Help! So am I a fraud or what

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So I have notice that there is two inside of me. The spiritual part and the ego part that comes up when certain things are triggered. The ego is giving me trouble.

They are having a lot of changes at work because of budget cuts. Some were laid off and some were given a retirement incentive and my immediate supervisor took the incentive and he is to leave at the end of the month. Management has not made any plans on what will happen to his job. I was hoping for a chance for his position. Today I find out that they have given all my supervisors duties to a co-worker temporary or maybe they are grooming him for the position. That is my feelings on it. My ego is just horrified because this individual sexually harassed and bullied me in the past and now he is learning my supervisors duties and will probably be promoted. I actually tried to file sexual harassment charges against him but my work did not like me doing that. I went outside the system and then they wanted to help me with it but all that happened was a mediated meeting where I told him how I did not like what he had done. Everybody 'loves' him in the office and he is good buddies with a lot of higher ups. He also has sexual affairs with many of the women in the office which is totally overlooked and many girls are his groupies. I am furious and want to quit! My ego wants to quit immediately.

I would like to open up my own business but know nothing on how to do it and not sure what I want to do. I am in my 50's and not sure how to go about all of this. Any advice would be appreciated. Please help me see this from the spiritual lens. What is this reflecting about me? I just can't see it but I hate corporate america.

Where did my spirituality go? This is not acting as a spiritual being! I should be happy for this guy and just not let it get to me. Help!
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FirstWave
 
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by Sephish
Fuck that. Do what you want, not what 'spiritual' people say you should want.
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Sephish
 
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[QUOTE=FirstWave;656437]So I have notice that there is two inside of me. The spiritual part and the ego part that comes up when certain things are triggered. The ego is giving me trouble.

They are having a lot of changes at work because of budget cuts. Some were laid off and some were given a retirement incentive and my immediate supervisor took the incentive and he is to leave at the end of the month. Management has not made any plans on what will happen to his job. I was hoping for a chance for his position. Today I find out that they have given all my supervisors duties to a co-worker temporary or maybe they are grooming him for the position. That is my feelings on it. My ego is just horrified because this individual sexually harassed and bullied me in the past and now he is learning my supervisors duties and will probably be promoted. I actually tried to file sexual harassment charges against him but my work did not like me doing that. I went outside the system and then they wanted to help me with it but all that happened was a mediated meeting where I told him how I did not like what he had done. Everybody 'loves' him in the office and he is good buddies with a lot of higher ups. He also has sexual affairs with many of the women in the office which is totally overlooked and many girls are his groupies. I am furious and want to quit! My ego wants to quit immediately.

I would like to open up my own business but know nothing on how to do it and not sure what I want to do. I am in my 50's and not sure how to go about all of this. Any advice would be appreciated. Please help me see this from the spiritual lens. What is this reflecting about me? I just can't see it but I hate corporate america.

Where did my spirituality go? This is not acting as a spiritual being! I should be happy for this guy and just not let it get to me. Help![/QUOTE]

OMG *falls over* this is like VERBATIM my life at the moment (aside from the sexual harassment part), my coworker is addicted to prescription drugs and likes to verbally abuse me, even calling me a "bitch" outright. [url="http://indigosociety.com/showthread.php?32366-Requesting-ideas-for-a-new-job-career"]Read my story here[/url] I have even been working on a business plan for a bagel shop! I feel your pain. And my ego likes to chime in and give me grief but I have to remind myself "ego, just shut up" and I try to identify why my ego is flaring in a situation. By identifying the ego's reasons for flaring it helps to squelch it's tantrums because it helps you put the ego's view into perspective instead of letting it run amok on your emotions for the rest of the day.
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Merribelle
 
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[QUOTE=Merribelle;656441]OMG *falls over* this is like VERBATIM my life at the moment [/QUOTE]

At least I don't feel so alone and sorry you are going through something similar. So you also want to start a business. That is a great idea and best of luck on that!
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by Lynx
You can be spiritual without letting people walk all over you. You are spiritual and human and you've been wronged and you're upset. There's nothing wrong here and it is unhealthy to think there is something wrong with taking care of yourself.

What do you like? Cooking, music?

