Emotionless

Psychology and sociology, the study of the human mind and society.
Sometimes I wonder how I became so desensitized of well emotions. So bad that I have to fake every emotion I should have, it doesn't help the fact that my studies are Political Science, so I kinda play into that Label. Its been really hard as a result to have anyone close to me. So hard that I don't allow people close to me... I cycle through GF's about every 7 months, that way they never figure it out, I even cycle cliques. As far as if I am a likeable guy - Generally I am loved by everyone... yet at the end of the day - I am the probably the most different and the most included outcast some people will ever meet.

Last week I discovered why or part of why.

My grandparents told me of a time in which they used babysit me
and how I would wake up screaming, Now that I understand what I saw, I understand why.

What would happen is that when I went to sleep I would catch glimpses of extreme suffering.
Now as to when it is/has/going to happen is a different subject entirely.

I have never really met anybody with a sight gift like mine. I feel history.
Now what happens is when I touch an object/thing/person I can see its past, and possible futures.
I have honed this ability now and see a timeline in my thoughts which makes it easier to navigate.

So what I would see were the horrors of what was happening, what has happened, and what was going to happen.
I'm know that that has affected me,

But i'm not sure as to the damage it has done to me.

Thoughts?

Spark-
User avatar
Morningspark
 
Posts: 1340
Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2008 2:52 pm
Has thanked: 72 times
Been thanked: 49 times

by jeRaste
I imagine that you dont actually fake emotions, you just work with whats there and dress it up for other peoples benefit.
I know I do the same thing sometimes. When I was a youngin and my Grandfather died, they call me to my Grandmas house to tell me this, and my first thought was "well, I imagine he is doing just fine on the other side, but everyone is expecting me to be blown, I know, I will pretend to be completely shocked, and act like I need to sit down"...

The emotions are there friend, they never leave, its impossible, its in your neurochemistry, and until you totally transcend physicallity, there they will be.
We should never live in our emotions though, my take is that they are highlighter for various situations, should be tasted, and let go. Acted upon with a concious choice rather than reacting TO.

As for damage to your emotional body through practicing telemetry... Perhaps re-intentioning that skill from the ground up so that whenever you touch things, you can sense the emotions associated with its timeline without absorbing them in any way?
User avatar
jeRaste
 
Posts: 2028
Joined: Mon Dec 28, 2009 4:58 pm
Has thanked: 42 times
Been thanked: 90 times

by Sephish
Sounds like psychometry. I'm working on it as well with some interesting results.

I'm not sure it's related to waking up screaming though. Lots of things can cause that.

And as for emotions, it's easy to become detached when you're psychically gifted but I'm sure they're still there somewhere. :p
User avatar
Sephish
 
Posts: 7204
Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:15 pm
Has thanked: 617 times
Been thanked: 723 times

Sounds like past life recall, many indigos experience this very strongly when young--in combination with seeing possible futures. I remember that happening to me, too.
You may have some past life imprint of pain/grief which makes it harder to be fully connected with your emotional body--
I've really benefitted from getting illumination/ soul retrieval/ other energy bodywork with people who are gifted and who I trust.
The disassociation makes me think of soul retrieval especially. Just an idea...
User avatar
greentara
 
Posts: 639
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:02 am
Has thanked: 140 times
Been thanked: 157 times

Well now I can control my gifts in a sense...

There are some things that still react with my moods..

I've been wondering for a while at what will happen if this gift evolves into something more. If it will make me capable of moving in time. - (just a theory)
User avatar
Morningspark
 
Posts: 1340
Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2008 2:52 pm
Has thanked: 72 times
Been thanked: 49 times

[QUOTE=greentara;589432]Sounds like past life recall, many indigos experience this very strongly when young--in combination with seeing possible futures. I remember that happening to me, too.
You may have some past life imprint of pain/grief which makes it harder to be fully connected with your emotional body--
I've really benefitted from getting illumination/ soul retrieval/ other energy bodywork with people who are gifted and who I trust.
The disassociation makes me think of soul retrieval especially. Just an idea...[/QUOTE]

Well my particular soul was the original root of its line. I have only lived in three lives. The first in the beginning, the second about 120 years ago was ended at the age of 8, and I'm living the third. The first I was more or less human and I know I committed my own acts of cruelty- I was a leader during a very long war. I was hit by a car at the age of 8 in my last life... (I'm not sure if there was third party intervention in my last life) - I know this life I have been extremely sheltered, and I know third party influence has occurred heavily in this life. I know when I was very young I was "activated" by the Dragons, I have memories of me being led by the hand at a very young age (3) and being in a place where the light was white and everything glowed- Its where my learning began, I think my psychometry was a result of being awakened at such a young age.

