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Thread: You CANNOT be affected by others unless you let them affect you

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    You CANNOT be affected by others unless you let them affect you

    You cannot be affected by others unless you let them affect you.

    If you react to others you give them power and control over you.

    If you have no emotional garbage from the past you won't be phased by anyone's attempts to get your angry or to belittle you etc.

    Noone can do anything to you only you can do it to yourself.

    Just because somebody says something to you doesn't mean it's the truth. It's their perception.

    If you are confident about yourself you can deal with anybody.

    Don't give your power away by emotionally reacting to people.

    Learn to observe and respond consciously.

    By the way - I'm not an expert yet at it myself. Just offering my insights.

    If someone is making you feel a certain way they are a MESSENGER for you. Just think what is the message they're trying to give you

    If you're getting emotions about what they're saying ask yourself where from your past did someone treat you like that or say something similar or was there a similar event that happened in the past? There is always a connection between past hurts and current hurts.

    Just remember words and actions don't make people bad people. It makes their behaviour bad but they're human like the rest of us.

    A perfect human is an oxymoron!

    Life is not a popularity contest. Not everyone will like you and that's okay. Not everyone likes chocolate ice cream. It's no big deal. It's the same as not everyone is gonna like you based on your looks. It's just about likes and dislikes.

    That's my short preaching for today!


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    Astara (10-13-2009), inferno_dragon377 (10-13-2009), lillies1978 (10-13-2009), Loco (10-14-2009), lunchbox (10-13-2009), mellisamouse (10-14-2009), sshenry (10-13-2009), The Explorer (10-13-2009), TheRavenMother (10-13-2009), Zaher (08-11-2010)

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    I completely agree, so many people think what people say in threads is directly to them or have some kind of underlying message or meaning. So many here, claim to be enlightened yet they make so many assumptions on people, especially based on a persons past!
    DONT DREAM IT BE IT!

    Know thy enemy

    Don't live in fear of words alone, live in fear of the actions behind the words or what may happen if those words are never uttered!



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    Quote Originally Posted by TheRavenMother View Post
    I completely agree, so many people think what people say in threads is directly to them or have some kind of underlying message or meaning. So many here, claim to be enlightened yet they make so many assumptions on people, especially based on a persons past!
    So true.

    I can do that myself at times. I'm not perfect.

    You know what I also tend to do. This might sound strange to people but I don't feel emotionally anymore about things like I used to. I feel really confident and strong so I forget that others are more fragile than I am or that they take my words too seriously and it hurts them.

    I need to remember myself that I'm not Mr. Sensitive when it comes to judging people and that many are still carrying around baggage from their pasts and that my words could do damage to them.

    I'm a slow learner sometimes.

    Does anyone have that themselves? That they're unaffected by what other people say to the point of not being emotional or not having emotional baggage but, as a result, can at times be insensitive to others?

    Plus alot of times I'm not feeling good myself physically and I'll lash out at others out of frustration with my own body.

    Like I said I'm imperfect. I've even got one tit that is bigger than the other.

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    yes a lot of the time I say things in all harmlessness and some people get all steamed up about it, and I never seem to get why? People get so tetchy over such small, pathetic an indirect things!
    DONT DREAM IT BE IT!

    Know thy enemy

    Don't live in fear of words alone, live in fear of the actions behind the words or what may happen if those words are never uttered!



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    i hear ya alleen!

    i've been told on many occassions that i can be way to blunt about things. or even seem uncareing.
    i remember when my nephew's dog was eaten by a stray pitbull. everyone was so upset for the little kid, but it didnt really bother me. i didnt want the kid to be sad or anything but at the same time i knew that it was a reality that he would need to experience. and that it would strengthen him for the next time a situation like that happens. everyone in the familly just thought i was being a cold hearted prick. although i just want him to be prepared for life.

    hmmm, maybe i am a prick lol
    One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you. You do not change people's minds.
    Frank Zappa

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    Some people affect me...
    I guess part of me wants them too...
    I don't understand why..

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    Really wish I had some thanks left for that post Alleen.
    Freemason wannabe and resident skeptic.
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    Yup. Truth

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    Quote Originally Posted by lunchbox View Post
    i hear ya alleen!

    i've been told on many occassions that i can be way to blunt about things. or even seem uncareing.
    i remember when my nephew's dog was eaten by a stray pitbull. everyone was so upset for the little kid, but it didnt really bother me. i didnt want the kid to be sad or anything but at the same time i knew that it was a reality that he would need to experience. and that it would strengthen him for the next time a situation like that happens. everyone in the familly just thought i was being a cold hearted prick. although i just want him to be prepared for life.

    hmmm, maybe i am a prick lol
    I just think many people who are labelled as insensitive have actually just gotten rid of alot of emotional baggage. They don't care because they're not operating from a place of hurt themselves.