Maybe find some affordable business classes at a local community college.
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Good luck to you too. Life is too short to work in a bad situation if you don't have to. It's scary to jump ship and find a new job but you cant make room for something else if you're still clinging to what you have, no matter how much you may dislike it. Also, you may just be at different frequencies (on a different "wave length") than this person. Like with music, not all tones match well with each other. You have to find what resonates with you :)
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Merribelle
 
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[QUOTE=FirstWave;656437]So I have notice that there is two inside of me. The spiritual part and the ego part that comes up when certain things are triggered. The ego is giving me trouble. [/QUOTE]

"Ego defines you as individuals, gives each one of you the different personality you have - Ego is a useful "tool" that you have to use it wisely, neither under the limit nor above it. Find the balance"

This is a channeled message from my spirit guide. Ego is NOT something different from you - it's YOU. It's a part of you and you have to find the balance so as to make it work properly. You are not 2 different persons, your behavior in some situations may vary but don't forget we are humans. We make mistakes and we learn from them.

[QUOTE=FirstWave;656437] They are having a lot of changes at work because of budget cuts. Some were laid off and some were given a retirement incentive and my immediate supervisor took the incentive and he is to leave at the end of the month. Management has not made any plans on what will happen to his job. I was hoping for a chance for his position. Today I find out that they have given all my supervisors duties to a co-worker temporary or maybe they are grooming him for the position. That is my feelings on it. My ego is just horrified because this individual sexually harassed and bullied me in the past and now he is learning my supervisors duties and will probably be promoted. I actually tried to file sexual harassment charges against him but my work did not like me doing that. I went outside the system and then they wanted to help me with it but all that happened was a mediated meeting where I told him how I did not like what he had done. Everybody 'loves' him in the office and he is good buddies with a lot of higher ups. He also has sexual affairs with many of the women in the office which is totally overlooked and many girls are his groupies. I am furious and want to quit! My ego wants to quit immediately.

I would like to open up my own business but know nothing on how to do it and not sure what I want to do. I am in my 50's and not sure how to go about all of this. Any advice would be appreciated. Please help me see this from the spiritual lens. What is this reflecting about me? I just can't see it but I hate corporate america.

Where did my spirituality go? This is not acting as a spiritual being! I should be happy for this guy and just not let it get to me. Help![/QUOTE]

Some of the effects a sexual harassment victim can experience:

* Decreased work or school performance as the victim must focus on dealing with the
harassment and the surrounding dynamics and/or effects; psychological effects of harassment
can also decrease work and school performance
* Increased absenteeism to avoid harassment, or because of illness from the stress
* Having to drop courses, or change academic plans; academic transcripts may be weakened
because of decreased school performance
* Retaliation from the harasser, or colleagues/friends of the harasser, should the victim complain
or file a grievance (retaliation can involve revenge along with more sexual harassment, and often
involves stalking the complainant)
* Having one's personal life offered up for public scrutiny --the victim becomes the "accused," and
their dress, lifestyle, and private life will often come under attack. (Note: this rarely occurs for the
perpetrator.)
* Being objectified and humiliated by scrutiny and gossip
* Becoming publicly sexualized
* Defamation of character and reputation
* Loss of trust in environments similar to where the harassment occurred
* Loss of trust in the types of people that occupy similar positions as the harasser or their
colleagues
* Extreme stress upon relationships with significant others, sometimes resulting in divorce;
extreme stress on peer relationships, or relationships with colleagues
* Being ostracized from professional or academic circles
* Having to relocate to another city, another job, or another school
* Loss of job and income; loss of tuition because of having to leave school
* Loss of references/recommendations
* Loss of career
* Weakening of support network: colleagues, friends, and even family may distance themselves
from the victim or abandon them altogether.


Some of the health effects, psychological and physiological, that can occur in someone who has been
sexually harassed:

* Depression
* Anxiety and/or panic attacks
* Traumatic stress; post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
* Sleeplessness and/or nightmares
* Shame and guilt; self-blame
* Difficulty concentrating
* Headaches
* Fatigue or loss of motivation
* Difficulties with time (forgetting appointments, trouble gaging time)
* Stomach problems; gastrointestinal disorders
* Eating disorders (weight loss or gain)
* Feeling betrayed and/or violated
* Feeling angry or violent towards the perpetrator
* Feeling powerless, helpless, or out of control
* Increased blood pressure
* Loss of confidence and self esteem
* Overall loss of trust in people; problems with intimacy
* Problems with sex (sexual dysfunction)
* Withdrawal and isolation
* Suicidal thoughts or attempts; suicide
http://www.sexualharassmentsupport.org/effects.html

Your Ego stands up since you feel - and your feelings are definitely right - that you are the "victim" of the harassment and the "offender" is taking all the rewards in your job. That's natural since the word justice comes up. It's not fair being treated in this way which leads to your feminine degradation and in the end you don't get promoted, on the other hand you are ready to quit your job.

