drugs and toxic substances 10 1/2 months ago so I sorta was reborn then. I started getting my intuition back, mind-reading capabilities, sensing presences, talking to spirits came back to. Now, I find myself very bored. I went on a trip to India in July and when I came back I felt very much emptied out. Like I had fufilled everything I had planned for this lifetime. I still feel, since July, NOW WHAT!!!!
I don't want to go to school and learn a bunch of crap and I don't want to be a slave and work for someone who makes a million off of me. Even more, I feel so disinterested in the outside world it is hilarious. Nothing of the external world interests me AT ALL!!! Everything is like a been there done that attitude from me. But here's the problem. NOW WHAT!!!
I am trying to go past my "indigo characteristics" and become complete conciousness. It's really the only thing that interests me. But, this has created a war inside my head. The ego attacking the I AM presence. I listen to my ego like a witness, but there are all these thoughts saying, "Are you kidding me, you are not like Jesus, HE IS SPECIAL, like ECKHART TOLLE, they are special, you can't attain enlightenment, you are a loser, no job, no school, no boyfriend, on top of that you are ugly."
That is what my thoughts are like lately. Even though they are not the truth, I can't help but hear this incessant thinking. My sleep patterns are completely crazy, I am tired all the time and this all is making me kinda depressed. What can I do now. I feel like I have too much time to think and have become sadistically addicted to thinking.
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