    You'll see watching Oprah Winfrey how the audience seemingly addicted to crying all the time. Why? Well in this country Americans are not allowed to express any negative emotions otherwise they're perceived as needing a shrink or imperfect. Look at the extreme reactions in this country to people who express anger or sadness which are normal healthy emotions. They are usually told that they're clinically depressed or that anger isn't healthy. So what happens is you have a whole country of smiling caricatures not unlike many new agers - fake love - fake caring - just superficial crap. So what happens on Oprah Winfrey is they'll see something and get sentimental or get into mass audience "crying-fests". What they are actually crying for is themselves. It's the first time in a long time they can feel their pain and it's allowed in that type of setting. If they express their feelings at other times people will tell them to see a shrink instead of listening to them and allowing them to feel completely normal and healthy emotions like anger or sadness.

    Plus people who are real I would venture to guess have always expressed their feelings so it isn't bottled up and misdirected at other things. So when these real people communicate with others it comes from a point of honesty and directness that can seem caustic but only to people with emotional baggage. They are meltdowns waiting to happen.

    It's this whole mentality of taking care of other people's feelings. But people need to grow up and deal with their feelings and that involves dealing with each other in a direct manner and not passive-aggressively. It also involves allowing people to be real expressing their anger and sadness. And most importantly is involves being direct and honest with people and not "pussy-footing-around" their fragile emotional state.

    People need to deal with their past baggage. Those sensitive types are in fact just "leaking wounds" that need to heal instead of using bandaids. People need to grow up.

    It's like this woman I know named Nancy. I talked to her about the financial system tsunami which we are in the middle of which will result in a collapse of the $US and the US economy. The "hidden hands" are creating this financial collapse to bring America and Americans to their knees to usher in a socialist system in this country. Anyways when I told her this stuff she was capping her hands over her daughters ears so she wouldn't have to deal with it. She is only harming her daughter in the long run because she'll have a future of disappointments. She won't be able to deal with anything.
    Last edited by alleendewaarheid; 10-14-2009 at 12:52 AM.

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    Star and flag! (in otherwords bravo!)

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    sometimes it's good to test your shields..

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    Quote Originally Posted by alleendewaarheid View Post
    Just remember words and actions don't make people bad people. It makes their behaviour bad but they're human like the rest of us.

    Add your own!
    Like the negative things you wrote about someone recently? You know who...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Visioneer View Post
    Like the negative things you wrote about someone recently? You know who...
    Exactly but it's your perception that something is negative or positive.

    Maybe it was positive because of the impact it has on them. Maybe it will inspire them to change? So I view it as a positive.

    My point being what I said about them was direct and honestly how I felt. I can't hurt them can I unless they allow it?

    How are people gonna be able to correct their behaviour unless people are telling them directly and honestly versus placating them and gossiping behind their backs.

    You know when I lived in Europe I appreciated that some people were more direct. If they didn't like me they directly said so or expressed it. I wasn't wondering how they felt about me but I knew it by their direct expressions.

    That's what direct people do. Passive-aggressive people pretend and don't talk about their real feelings but they do other things like gossip or get back at people secretly.

    Ask black people in America where they prefer living and many of them will say the South. Why? From what I've been told they said at least in the South they know where people are coming from.

    Let's say you for example are being an asshole. But I just keep smiling and then I gossip behind your back. I also scheme and get other logins and attack you with other logins. Which do you prefer that I call you an asshole to your face or play games passive-aggressively behind the scenes?

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    Quote Originally Posted by alleendewaarheid View Post
    Let's say you for example are being an asshole. But I just keep smiling and then I gossip behind your back. I also scheme and get other logins and attack you with other logins. Which do you prefer that I call you an asshole to your face or play games passive-aggressively behind the scenes?
    Depends if I was an asshole to you in particular, then yes if it was between us, but no if it's someone who is being an asshole to others, it becomes their issues.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Visioneer View Post
    Depends if I was an asshole to you in particular, then yes if it was between us, but no if it's someone who is being an asshole to others, it becomes their issues.
    Well see that's the way you view it.

    I had a woman Rene I worked with in California. Anyways she was the "office blacksheep". Practically the whole office was going on about how she stunk. My boss even sat down with her saying she stunk and if she could do something about it. I stuck my nose in and told my boss and others that I didn't think she stunk. I also said I didn't think it was appropriate that my boss had told her to correct her stinkiness. I said "what if Rene would say you stink because of your perfume"? Where does it end? My point being they had their perspective and I had my own. I got involved with the issue between Rene and the others even though it wasn't my business.

    If someone is being an asshole to others sometimes I'll intervene and sometimes I won't. It depends on what my instincts tell me to do. It's the same idea I was talking about. Feeling the feelings. Expressing what comes natural to you. If someone is being an asshole to someone else and I feel like I want to intervene I simply do and if I don't feel like it I don't.

    Just be yourself. Authentic and real.

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    Quote Originally Posted by alleendewaarheid View Post
    Well see that's the way you view it.

    I had a woman Rene I worked with in California. Anyways she was the "office blacksheep". Practically the whole office was going on about how she stunk. My boss even sat down with her saying she stunk and if she could do something about it. I stuck my nose in and told my boss and others that I didn't think she stunk. I also said I didn't think it was appropriate that my boss had told her to correct her stinkiness. I said "what if Rene would say you stink because of your perfume"? Where does it end? My point being they had their perspective and I had my own. I got involved with the issue between Rene and the others even though it wasn't my business.

    If someone is being an asshole to others sometimes I'll intervene and sometimes I won't. It depends on what my instincts tell me to do. It's the same idea I was talking about. Feeling the feelings. Expressing what comes natural to you. If someone is being an asshole to someone else and I feel like I want to intervene I simply do and if I don't feel like it I don't.

    Just be yourself. Authentic and real.
    True, after all I did the same thing to you when you spoke negatively about that person, so....I guess it does make sense. We are clear.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Visioneer View Post
    True, after all I did the same thing to you when you spoke negatively about that person, so....I guess it does make sense. We are clear.
    Exactly!

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    I love revelation!!!

    Yea!

    Bravo to Visioneer...bravo.
    Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got. ~Janis Joplin

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    I was looking for a topic like this..
    How about if someone you've met, is sending out these mixed vibes..
    For example.. This person, from day one, I felt she has some issue with me. And I know there is.. it's about her weight and she keeps bringing it up in any way she can.. I try to tell her that she's not that fat everytime.. but she keeps comparing herself with me. I'm just tiny I can't help that..
    Everytime I'm with her I feel I have to "beware".. She says she likes me, but I just feel competition and negativity.. And at first I thought I was just being crazy.. because my boyfriend said she was just younger and looks at me as an example.. because she also copies a lot of the things I do and have. But I feel there's more.
    And for some reason I respond to that when she's here.. sometimes I even say things that werent meant to come out that way.. making me look weird..lol
    Lamps go out spontaneously and other distortion in electrical things.. And that does happen a lot anyways. Some lamps we have to change every few days or every week. They never last longer then a month or two.
    But last time I felt it was because she was here. I'm just learning to shield myself from negative energy, do I do the same with this person..? I know that's she's into wicca as well.. and that makes me feel a bit uncertain. Cause I've noticed also in some "little" things that she just likes to give me a bad feeling.. I'm not sure what she wants with this. But I want it to stop.
    And I can't just cut this person out of my life since she's the girlfriend of my boyfriend's best friend.
    Anyone had simular experiences and how did you deal with it..
    Maybe it is me.. that I let it get to me.. but I'm still new at shielding.. and this is different then energy attacks I've experienced before.
    If anyone can share some advice it would help a great deal.
    <3
    Last edited by Eva; 08-10-2010 at 01:48 PM.

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    I know what I would do in this situation but you may not operate in the same fashion as I do. I am extremely straight forward with people and esp. people who are asking for help as she appears to be doing.

    I would sit her down and tell her...something like...".I can see that your weight is an issue with you even if it isn't an issue with anyone else because you keep bringing it up. In fact, you bring it up so often that it is becoming uncomfortable for me to be around you. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks....you need to be comfortable with yourself... I like to be around you but I can't help you with what is bothering you unless you face it and decide to deal with it....as much as I tell you that I don't see it as a problem, you still do....so what can I do to help you with this because I am not going to gain weight to make you feel better...

    Sound harsh...I don't know but it's what she needs...and she is begging for it.
    Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got. ~Janis Joplin

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