Who we are?, an informal thread.

[Roier]

I just wanted to make a thread where whe talk about our common life, something informal, where we say who we are and what we do, no labels, but say things as we perceive them.

If we are social, antisocial, how do we think people see us.

What are we doing, subjects that may be are not uncommon for somekind of people, but is boring for people around us.

I by example, work at a call center to assist people with their mobile phone issues, and eat a lot of anger from them, a lot of frustration.

Have my savings on the stock market and I love to play Unreal Tournament 2004.

I had many girl friends, but I have 3 years without a formal relationship, thats because I can't stand no more to hurt or be hurted, now I feel insecure of starting anything formal.

The stock market absorbs my mind, but it goes really slow, like a garden, and even it is developing a lot of patience from me, some times I get really bored.

I save as much as I can and have no debts, that makes me feel confident of money, but it also makes me feel insecure of sharing my way of life with a girl, cause then my ordered chaos kind of life balance, will be in risk.

Being alone gaves me all the control of my life, being with somebody takes all control of it.

It is like being a passenger of a driver you don't trust, I don't like to lose control.

My current relationships are very light, I do what I want, she does what she wants, there is no relationship, but I keep control of my life, so I only date girls that want kind of the same, but obviously, never ends on a long term relation.

I'm on the stock market but I don't know other people who invest there, some times I met somebody who does, but they let the stock market quikly, I have almost 3 years in it.

About video games, I like unreal as my only first person shooter, I played a lot a game named elder scrolls, and love real time strategy games, any.

I used to go to a lot of bars, then I saw it as an unecesary expense, but went to parties, then I noticed that I enjoyed being alone.

Recently, I am going to bars again, but just as a social tool, I may be not enjoy being there, but I like the social bonds it creates, It's kind of a job for me, a job for making social relationships that I may even not fully enjoy, but consider them necesary.

What I would love is to leave to a pure state of mind, and in some model I see it possible.

Or I would love to go to a place, where everybody has my same interests, and have long conversations about what I like, but what I like changes to fast, so I may like to be moving to where people with my interests are or that people around me moves to the same interests.

But I recognize that we all are like our digital fingerprints, never the same, never orderer, and that the best way of making a life is to accept those around us, faking interest in what they like, and knowing that they can't remotely understand a little of my interests so they are not able to comment.

So back to loneliness.

I don't want anyone to comment on what I said, unleast is to share something similar, I'd like that we each, try to tell who we are in this thread, I know some of you will hear happier, others sad, angry, nostalgic, desperate, but talk about your self, take it out, once and for all, tell who you are and why you are/feel different.

Let this be an edonistic thread, where we all talk about our selfs, Me me me me.

Let's laught about our selfs, let's read our personalities, let's embrace our differences.

You know something, why I write to much?, it's because I have a hard time telling good bye, it's like hanging the phone on someone you like.

But, see you later.

[IKA]

hey,

i know exactly how you feel. i, too have always been a loner and anti-social however, when i'm with immediate members of my family i can be one hell of a livewire. i'll shriek and laugh hysterically as if i'm on a sugar high. but all in all, i have my dark moments too and everyone in the house knows that. i too feel that socialising is a lot of work; going to parties bore the shit out of me, the same as going to clubs or pubs on busy nights, I just cannot stand it. I basically have to be persuaded, and on most occasions dragged to go out. lol. but its still no fun when you're being forced to do things you're not happy or comfortable with. However, I do occasionally go out to see live bands or comedy shows just because i love music and i like comedy. but i cannot stand idiots with some lame-ass shtick in their comedy routine. i can sense the lameness from afar. or seeing trendy music scenesters who attend shows just to flaunt their arrogance or latest new trendy haircut. it burns me up! grr.


on another similar note, i have worked in lowly paid and underappreciated jobs in the past. all of them are customer service related and as of tomorrow, i will be working in a call centre job dealing with telephone, internet, and mobile faults for a national telephone company. I always feel that i have been given jobs that require some sort of sacrifice, for the benefit of others, almost martyrdom like, and this sort of responsibility certainly happens at home too. Thus, I always feel conflicted, because as much as I have this great deal of genuine empathy towards people and the need to help the underlings of society, I also feel overwhelmed by it, and have a tendency to rebel and disrupt at times. I feel that this is a burden and am actually trying to come into terms with it, because I've come to realise that whenever i please others, it actually makes me happy.

[TheRavenMother]

deleted

[FreeSpeak]

Whoosh, you guys... Whatever we are and wherever we are, we are reaching out to one another. As I have mentioned elsewhere, I am 65 years old, a writer, had TWO entertainment careers as a radio DJ and later was a party/wedding DJ.

MANY, MANY GodSpeak experiences of Circumstance, Serendipity, Fate and Dela'Vu all coming together at a time. "Don't worry too much it will happen to you - we were children once, playing with toys" The Low Spark Of High-Heeled Boys - Steve Winwood/Traffic.

It's been a helluva ride. If you are curious and want to read more, I put together an online autobiography for my kids. Its a free read - 47 chapters so far and I really should do an update. There is a year or so that I was so stoned, I can't account for the time. Similarly, I can't seem to account for the lovers.

http://plantyourseeds.blogspot.com/

.

[grandpa]

Hi Tina Victoria
I used to work for Mencap. You had chickens and donkeys in North London!?
Did the council know?

[snakeeyes]

I've never been to Europe, but it's a dream of mine.

Every job I have ever held has been a job where I haven't had to "answer" to others. They are also "different every day" type of jobs. To further simplify things, I now work for myself and love it. Although I can be a lazy employee like today. (I can't believe how long I've spent here in one day!)

My passion is art. I've always been the crafty kind, but finally found a profession in photography. Wedding Photography to be exact (after a year long stint as a photojournalist).
But I've got a "weird" view. Luckily it's the trend at the moment. I love irony and beauty in photography. I am told my work is very edgy.

I work at home all day, which is how I prefer things to be totally honest. Although I enjoy meeting people, I feel uncomfortable when around crowds or when I am in a close relationship with anyone. I don't know why. I could just live my whole life holed up in my house.....messing with my art.


I don't understand most people, and they don't understand me. I don't understand why they can't see what is so crystal clear to me, nor why I can't fathom their total disregard for anything meaningful. Oh well.

I like my solitude. I don't like chatter. I feel best when it's sunny or I am outside. I absolutely adore thunderstorms and will stay up all night if it's a good one.

If I am in a group, I always get a headache. It makes me very nervous feeling, very anxious. I can't read their minds or anything like that, I just don't like it at all.

I'm very empathetic. I would give anyone anything. Material things don't mean a lot to me. But I FEEL the pain of anyone around me. If they hurt, I hurt. I read that "Crystals" are supposed to have healing powers, yet I don't. Not at all. I just have empathy, and a very uncomfortable feeling when I can't "solve it". Conflict makes me physically ill, even when I am not a participant and only a witness.

Again, I'm yapping my head off, but that pretty much explains me. LOL

MotherRaven..........what happened to all those dogs?????

[pellet]

I was bright, jovial and careless when I was young, then I was dimmed, weighed down by a serious mindset, rigid in views, definite in beliefs and unable to be happy by myself for any moment. I formed bad habits, like watching hours and hours of tv, fear of my peers, a general feeling of aloneness and abandonment.
I found christianity, which reignited my spiritual passion, then I grew disillusioned with the dogmatic stance of it, I knew what I felt was real, I wanted to find its Source. I then found the key to growth, the way to allow yourself to become flexible, this spiritual scalpel is simply AWARENESS. Its the knife of truth that I realised, forgot, realised and am currently still caught in this cycle. The intervals are becoming shorter, I grow, I learn, I accept, I move forward (or backward should times be rough) and the creation continues to be evolved, its formless shape appearing for an instant in a form, but the next in another, dodging the eye, quick like quicksilver, it slips your grasp, unattainable should you try, but sits like a star if held openly.
I feel like a wounded soldier, rugged and worn, bashed and shorn, but still jovial with a streak of hope for victory.

[carrie]

hi im carrie, im 28 from north east england uk.

i have a degree in arts eduction and spent most my lie attached to some musical instrument. I then fell in love with visual arts and took up photography when i was at university. from then i developed digital art and that was what i was going to go into as i was already doing commisions for people. you can see some of my old work at

Visionless Art | Digital Art and Blindness Connect

then last january i noticed my sight wasnt doing to well. i was born blind in one eye and partial in the oterh but never really used a cane or needed any help other than with alot of print.

this last year my life kinda went on hold as my health took over. i lost my sight quickly and it is still deteriating. cant read now and am totally blind at night and in bright light. i use a cane and am learing braille. my art work stopped because eventually i ran out of ways to adapt it.
i now concentrate on sculpture, painting and mixed media.
other things have gone pear shaped . my memory is non exixtant and i have to use a wheelchair alot, the rest of the time i use a walkign stick. im also wearing nappies cos that side of things gave up.
iv had mris and seeing loads of drs. they think i hae motor neurone disease or MS. i personally dont think they will find whats causing it. i dont know why but i just have this feeling. maybe in denial that it could be something bad.

this has turned into a rant oops back on topic.

i spend one day a week in an art studio where i help people with their work.
i have a boyfriend who i try to spend as much time as i can wit between all teh dr appointments and hours and hours of bed rest i ned. he was made totoally blind and deaf when he was twelve and had lukemia. the treament unfortunatly damaged things in his brain.
Im sure he is some kind of spirit worke becaue he is so pure of heart but i cant put my finger on where he came from or why he is here.

i live with my parents. had to move back for support. dont have many freinds as they drift away when you cant get out with them. but im happy because i prefer lots of time on my own.

to keep me amused i run a forum for visually impaired people called eyeswideopen. It has a message board that is being used by people from all over the world . I also set up a blindy friendly social network similar to facebook which is highly inaccessible for us but it too turned out to nto be that bothered about blind people wanting access so im currently looking elsewhere for that project. I also write and send out a monthly magazine to visually impaired people this month its so far gone to nearly 250 people.

i also love listening to audio books, radio plays and documentories.
iv just got animal crossing on teh wii. my tv is pretty big and right in my face so i can manage to play it still.

[adonis777]

Excellent thread ROIR,

Í´ve been a musician all my life but it´s not my full time job,

and i like to read a lot,

I read everything I can get my hands on,

My style is self suffiency,

I try to live for the moment....which is difficult because society is geared totally to the opposite,

my current fun is song analysis,

I´m working on a solo set (music),

I had a rock band but the other members deserted me,

They said i was too authoritarian.....I agreed with them,

someone has to make decisions....and i´m good at that,

yesterday I nailed a song down on my keyboards,

it´s called black is black (hey I sound just like gene pitney!),

and I also managed to get some reggae material into the mix,

which is good for me cause I want my new set to be more diversified,

I have two keyboards one for rythm tracks and the other for piano and organ,

music helps me deal with this world,

it´s my escape route when things get muddy (so to speak),

and I get to share it with other people who listen to me at concerts,

so i don´t feel so selfish.

[Lake]

Hi Carrie, welcome to IS and nice to meet you. I've wondered why a lot of major websites don't build more accessibility into their design in the first place. You've done quite a lot during a difficult year!

[h0bby1]

lol i can go ahead to make a my story lol i must start back some time ago to explain everything because it is like a surf between ppl and place and things that go far and lead me where i am now lol so i think i can start at the school period, i always have been considered as somebody smart, by teachers and ppl, and i always been into learning science or things about scientific, and formulas, and the school teaching got me more and more bored , and i spent more and more time on the computer doing programs, like most of the time little video games or simulations or things like this , and when i was about 15 we formed a team with other ppl, which i knew from the school too, they were very good at drawing, and one other was doing electronic music, with trackers at this time fruity loop did not exist yet, it was pre window time, and we quickly dived quite deeply into the digital world , and demoscene, and i quickly learnt advanced thing in math and programming, and at one time we got selected into an european scale contest, it was in 98 so ten years ago i was like 16 , and we met lots off ppl there, lots of other programmers and got lots of software and cool site addresse and tips and stuff, and then i encourage me to go ahead in this way, and i parted in several team since that time , in the same time the gifted children thing started to come around in teacher and parent hears and i was sent to paris in a special shcool, because i was not doing really well at normal school, and needed a diploma of some sort, during this time i started to connect more and more with various thing around computer underground, hackers, or demomaker or cracks, or video game creation team,as well as with free parties and the techno scene, i already was familiar a bit with this througth demoscene, lots of common ppl between both, until a team i went in, where a guy was working into some kind of famous multimedia company , and showed some stuff i made to his boss, like i was working on a multimedia 3D engine for the web , and his boss engaged me in paris, at a good wage there,then i moved there living in my friend house for some time, well i didn't stayed long there, i dunno first the guy who bring me here was like in a stage , and was not really well talked to by the other ppl, and he was arabs and it smelled like racist taste etc, well buisness world lots of guy who worked on famous movie and such but i was like not feeling at ease at all there lol
and then the guy seeing how the guy were considering us, well i helped to design several thing there, and even i was explaning things to the technical director etc how to design things etc, and my friend felt they were a bit taking us for dumber than we were, and well i don't know i think it was a bit true lol and then he introduced me to other ppl who worked on this company before, they were like the 2 first emploeye of this company and left to create their own buisness, and then i moved there,
it is where i am now, during the time also i always keep connected with demoscene and stuff, been in some famous groups and keep working on my 3D engine, on several project, didn't reallly release anything for several year now , the company take much time and there was trouble in some grp i was in etc, and so now i'm still in this company for some years, which is a little company, it evolved into lots of different things , now it is in Newyork and we got investor and guyz from the market, a patent done, and we work on several thing from sites, multimedia things, streaming, R&D etc , and we are connected with a thing with a electronic label cooperative which is forming on, including like several hundred of little label around europe, mainly french and england , and i met lots of cool ppl , who organise free parties ,and to who i felt really connected 10000000x more than all those buisness ppl with their crazy $$$mania well it does not earn lots of money, but i really like the project going on there, most of the company i seen, even if it pay well, it just looked that all the ppl and project are totally empty of any sense, and ppl make themself high because they win lot of money in doing crap with other fuckers , and the whole thing disgusted me really a lot, how it is done , and the vibe from the ppl give me goosebumps each time i see one lol it is good i rarely meet the clients and stuff lol so for now i work mainly on the company things and coding 3D engines, video games, demos or other kind of things also in free time, and several thing going on there and there i slowed down a bit everything since i came here because it really seem important to me that i become a bit more spiritual and opened to more things now lol i just aspired me here a lot i just realised lots of things around energies and empathy thing that i had in my brain for so long now i can handle this better but well i'll go and work on some more video game project now that i have a first quality modern 3D engine that can work on the web , amur is on some project too i hope we can come out with something with him, he have crazy ideas and concept to make great game

[Lake]

I don't know where to begin with my life story.

Carrie, we should probably write a brief description of photos/images we post? I do this on other web writing I do. I'm not sure why I've never done it on IS.

[adonis777]

I don't know where to begin with my life story.

Carrie, we should probably write a brief description of photos/images we post? I do this on other web writing I do. I'm not sure why I've never done it on IS.

Try now.

[Lake]

It's boring. Same as most people: difficult childhood, worked a lot, married and had kids, weird choices and chance led to where I am now. It's not that interesting.

[adonis777]

It's boring. Same as most people: difficult childhood, worked a lot, married and had kids, weird choices and chance led to where I am now. It's not that interesting.

That doesn´t sound boring all,

why?

because it´s real.

[Silverhaze]

hmm...

well I am a student studying Psychology... which to me is kind of a joke... a bit I mean I am learning but not that much I feel often that I am just jumping hoops to be licensed to do what I do naturally all the time, help people

I usually by default find the good in everything and for this reason get obsessed with things very easily and when I say that I do not like something it is often very easy to change my mind by just forcing me into contact with it

I use to hate quitting things but after wasting a lot of time on things that I wasn't good at nor wanted to do I quit not quitting

now I am finally in control of my life and I do what I like, go where I please, spend my time where I want to be

I like to help people... especially teens and I am a member of TALUS (TRIO Alumni Association) I'm actually currently the president of my chapter
anyways we help kids from low income areas who are the first in their family get into college and get acquainted with the system and lingo
I also work for one of the TRIO programs the one I was in when I was younger
it is more than a job to me
I love it!

Well I'm done talking about me for a while

[h0bby1]

It's boring. Same as most people: difficult childhood, worked a lot, married and had kids, weird choices and chance led to where I am now. It's not that interesting.

you must have done at least some fun things in your life no ? at least a bit of somethign to help to know who you are ?

[carrie]

yeah that would help lake but im not going to ask people to do that everytime they post a picture. its actually quite difficult to describe an image visually effectivly. il just poke my nose in on ones i want to know more about.

[Lake]

It's fun to do and a lot of them can be written up pretty quickly, though I take my time if details are impotant to the context. I've also written out a synopsis of a short video or two for someone--those were a bit of a challenge but fun to do. Effective writing is about good communication and community. If I'm leaving others out, I'm not communicating well.

I know you didn't ask--I just wanted to offer.

[meg]

I am at the momoent unemployed and recovering from a string of emotional events work friends(lack of) and love.
I FEEL LIKE I AM A MASSIVE CONTRADICTION: I can be so social that i can monopolise entire social situations and be the centre of attention. i am at times completely antisocial, it all depands on my mood and the people around me:confused. I think
In work i also find myself drawn to jobs where i feel like i am helping and doing some good in the world. I was a face to face charity fundraiser for 4 years chatting with people from all walks and trying to affect change. I found this job very challenging and very rewarding. Ultimately i think the job became to sales orientated with appealed to me not at all.
I have been in love and i have been loved. i think i have compromised myself in these relationships and am now on a journey to find true peace within myself and with that i hope comes true people to share it with.