Just FOCUS on yourself, remember yourself which things make you good at work, how much you worth as a person, what have you offered to this job. If you feel like quiting and search for another job then do it. Do whatever your instinct says, what it feels RIGHT for you. You haven't lost your spirituality but remember that there are many things that can enrage us. Learn to handle your feelings, firstly accept them and let the negative ones go.

Yet you should ask yourself : what have I gained from this experience? Each bad situation teaches us a lesson so as to move on in life and become better persons. Did this experience made you stronger? It definitely did - when the negative feelings are gone, you will see the big picture. Definitely you are not fraud, you seem confused about the fact that you can't use your spiritual ethics in daily life (in this situation to your workplace). It's not easy when you have to deal with personalities different than you. Next time you see him - if you still want to stay in your job - have a confident smile and believe in yourself. None and nothing can make you feel more or less on what you are. You define yourself.
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by rabana
sounds like he is the fraud. i don't see any ego (if you mean arrogance, etc) in telling it like it is.
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Thanks AP for all of that good information. He is not harassing any more but he is annoying to me and didn't think people took him serious but I guess I was wrong because he has a charm about him and the gift of gab. Yes I do need to not let this get to me and believe in myself more. Thanks again!
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[QUOTE=rabana;656447]sounds like he is the fraud. i don't see any ego (if you mean arrogance, etc) in telling it like it is.[/QUOTE]

Thanks rabana actually he is because he will tell you he is a liar.

Thanks for all of the responses! It is helping me find a better perspective!
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FirstWave
 
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[QUOTE=FirstWave;656450]Thanks AP for all of that good information. He is not harassing any more but he is annoying to me and didn't think people took him serious but I guess I was wrong because he has a charm about him and the gift of gab. Yes I do need to not let this get to me and believe in myself more. Thanks again![/QUOTE]

I understand dear, I just had to post the effects just in case you find some of them in you and you can handle them easier (since you know that this has to do with harassment, you get my point). Hugs to you and you are mostly welcome :)
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by iti
FW can I ask if you did quit would you have the monetary resources to survive for a while?

Let me rephrase it. If you have the monetary resources to survive with out a job for a while it might be good to start your own business.

You have the skills.

Here is an idea start your business after Hours and on the weekend see how it goes for
one year with adverts in the paper and maybe a market stall or if you have spare room. Get some business cards made go to some shops that would compliment your business and make friends with the owners and the people who work there and display your business cards there if they will allow you too.

Might be a small step in the right direction
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Panic over job security, anger and frustration over Mr. Dooshbag getting a promotion over you, embarrassment at having rage, overwhelment because you want to make money independently but are fearful and not sure how to do it...

I think you may be trying to tackle the big demons first. Don't. Don't try to solve the really gigantic ,drama filled stuff first. That is the wrong place to start.

the first thing you need to do is dial it down and get to a place where you can feel more relief and less panic. Looking at the situation at work is doing the opposite of that. You look at work and it only magnifies your anger, humiliation and rage. So, refocus to where you feel a little better.

1. Do whatever you do to relax and feel good. Hike, do macrame, go shopping, talk to your cat, go skeet shooting, whatever it is that will stop you from thinking obsessively about negative emotions and keep you feeling good.

2. Some times I like to masturbate. It is really difficult to feel awful when you've fired off a few orgasms.

3. Treat yourself nice. Go to your favorite restaurant, buy yourself a present or seduce someone into rubbing your feet.

4. Start building your treasure map, vision board or list of what you would like your future to look like. Remember the goal of this exercise is to ignore what is and create what will be. Do this as long as it is fun.

