reform

[defuzz]

it has nearly been a week since i went under
I have been studiying the essence of my freakish life
the path i chose stepping at void
regarding myself from the outside in some pathological manner

how i have been perceived by all the lovely people ive known
but never really could connect to and maybe never conventionally loved
can my conceived sensuality of love at different levels be an intellectual hoax?
and other rudimentary doubting such as truth
and how i always managed to fabricate palatable coherence
beheld my lesser tones of vanity and lazyness
detached and cynical behaviour that doesnt console when beaten
a harsh tone to self that craves the sublime and fails the mediocre
a let go of residue of a catholic upbringings imagery and morals which is marching me towards assencsion but at the same time shaming me
for not having fundamental forgiveness and accept of the distance to my earthen family and "normal" people

my antis laid out, I feel uninvolved, unattached and sad for now
I can know this is a game of disinformation and all I need is faith and some minor tweaks
by embrace of love and unity in the ligth shed
within closeness to a space of timetwist this powerful
as mother is making pushing faces by umbillical chords strung in the deeper blue
wave goodbye and say hello

[sshenry]

a let go of residue of a catholic upbringings imagery and morals which is marching me towards assencsion but at the same time shaming me
for not having fundamental forgiveness and accept of the distance to my earthen family and "normal" people

And here we find the crux of the matter. Guilt is never an easy thing to deal with. It can seep into your life through the cracks in the surface of the everyday. It wears away at newfound faith and tarnishes the feeling of wonder that comes with the knowledge of 'God in us'. Until we have a generation of children raised without the fear factor inherent in organized religion, humanity will never truly be free.

[defuzz]

i agree sshenry, on that fear is the schackles that holds us from freedom and knowing our true "matter".

i probably should have posted this in "Firing the shit" thread, but was in a sacrificial gloomy mood and put forth my smallness for cleansing purpose, here, all by its own.

[sshenry]

You are large - you contain multitudes.

[defuzz]

yes thankyou I am swelling BIG and could use some help loosing some of my dysfunctional weigth,
I need to do some exercises!?
or will time+awareness do the job

[sshenry]

Mental pilates - work the core of your consciousness.

[defuzz]

sounds great, Ill be over in the corner flexing and stretching

[Thomas12]

Time + awareness will not do alone. It will need some more activity inside, willingness combined with intention.

Physical exercise is very helping. I found Yoga to be a great group exercise, as well as swimming: bot providing perfect movements with direct influence to mind and mood plus slef perception.

[defuzz]

i agree so i reformulate
by being aware of the spam + the intent of being ligthness and dissolver of old muckus + big will aswell.
yes, more yoga and spa and walking

[Thomas12]

ive been walking like an insane in Prague last weekend and it was a great feeling, i became an addict..


This ad goes away when you register.

[defuzz]

great city to walk, i guess
and congrats on your new addiction
best thing man ever did was to move

[Thomas12]

..it was a new feeling for me

[spiritzzz]

it has nearly been a week since i went under
I have been studiying the essence of my freakish life
the path i chose stepping at void
regarding myself from the outside in some pathological manner

how i have been perceived by all the lovely people ive known
but never really could connect to and maybe never conventionally loved
can my conceived sensuality of love at different levels be an intellectual hoax?
and other rudimentary doubting such as truth
and how i always managed to fabricate palatable coherence
beheld my lesser tones of vanity and lazyness
detached and cynical behaviour that doesnt console when beaten
a harsh tone to self that craves the sublime and fails the mediocre
a let go of residue of a catholic upbringings imagery and morals which is marching me towards assencsion but at the same time shaming me
for not having fundamental forgiveness and accept of the distance to my earthen family and "normal" people

my antis laid out, I feel uninvolved, unattached and sad for now
I can know this is a game of disinformation and all I need is faith and some minor tweaks
by embrace of love and unity in the ligth shed
within closeness to a space of timetwist this powerful
as mother is making pushing faces by umbillical chords strung in the deeper blue
wave goodbye and say hello

Well brother, we are All there to some or the other extend. May I join you in the celebration as we begin to break free??!!!!

Doug

[defuzz]

absolutely Doug, cheers!