My own personal Kundalini experience/change didn't result until I turned 8. I was actually hospitalized because of the fever I was running, I remember screaming in pain and the doctors couldn't figure out why. They thought I had an affection of some sort. Though it couldn't be found.

The next day when I woke up was the last day I was sick, I was physically stronger, my abilities were stronger, and I was able to control them in a sense.
User avatar
Morningspark
 
Posts: 1340
Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2008 2:52 pm
Has thanked: 72 times
Been thanked: 49 times

You have emotions, much more than you realize. You just don't like to acknowledge them because that makes you vulnerable and you don't like being vulnerable. That's all.
User avatar
beautifulmind
 
Posts: 6128
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 3:39 pm
Has thanked: 450 times
Been thanked: 444 times

hmm...yeah idk..
User avatar
Morningspark
 
Posts: 1340
Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2008 2:52 pm
Has thanked: 72 times
Been thanked: 49 times

Maybe all these points converge.... past life experience as a warrior in a long war required that you turn off emotions, set up iron- tight boundaries....this lifetime when you are open, some of that old energy may come through, to be experienced and released....also though you will gain the special power of being able to experience shared joy, love, true intimacy-- but that openness holds all of it. as Rilke writes,
let everything happen
beauty and terror
no feeling is final...
User avatar
greentara
 
Posts: 639
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:02 am
Has thanked: 140 times
Been thanked: 157 times

You get angry really easily. That is emotion. You pretend that you do not get angry, you write it off as something else because to face it would make you feel weak in some way. Once you have one emotion, you are bound to have them all, somewhere inside you. One who truly masters their emotion is not afraid to feel or express what they are really feeling.
User avatar
beautifulmind
 
Posts: 6128
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 3:39 pm
Has thanked: 450 times
Been thanked: 444 times

by Astara
Hmmm...I've always had some unique abilities. I am able to disassociate from things quite easily actually. Too easily. However, I am far from non-emotional. I've always been electrified through emotions and had issues learning to express my emotions appropriately. I still struggle with that though in the past year or so I've become quite zen about things. That's where the disassociation comes into play. Makes me question if I am handling my emotions healthily when I find myself transcending them into a state of disassociation. Or it's almost like I am able to shift my emotions to fit whatever the situation calls for.

Something I was pondering this afternoon while I was driving due to the nice psychic Neptune-Venus link tonight - I've been getting some deep insightful thoughts into my inner world throughout today. Anyhow... I've always had this personality in which I don't mind getting dirty, literally or figuratively, mud on my hands, dog shit on my shoe, or on a more invisible level - raped, hit, etc. I mean I do mind the latter invisible "marks/stains" however, I've always felt a strong sense of resiliency. That I can wash it off, that it doesn't bleed into my being, and so on. *shrug* I'm not quite sure why this is but it has certainly helped me through my rather intense young life.

I asked my mom rather recently whether she felt sort of in a semi-perma meditative state and she said she did some of the time. I honestly feel that way all of the time. I consciously listen to my inner voice no matter what. Thus it feels as though I am constantly clearing space out to let in fresh stuff. Not a bad thing really except that it has played a part in my bad short term memory and occasionally, I feel a little too serious in some situations with friends and loved ones.

*shrug*
User avatar
Astara
 
Posts: 1881
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2009 6:40 am
Has thanked: 457 times
Been thanked: 404 times

Morningspark,

There was a period of about 2 years where I had little to no emotional range. I could still feel and react but I just didn't care enough to emote. It did bother me. I wondered if it was permanent, this new feeling of deadness. what I didn't know was that I was grieving. I was in deep mourning and it manifested as a sense of being emotionally numb.

I had experienced in the years prior to the depression several unrelated losses, that by themselves didn't seem that big. However, the losses combined and following so close upon the heels of one another had backed up. I had lost family, became an empty nester, lost a couple of jobs, was in constant conflict with my MIL, was being used by so called friends, my dog died, I nearly got divorced... You get the picture. One at a time they seemed surmountable. Combined they were a gut kick that set me reeling.

I was in mourning for all of that and I didn't even acknowledge it. Not until I noticed that I didn't feel anything anymore.

This might not be anything like what you are going through but it was the closest thing I could think of to try and understand.

I grieved. I recognized the loss and sadness and gave myself permission to mourn for a while. Eventually it passed and having honored my right to weep I was able to regain my heart. There was no room in my heart while it was filled with sadness, so I let it out.

I felt hollow for another couple of months after really feeling sad. Then little by little I began to feel more again. I did hide out from people until I could feel strong again. Once I had myself back I felt free to mix and mingle with other people again. ( No small feat for an empath.)

