To the “light worker” in denial of their own darkness

[Amethyst]

Note, I don't really like the term "light worker" or "dark worker" or "grey worker" etc (and don't call myself any of these), but for the purpose of communication and understanding, I will use it here.

To the “light worker” in denial of their own darkness

Before I had a very deep, constant, and honest look, at the “darker” aspects of myself, in my shadow, I was like you in some ways, too…in terms of how you sometimes judge people “negatively”…and feel fear of certain aspects of human nature (the parts that are not all light and happy and warm and soft)…

I now can see on IS, how some people judge some of the things that I used to judge…and feel frightened of…(the judgment and fear has not totally gone in me all the time, but I’m working on it…it’s considerably less than it used to be).

I used to have a big fear of aggressive confrontation, of conflict, of people judging me negatively, of the possibility of others feeling judged negatively by me, of people being hurt by what I said…of some of my own “darker” aspects…

For a long time, I wished that this world would one day all love, with no cruelty to animals or humans, ever, just all “love and light”…a part of me still wishes this, but I realized that this was probably “unrealistic”, “naïve”, and overly idealistic.

I sometimes blamed the harsher “darker” aspects of people and society, and the human race as a whole, on how I was feeling…that was why I felt sad, that was why I got wounded, that was why I felt depressed, that was why I felt anxious, that was why I felt angry…etc…

While I know, that, yes, us very sensitive ones, can and do sometimes get effected by the harsher aspects of the human race, I know, that I have the responsibility to grow in myself, to heal myself, and to do the best that I can do with the way that things are.

Part of my steps towards this, was to take a big, honest, look and feel, at the “darker” aspects of myself that were lurking in my shadow…

The amount of anger was the hardest thing for me to accept about myself...that was in the shadow…that I pushed much of it down, because:

I didn’t want to feel so angry (and I judged myself for it)

I didn’t want to express it because, from my heart, I didn’t want anyone to feel hurt by anything that I said, or did…

Because it conflicted with (part of) my self image that I was a “good, caring, kind, compassionate, person”…

Because I pushed much of the anger down, I rarely expressed it (other than sometimes, when I was a teenager, saying things like “this world is shit” “it’s such a cold/cruel world”…but when it came to people, I rarely expressed my anger, even when they had been “out of order” to me…just the occasional time when I had had enough, and exploded (not violently as in physically, rarely insults, but they did happen at times).

I often felt like a “victim” and quiet unassertive “doormat” than I am now (I’m not totally independent all the time in every way, and sometimes still feel victimised with some things, but it’s a lot less than it used to be).

Repressing and not owning up to the amount of anger and judgment, that was inside of me, for all of the reasons that I mentioned above, wasn’t very “healthy”, however, I can see, that there are times in a person’s life, when they are not strong enough, not open enough, to face these things in their shadow…so, the timing may have been “right” for me, and some of us will have different times/years, when we are more ready for the “shadow work”.

The shadow could be like a bottomless pit, and we probably will never fully face all of it, or totally heal every aspects of ourselves, in this lifetime (I could be “wrong” on this).

But, what’s important to me, that I face in the shadow, is the most personal things there, that effect my life and those of others around me…

I have a big, kind, heart, but I am not a “saint”, and no one is.

I have confronted (not all of) my fears on IS, and expressed some of my "shadow" aspects (subconsciously, or when they were coming out and processed), and have grown (somewhat) in doing so, though at times it has been difficult and painful. I sometimes thought/felt/believed/hoped, that this could help others understand and grow and heal, in whatever ways...

I used to sometimes feel some fear of a few people here, and sometimes judge them “negatively” and see them in a less colourful way, than I do now…

I want to thank those members here (who had faced and accepted more of the darker aspects of themselves, than I had done), who have been a help to me in facing and owning up to, some of the “darker” aspects in my shadow…

To me, facing my shadow (and not all of it), has been a very important and useful process, for growth, and for healing (I’m not done yet, of course!).

