“What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you went to heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if,when you awoke,you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then?”
― Samuel Taylor Coleridge
A Silent Master
Wow, I am surprised this thread is still alive.
Well, a refresh, I still work at a call center, way after this post I had several schizophrenic experiences, I learn how everything is possible, I even believed my self the creator for a moment, hehehe, silly me.
But even if I am not the hero I wanted to be, I still can change, little by little, whatever I see, not today, but if I see tomorrow, I can see the difference that I had made, for good or for bad, I try my best.
Most people tell me that I think too much, but is ok, if I wouldn't think too much I wouldn't be thinking enough, and well, from thinking too much, comes the LOOP, the loop when you find everything is possible, and well, even if I am still a loser, a dork, a nerd, an underpaid agent, I am just part of existence, as I have being for a while, and we all have.
At least what I think for now, because, well, my mind is so malleable for reason, that when I dream is hard for me to lucid dream, as for most.
This reminds me of that dreadful time when you start a class or attend a workshop and they ask you to form a circle and introduce yourself.... I get nervous, my hands start sweating, my mind is blank, and I don't know what to say and I just want to start screaming like a maniac and run out as fast as I can.... LOL
Anyway, here I am facing my worst fear
Hello! my name is Vilma I am 35yo, married, have one son ...wait a sec... this sounds so boring.....
I was born ..... oh no!!!!
(blank mind and heart is beating fast)
I am the only child of very young parents... when I was 6 months I got very sick and I was clinically dead for about 5 min (I started entertaining a theory that I am a starseed), my aunt who is a nurse brought me back to life when everybody gave up on me. My parents got so traumatized and broke by the whole experience that they decided to no have more children. I remember seeing lots of entities around me when I was a child specially a man who would watch me in my crib when I was asleep, I would scream and cry, my parents would come to my room and the entity who would become like a yellow orb would go out the window and nobody else could see it but me
I was very lonely, both of my parents worked so I spent most of my childhood with maids, wait, I remember spending time with my grandma when I was little, it was one of the happiest moments in my childhood, she was very sweet and loved me so much
When I was 8 or 9 I asked my parents to give me a sibling or a dog... so they gave me my dog Toyi, a crazy grey french poodle! he was my companion for many years! but he was such a chicken! he was very scared of spirits and dark places, so whenever he felt "something" he would run to me and I would just freak out! except one night we were sleeping and he started growling at my toy box, I woke up and I realized the top of the box was opening by itself! OMG! :O I got so scared, I had to sleep with the lights on for many nights... I loved that dog so much!
Once, we went to our farm for a long Holiday so Toyi stayed at my grandma's which is like about 10 or 20 miles from our home. Some thieves tried to break in my grandma's house and Toyi got lost in the middle of the conmotion back at the farm we didn't have phones or computers, but I knew something bad happened to Toyi, I couldn't wait to go back home and see him, when we returned from the farm and I found out my best friend got lost I almost died, I cried for many nights, my parents put ads on newspapers and tv. but nothing happened.
Then, one morning after two months, I looked out the window and I saw him! I called him and he looked back at me! I called my parents to check him out but had to run out to school so I didn't know if it was him or not, but when I came back from school there he was! I was so happy to have my best friend back, that even my dad got emotional and cried (he never cries).
Ok, so now you know a little bit about me, I hope it wasn't too long or boring, I'll continue my story later, it's kinda late and I'm sleepy! C ya!
Om trailokya raksharakshahum phat swaha
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“Why is it that hate comes out so easily, yet...love? It gets trapped inside.” - William Shakespeare
Thank you for this.
I am 25. I was born on New Year's Eve.
Overall, I had a pretty easy childhood - good family. I was a strange kid so I was out-casted by the upper-class "popular kids", but I was still popular without being "popular" because I was open to everyone and talked to everyone, so people gravitated towards me. My life has always been like this. Sometimes it has been very hard to be everyone's shoulder. I was bullied by some, they later admitted to just being jealous of me. I graduated high school and went right into college where social life was a little easier for me because it seemed other people caught up with me to realize cliques were temporary, limiting and dumb.
Although I've always felt pushed to be a healer (and soon began to believe it as my own mission).... I am terrible at math - so I gravitated towards environmental studies in school (I felt: "fastest way to a degree dealing with things I didn't totally hate so I can get a job and actually start my life")... I soon realized that everyone likes to tell me what to do, who I should be, and who I am, and rarely is that a reflection of truth. It didn't matter what job I've ever had. Even right now where I am the assistant to the dean at a college. People always ask me "What do you want to do with your life?" and it makes me think that I'm lost and not following out my destiny on this planet. What else should I be doing? So sometimes I make up lies and tell people what they want to hear... I tell them I have plans to go back to school, or pursue some higher position.... but I don't really. I don't. The truth is, I'm totally happy in my job. It's a job - simply a tool that I need to be able to live my life.... (don't be fooled -- you *do* need money.)
But if I view my job as just a job... then what am I doing with my life? I don't know. Honestly, I feel lost at this point in my life. I feel that I should have some destiny, some calling... for many, that is their career.... but for me? I don't know... I just don't know what I'm good at.... or, I don't know how to turn my talents into something productive for manifesting my purpose or destiny..... am I a healer? am I a teacher? I don't know. People have told me both. I know I have exceptional organizational skills.
I'm more sensitive than I like to admit - or, sometimes I just forget how sensitive I really am. I am prone to headaches & migranes. I tend towards introversion, but I'm not anti-social. I need to bathe after coming in contact with "negative energy"... I've always done this and only recently learned this is a natural/instinctual behavior among psychic people. I don't consider myself psychic in the usual sense .. I don't hear voices, I don't talk to the dead, or anything like that. I'm empathic, but not to the extreme. Even though I can feel sad, I rarely cry.
People have told me I radiate a certain joy, and I laugh all the time -- :O) I do tends toward a happy mood.
I've always been a spiritual person, and have been in and out of spiritual forums, chats, etc since 2004 or so. So enter the labels I've found and identify with. In many ways I feel very human, and in other ways I feel very not-human. Maybe even super human.
I cannot possibly fully describe everything in this post about "me" - but this is a small glimpse.
Last edited by ElvenStar; 04-16-2011 at 05:35 PM.
"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves."