I've felt this way for years and I feel this way tonight as I type these words, but do any of you other star seeds feel as though our souls are unable to express their deepest capacity of love through these earthen languages? It's as if no other can comprehend the way we do things when in love, the way we try to express love...
I have, for years, written poetry.. and in these compositions, one mere sentence understood by someone else would be drawn out into lengthy forms of written art. I have been yearning for so long to find someone who just fills the void that I feel, this incessant need to have someone who understands the language of my soul, and I'm not sure of what I mean by that, but the terminology feels right.
I have these deep, profound emotions and feelings inside, and when I seek love and companionship, a very human thing to seek, I find such a hard time expressing my love. It's as if the romanticism here isn't the same as the one from where I'm from. I try to express love and show it in my own way, but I'm often told that I don't open up enough, or the right way, or that I should do this or that. I've had successful relationships, and I've had unsuccessful ones.
I have my suspicions, though. As I once told someone, "I feel as though my love isn't expressed in the same ways as its expressed here on earth. Here, people express it through body, through sexual desire, through physical means, through word, and body language... but from wherever I'm from, I feel as though love is expressed of the mind, the spirit, the soul.. it's something that doesn't need to be spoken, to be felt, but just.. known to that person.. a deeply profound feeling that one fathoms in the instance of that person's eyes meeting or their presence being known..."
Do any of you have these problems? I am a hopeless romantic X 500,000,000 and I guess I need to find some closure or even understanding with what is going on with my ability to express romantic love to those I am supposed to be tender with.
I don't much like sex, I've had relationships where I LOVED it, I've had purely intellectual/mature relationships, I've had semi-romantic ones.. I just, don't know. Has love been killed for me? Am I not having starseed/soul issues, but past baggage that is affecting me?
For some reason, this is just a feeling that originates in the pit of my soul... and I feel as though it's been the reason why love had never been shown to me as a young child/teen growing up. Like, my family/others felt that I was heartless or unable to show love, and so they sensed that, and with much spite, they acted out in retaliation?
And all of this begs the question: If certain starseeds feel this way, should they hold off and wait for a starseed to come along, one of their type, etc? Should I shun all those who don't feel the same ways that I do?
I've been dating someone for 4 months, and that person knows all about my pagan background, the starseed/indigo stuff, the trances I go through sometimes (this person has been present for a few)... this one doesn't judge me and finds it all very worthy of checking out.. and they are so sweet, kind, courteous, and romantic.. but I find that I don't feel any sparks and even though I enjoy romance... I don't enjoy theirs..
Is it me? Is it my soul? Is it everyone? Is it the shift that's been going on?