5. OK, so maybe you absolutely cannot move on from anger and revenge to a better feeling place. It happens sometimes. Some people start to obsess over feeling wronged or upset and they can't turn it off. It is in your best interest to figure out how to turn away from the negativity and focus on making yourself feel better. If you keep offering a chronic vibration of being victimized and feeling angry over someone else's bad behavior you call it into you life like a beacon. You don't want that.

6. Get it out of your system. Write a hate letter and then burn it. Still feel horrible and helpless, write another one. Go running, take a bubble bath. Have a glass of wine if you like and start doing your favorite hobbies. Try a new hobby. Learn how to scuba dive or salsa dance. Make the energy you spend work for you instead of wasting it on stuff that pisses you off.

7. Pay attention to the good things in your life. Make a huge long list of your attributes, personal characteristics, and great stories. Write yourself a love letter. Take the time to offer appreciation to whatever divinity you worship for your uniqueness and the good things in your life.

8. Love something. Preferably yourself, but no matter. The momentum of the universe is powered by love so as long as you love something it moves your life along nicely instead of feeling stagnated or worse, trapped. Buy a fern, hug a cat, pet the neighbors dog, borrow a baby to snuggle, feed the birds. Love something and you start the motion forward in your life again.

9.[COLOR="darkred"](This next piece of advice is for advanced Indigos only so skip if you aren't there yet.)[/COLOR] Find the gold in everything. Look for the better qualities and good parts of situations and people, even the ones that normally irritate and hurt you. Find the hidden gold in those and appreciate it as often as you can. It might be only one tiny thing that you can appreciate but milk it. Maybe that jerk has great taste in cars, maybe the turbulent situation at work has really brought out the best in people. Dig deep and find something good.

10. Put you on the top of the list for who to please. Nobody else gets to be at the top priority but you, not your kids, your mate or your boss or mom,YOU. You decide to whatever it takes to make you happy in each moment. See the situation as an opportunity to bring joy closer to you. See every challenge as a question " How can I use this situation to make my life better?"
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Thanks iti great advice and hope to be chatting with you again soon!

ID you always have a wonderful list of things that helps. Thanks again and will start on some of the things on your list.

I am feeling better now after everyone helped with their advice. IS people are the greatest!! It will all turn out the way it is suppose to and I will work on not getting caught up in it. Thanks again!!! :)
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by ZhiLin
You're being far too harsh on yourself. But you're also approaching this from the wrong angle, in the completely wrong context.

1) About the harassment: Why would you get your workplace involved? Of course his clan is going to stick with him, not with you. You need a lawyer, from outside.

2) Just go about your business. Do your job, no more no less. Find another similar job in the meantime. You need to be self-sufficient to have stability in your life.

3) Once you have another job, THEN you can focus on entrepreneurship on the side (without the ridiculous pressure).
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Where did my spirituality go? This is not acting as a spiritual being! I should be happy for this guy and just not let it get to me. Help!
_____

You are HUMAN. What he did to you, why would you feel that you should be HAPPY.. for him? It's an injustice. What I don't understand is when someone does someone wrong and it's wrong that the woman doesn't stand up for it so that it doesn't happen to another woman. LIke a wink to let it happen to someone else. I have a friend that worked for Boeing and she stood up in a class action suit and she won and she has her job and happy. She also got paid even when everyone was telling her to stop. You have to stand up for yourself when something is wrong. I would feel more guilty when something is wrong and not speak up to it since always thinking of the next person and what they would go thru from not saying anything. To me.. that is more spiritual to speak against wrong doing that not sayinig anything or standing up for what you believe is right.
J
tappsislandmom
 
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why does age matter in the learning process? many people older than you learn to manage businesses, have to adapt to changing times etc. dont short change yourself

when it comes to someone who has harrassed you.. id say maybe look into night school or correspondence classes to eventually get you doing what it is you want.. instead of working under a pig

you arent a fraud, youre just questioning yourself.. someone told me its the sign of a healthy mind =)
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Sneakers
 
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[QUOTE=tappsislandmom;656546]
You are HUMAN. What he did to you, why would you feel that you should be HAPPY.. for him? It's an injustice. What I don't understand is when someone does someone wrong and it's wrong that the woman doesn't stand up for it so that it doesn't happen to another woman. [/QUOTE]

You are right, I do not have to be happy for him. I did all I could do to right the injustice. I went to my supervisor and he didn't want to deal with me so I when to HR and they did not want to deal with me so I when to the state department over the university system that I work for and started corresponding with them and when the HR department found out about it they wanted to deal with the situation. No law suit was filed but it ended up that there was a mediation where he and I was in a meeting with a neutral person a manager and I told him exactly how I felt how he violated my space and how inappropriate it was what he did. After that he backed off but he is a pure playboy and he plays with the girls at work. The director of my department told me while this was going on that I should have just spoke to him and not taken it into the system. He was telling me I was not handling it the best way. So the law is there the department is there but they really do not want to deal with it. I did all I could do. He continues to play the women but nothing is done. I think I was the only one that complained. I also complained about another guy that was stalking me to management before this happened and they took care of that immediately so I am not sure why it was different when it came to this guy. I don't want to say what he did but it shocked me and was very inappropriate. Very out of the norm.
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FirstWave
 
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Uhm maybe its not your EGO telling you this. I mean when we tame our ego that doesn't mean we become passive sheep, holy and saintl.. We still grow indignant and make decisions to take ourselves out of a certain kind of energy. My decision to leave corporate America wasn't ego based, it was spiritual based. I decided I never was cut out for that sort of life but my EGO mind had kept me fixed there for years. Your true spirit will tell you far more so than your ego mind to look out for yourself. Spiritual people who are bascially just ego minds overload with some peace programming will tell you that looking out for yourself is selfish. They don't seem to get that looking out for yourself doesn't translate into looking out ONLY for yourself. When we make that sort of transformation, the people in our lives automatically benefit from it.


[QUOTE=FirstWave;656437]So I have notice that there is two inside of me. The spiritual part and the ego part that comes up when certain things are triggered. The ego is giving me trouble.

They are having a lot of changes at work because of budget cuts. Some were laid off and some were given a retirement incentive and my immediate supervisor took the incentive and he is to leave at the end of the month. Management has not made any plans on what will happen to his job. I was hoping for a chance for his position. Today I find out that they have given all my supervisors duties to a co-worker temporary or maybe they are grooming him for the position. That is my feelings on it. My ego is just horrified because this individual sexually harassed and bullied me in the past and now he is learning my supervisors duties and will probably be promoted. I actually tried to file sexual harassment charges against him but my work did not like me doing that. I went outside the system and then they wanted to help me with it but all that happened was a mediated meeting where I told him how I did not like what he had done. Everybody 'loves' him in the office and he is good buddies with a lot of higher ups. He also has sexual affairs with many of the women in the office which is totally overlooked and many girls are his groupies. I am furious and want to quit! My ego wants to quit immediately.

I would like to open up my own business but know nothing on how to do it and not sure what I want to do. I am in my 50's and not sure how to go about all of this. Any advice would be appreciated. Please help me see this from the spiritual lens. What is this reflecting about me? I just can't see it but I hate corporate america.

Where did my spirituality go? This is not acting as a spiritual being! I should be happy for this guy and just not let it get to me. Help![/QUOTE]
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Celticknot
 
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YOu know this being a spiritual being shit has everyone fucked up and questioning themselves because we are basing our spirituality on a standard that simply doesn't exist. My spirit doesn't want to be virtious or saintly. I want a free spirit, not one who has to behave a certain way imposed on with certain behaviors that just aren't me. Who the hell would want to be a saint, look at all the fun human stuff you'd miss out on.



[QUOTE=tappsislandmom;656546]Where did my spirituality go? This is not acting as a spiritual being! I should be happy for this guy and just not let it get to me. Help!
_____

You are HUMAN. What he did to you, why would you feel that you should be HAPPY.. for him? It's an injustice. What I don't understand is when someone does someone wrong and it's wrong that the woman doesn't stand up for it so that it doesn't happen to another woman. LIke a wink to let it happen to someone else. I have a friend that worked for Boeing and she stood up in a class action suit and she won and she has her job and happy. She also got paid even when everyone was telling her to stop. You have to stand up for yourself when something is wrong. I would feel more guilty when something is wrong and not speak up to it since always thinking of the next person and what they would go thru from not saying anything. To me.. that is more spiritual to speak against wrong doing that not sayinig anything or standing up for what you believe is right.
J[/QUOTE]
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