I hope you feel OK with being on auto pilot untill you can start feeling more expansive.
User avatar
Indigo Dog
 
Posts: 8456
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:43 pm
Has thanked: 1263 times
Been thanked: 1171 times

[QUOTE=beautifulmind;589537]You get angry really easily. That is emotion. You pretend that you do not get angry, you write it off as something else because to face it would make you feel weak in some way. Once you have one emotion, you are bound to have them all, somewhere inside you. One who truly masters their emotion is not afraid to feel or express what they are really feeling.[/QUOTE]

If thats what you think its because I let you think so...
User avatar
Morningspark
 
Posts: 1340
Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2008 2:52 pm
Has thanked: 72 times
Been thanked: 49 times

[QUOTE=Indigo Dog;589576]Morningspark,

There was a period of about 2 years where I had little to no emotional range. I could still feel and react but I just didn't care enough to emote. It did bother me. I wondered if it was permanent, this new feeling of deadness. what I didn't know was that I was grieving. I was in deep mourning and it manifested as a sense of being emotionally numb.

I had experienced in the years prior to the depression several unrelated losses, that by themselves didn't seem that big. However, the losses combined and following so close upon the heels of one another had backed up. I had lost family, became an empty nester, lost a couple of jobs, was in constant conflict with my MIL, was being used by so called friends, my dog died, I nearly got divorced... You get the picture. One at a time they seemed surmountable. Combined they were a gut kick that set me reeling.

I was in mourning for all of that and I didn't even acknowledge it. Not until I noticed that I didn't feel anything anymore.

This might not be anything like what you are going through but it was the closest thing I could think of to try and understand.

I grieved. I recognized the loss and sadness and gave myself permission to mourn for a while. Eventually it passed and having honored my right to weep I was able to regain my heart. There was no room in my heart while it was filled with sadness, so I let it out.

I felt hollow for another couple of months after really feeling sad. Then little by little I began to feel more again. I did hide out from people until I could feel strong again. Once I had myself back I felt free to mix and mingle with other people again. ( No small feat for an empath.)

I hope you feel OK with being on auto pilot untill you can start feeling more expansive.[/QUOTE]

You know in a sense I have had this happen- but I'm not depressed. I mean I've lost 6 grandparents in the last 3 years.
All of them I was close too, however I don't feel dead.

I don't have emotions in the sense that I used too, I feel as if everything would be normal. In a sense
yet there are times in which I don't really care.- Which is where I feel in a sense you are spot on.

But i'm definitely not depressed.
User avatar
Morningspark
 
Posts: 1340
Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2008 2:52 pm
Has thanked: 72 times
Been thanked: 49 times

I'm glad you are not depressed.
User avatar
Indigo Dog
 
Posts: 8456
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:43 pm
Has thanked: 1263 times
Been thanked: 1171 times

by jeRaste
Right about now I am going to throw in one of my favorite sayings.

If you arent depressed, you arent paying attention.

There is nothing wrong with being depressed, just as there is nothing wrong with being happy, and honestly, I feel the most stable when I am depressed, happy, angry, caring, etc... All at once. They say life is a trip, and in ANY shamanic ritual, set and setting are very important factors in how the trip is going to feel.
User avatar
jeRaste
 
Posts: 2028
Joined: Mon Dec 28, 2009 4:58 pm
Has thanked: 42 times
Been thanked: 90 times

This is going to be my last post on IS for a while. Until I figure out where I'm going, and how I'm getting there. My world was rocked today, and to top it all I lost one of my close friends.
I don't know when I'll be back. I'm moving soon. Maybe when I come back I'll have answers to the only question I don't. Maybe not. Who knows? Certianly not me. By for now.


With Love,

Spark-

RIP Ron Wortham aka. FreeSpeak
User avatar
Morningspark
 
Posts: 1340
Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2008 2:52 pm
Has thanked: 72 times
Been thanked: 49 times

by tmt
[QUOTE=Morningspark;589641]This is going to be my last post on IS for a while. Until I figure out where I'm going, and how I'm getting there. My world was rocked today, and to top it all I lost one of my close friends.
I don't know when I'll be back. I'm moving soon. Maybe when I come back I'll have answers to the only question I don't. Maybe not. Who knows? Certianly not me. By for now.


With Love,

Spark-

RIP Ron Wortham aka. FreeSpeak[/QUOTE]

I'm going to miss you Spark :(

Love,

Teri Tait
User avatar
tmt
 
Posts: 10292
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 6:35 am
Has thanked: 1091 times
Been thanked: 902 times

...
User avatar
illuminati
 
Posts: 8336
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2007 6:43 pm
Has thanked: 139 times
Been thanked: 290 times

well this totally sucks... that this person is gone....
cerise333
 
Posts: 5044
Joined: Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:26 am
Has thanked: 175 times
Been thanked: 107 times


Return to index page Psychology & Sociology

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests