My Heart Breaks

**Karshinjutsu** · 02-03-2008

I was just reading something....Realy,I can't blame anyone,but all I know is my feelings are hurt.I will not point fingers.I will just say that people seem to be getting a bit too strict for me here at IS.I have realised that some of you have values that reign true to the system I sought to escape.One word,CAM.Conformity,Authority,Magority.*grinds teeth*Lovely,aren't they?This is coming from a 13 year old.Of late,I've noticed that the people at my school are crowding around me.At least 50 try and talk to me at once,but their personalities only hurt my feelings.They are all alike.I am always being dragged away from by best friend,she is a crystal(same age as me)named Hayley.I have nothing to gain from them,but I've that they look up to me.When I am near them I become cold.I've never been one to keep my mouth shut,but their eyes paralyze me.Hayley,dear sweet Hayley helps me though.But she has gifted classes so we only see each other at lunch,rarely at break.I feel the same feeling I get from them with some of you.It's an old feeling.Like walking the desert too long.Maybe I'm just changing into an overemotional sloth,heh.I'm naturaly a loving person.I am normaly the most hyperactive person in my town (with the exception of Hayley).Now,there are people who hurt my feeling just by looking at me.Just by typing what they think is a quick message.But nothing is quick.Not in my mind.Not caring for every single thing hurts me.I can't even use your human words and concepts to think with.I've started thinking without words.If I speak it just blurts out.Luckily I don't have to,because mother knows what I mean.I've nearly been drivin to taking an abacus to school because that's the only way I understand math.Everthing hurts now.The world is greying to my touch.I make people happy by being around them,but it leaves me with a heartache.My heart starts to skip beats by being near CAM people.My body temperature is fluxuating rapidly.My normal temperature goes from 96 to 102 in no time flat when I'm around these people.I can only talk with kids who are at least 2 years younger,plus Hayley.Only they understand my wordless concepts.They understand my love of finding infinite traps created by human sayings.I need to either know whats wrong with me,or I need someone here who understands to be my friend.I can only discuss Indigo/Crystal/Rainbow phenomenon with Hayley,but I need someone to talk to here.Remember,I rarely see her.My Heart Breaks without a Constant Friend.
P.S.Rug,TheRavenMother,and Patryc are the type who aren't Cam people.Bless them into the infinite blue.
P.P.S Constant Friends are those who you can talk to when you need.

**EnemyAtLineSix** · 02-03-2008

Originally Posted by Karshinjutsu

I was just reading something....Realy,I can't blame anyone,but all I know is my feelings are hurt.I will not point fingers.I will just say that people seem to be getting a bit too strict for me here at IS.I have realised that some of you have values that reign true to the system I sought to escape.One word,CAM.Conformity,Authority,Magority.*grinds teeth*Lovely,aren't they?This is coming from a 13 year old.Of late,I've noticed that the people at my school are crowding around me.At least 50 try and talk to me at once,but their personalities only hurt my feelings.They are all alike.I am always being dragged away from by best friend,she is a crystal(same age as me)named Hayley.I have nothing to gain from them,but I've that they look up to me.When I am near them I become cold.I've never been one to keep my mouth shut,but their eyes paralyze me.Hayley,dear sweet Hayley helps me though.But she has gifted classes so we only see each other at lunch,rarely at break.I feel the same feeling I get from them with some of you.It's an old feeling.Like walking the desert too long.Maybe I'm just changing into an overemotional sloth,heh.I'm naturaly a loving person.I am normaly the most hyperactive person in my town (with the exception of Hayley).Now,there are people who hurt my feeling just by looking at me.Just by typing what they think is a quick message.But nothing is quick.Not in my mind.Not caring for every single thing hurts me.I can't even use your human words and concepts to think with.I've started thinking without words.If I speak it just blurts out.Luckily I don't have to,because mother knows what I mean.I've nearly been drivin to taking an abacus to school because that's the only way I understand math.Everthing hurts now.The world is greying to my touch.I make people happy by being around them,but it leaves me with a heartache.My heart starts to skip beats by being near CAM people.My body temperature is fluxuating rapidly.My normal temperature goes from 96 to 102 in no time flat when I'm around these people.I can only talk with kids who are at least 2 years younger,plus Hayley.Only they understand my wordless concepts.They understand my love of finding infinite traps created by human sayings.I need to either know whats wrong with me,or I need someone here who understands to be my friend.I can only discuss Indigo/Crystal/Rainbow phenomenon with Hayley,but I need someone to talk to here.Remember,I rarely see her.My Heart Breaks without a Constant Friend.
P.S.Rug,TheRavenMother,and Patryc are the type who aren't Cam people.Bless them into the infinite blue.
P.P.S Constant Friends are those who you can talk to when you need.

Rue Says is my AIM if you ever need

**angelluv** · 02-03-2008

Well if you ever need somebody, feel free to talk to me. I am a lot older than you. I understand though. So feel free to PM me or something. Good luck with everything!

**Karshinjutsu** · 02-03-2008

Oh, sweetie...

Now you're going to make me cry. I'm sending you great big hugs of warmth and comfort dear.

*hugs*

-Imzy

Thankyou,but I don't want to make you cry.I did that enough yesterday at Walmart.(My mother cut her finger on a box)I just don't understand how I'm feeling.Talking with people who aren't therapist helps me.I need friends who know this feeling.I need a system that doesn't focus on pre-made concepts.That's why I'm here.I just had to vent my feelings.Your comment made my heart all warm.

Heart,

You are becoming aware.
the last few years your enviroment has been changed, The people around you no longer trust the established governement. The flood that changed your nieghborhood might have been your catyalyst.
Spend time with your crystal freind. and when you find yourself overwhelmed by the freinds that are stressing you. Look at them calmly and say. I need some alone time. " just for me".
they might be coming aware and are realizing you are a postive force in their lives.
You cant take care of anyone if you cant take care of yourself...be kind to yourself. Love your self enough to take care of your heart and your head.

sending hugs and warm wishes

So sweet of you...I understand what you say.I pride myself in my leadership abilities,but it's hard for me to pick myself up alot.I remember when I had taught my friend,Hayley,a form of meditation I had invented where we both hold hands and spin around slowly,outside,with our eyes shut.(Believe it or not it realy energyzes me.)One day after,we were in Social Studies and the teacher had yelled at me,real loud like.Hayley walked over,pushed the teacher away,and spun me around in an attempt to make me feel better.It may not have worked the way you'd think,but it did.While we were spinning,Hayley bumped into the teacher,from what I saw it was purposeful,and I scuffed the teachers foot.She later said that people need me to be happy.It just takes alot for me to pick up again sometimes.I can take care of my head,but my heart is the problem.

Rue Says is my AIM if you ever need

Yeah,I'll try and remember that,Heh.

Well if you ever need somebody, feel free to talk to me. I am a lot older than you. I understand though. So feel free to PM me or something. Good luck with everything!

Hey,thanks.I think I might take you up on that offer.People who have been there and done that realy make my day.Thakyou......

**sshenry** · 02-03-2008

Karshinjutsu, dearest one, let me know if there is anything I can help you with. At least take this electronic *hug*.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that many of the feelings you are feeling are not yours -you are tuning in to others and amplifying their feelings inside of yourself. I know it is difficult (I know because my daughter has the same problem) but once you have learned to sort out what feelings are yours and what feelings are others you will be able to care without the pain - or as distinct of pain as you describe.

If you need me, please send me a PM any time.

Namaste

**rug** · 02-03-2008

my dear beautiful soul. your words they dance and play and leap off my screen right to my heart.

ever if you need someone to listen to you, i am here

**LadyElement** · 02-03-2008

Dear beautiful Angel you are so amazing and full of love.

I love you as I love all
Mia

**Calibas** · 02-03-2008

I think many people are here to heal and many are here to be healed. In truth, it's probably some of each for everyone. Some people at IS could use a lot more healing than others, and that's why they're here. Our society as a whole usually rejects those who need the most help (homeless, criminals, insane) and worships those who need very little help (the rich and famous). We try to accept everyone here at IS.

You have a wonderful blessed gift and even those less aware are attracted to your light. I would consider being totally honest with the other students at your school. Go with what your feelings tell you.

Ask your feelings if you should stay at IS if you are doubtful. You may have already gotten everything you came here to get.

**Karshinjutsu** · 02-03-2008

Karshinjutsu, dearest one, let me know if there is anything I can help you with. At least take this electronic *hug*.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that many of the feelings you are feeling are not yours -you are tuning in to others and amplifying their feelings inside of yourself. I know it is difficult (I know because my daughter has the same problem) but once you have learned to sort out what feelings are yours and what feelings are others you will be able to care without the pain - or as distinct of pain as you describe.

If you need me, please send me a PM any time.

Namaste

I understand.Thankyou!You are very kind to offer your time to me if need be.So,your daughter is like that too?I wish your daughter well,and you too.Thankyou,again....

my dear beautiful soul. your words they dance and play and leap off my screen right to my heart.

ever if you need someone to listen to you, i am here

Hullo Rug,it's nice to hear from you again.I didn't realize my words did this.Then again many people do not realize alot,Heh!Thankyou for being there,my friend.Have a good one!

Dear beautiful Angel you are so amazing and full of love.

I love you as I love all
Mia

Awwww,so sweet!'Sankyou!Your always so kind to everyone!I'm saying thankyou for simply taking the time to look over this thread.So sweeeeeet....

I think many people are here to heal and many are here to be healed. In truth, it's probably some of each for everyone. Some people at IS could use a lot more healing than others, and that's why they're here. Our society as a whole usually rejects those who need the most help (homeless, criminals, insane) and worships those who need very little help (the rich and famous). We try to accept everyone here at IS.

You have a wonderful blessed gift and even those less aware are attracted to your light. I would consider being totally honest with the other students at your school. Go with what your feelings tell you.

Ask your feelings if you should stay at IS if you are doubtful. You may have already gotten everything you came here to get.

First of all,thankyou for looking over this thread,and second,thank you for putting in an effort to help.I'm pretty sure that anyone could use that comment as advice for themselves.IS is a very good place to heal and be healed.I think I use IS as a form of discovery.I like watching the run-around,but I do now and then try to be healed.Words are very powerful,but only when they are meant in sinc with your will.