These things are not “who we are” (though they are a part of our human experience), and these things do not make us “negative” or “bad” people. It does not make us "not good enough". It does not make us "unlovable".

It has made me more understanding and aware of some things (in others and in myself), it has made me stronger in certain ways, it has made me wiser in some ways, it has made me more balanced in some ways, yet I am still stupid, ignorant, and foolish, sometimes…

I’m “human” like we all are.

Well, I hope that sharing this will be helpful to some in some way.

Love,

Amethyst

[14GoldCouncilOne888]

I sense that you better get to transmuting all of that. Look within . Look within in ways that belief is impossible for.

[evergreen]

That is so beautiful Amethyst. I feel very privilieged to have known you these years and experience things with you and to have seen this process. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself here. I have learned a lot from you and with you. I find comfort and hope in stories like yours.

[lillies1978]

Accepting the "dark" sides (what is that anyways? ... labels like that one are a result of conditional belief imo; and odd strife for one-sided perfection) is a crucial step to truly accepting yourself with all there is to it. You can't truly accept, love, and respect yourself if you are in denial about part of you; if you are judging part of you as wrong or inadequate.

I think it is important to assess the light and dark labeled qualities within to understand their origin, to understand the intrinsic motivation behind them. Certain traits are natural, they are meant to be; others have emerged out of experiences and are likely related to some sort of psychological defense (light and dark traits likewise!). Allowing natural traits to run their course is healthy and necessary; indulging in learned "defenses" is not so healthy, regardless whether it is viewed as "light" or "dark".

I talked to a "lightworker" in my family a while back and tried to explain to her that "darkness" is part of us. She rejected the claim at the time. Two years later she came back to me and said "you are right, darkness is part of us and we must accept it in order to love and respect ourselves". The dark traits are not necessarily ethical and seldom socially acceptable; thing is, social conditioning is trying to alter nature. We don't apply the consequences of altering nature to humans because commonly held belief implies that humans are above natural, universal law ... but if we look at other instances of human interference with nature, it is rather obvious that the results are rarely beneficial.

[sean keyes]

I'm on I phone, look up

Biffy Clyro
God and Satan

[pebble]

Beautifully put Amethyst=]

[AmentiHall]

Yes I don't like those labels.

To me lightworker encompasses it all, white, black, grey, lol.


This ad goes away when you register.

You know, the God-light, the non dualistic light, the trinitity, the womb and the phallis. etc.

Thank you Amethyst.

Besides if you wanna heal, if you want to reach the highest state. One must not only embrace the dark, but love, and also forgive. Forgive thsoe who don't know what they do. Forgive those who have lost touch. Let go and shine your light

And we've all grown quite a bit on this site and off. Regardless of what people who constantly try to bring out our flaws say. Take care.

[Alludor]

To me, a person that tries to be better towards herself and others, wathever may her flaws be, should be considered as much of a lightworker as the rest.

[Sontlux]

Keep going Amethyst! Your just getting started. The major hurtle has been jumped but the journey is so far from over. This where it gets fun (for you will soon see just how much fun all the pain is). Rest not on your laurels. Take a deep breathe, and go deeper! Woot!

Remember perspective. If this has taught you that your never right, only closer to correct, than your not paying attention (like science always thinking it knows everything)

[Visioneer]

So true. Love ya Amethyst.

[Amethyst]

Love you guys (((hugs)))

will reply later, off to get my eyebrows threaded and my hair relaxed, lol

[Rosewin]

Some people just need the Disney version to feel good about the story. Coping with their narrative. I have seen some claim to be in or doing the work of the light while hurting themselves and/or others. Just the dark manifesting within their imbalanced outlook. OK, so I admit that I have seen this in myself. No matter how far one tries to tip the scales the balance will naturally be restored.

[seamist]

great post Amethyst.

That journey can be dark and shocking at times but with each part you see and accept rather then judge, you become more whole and understand yourself better (along with understanding others better too).

Namaste

The shadow could be like a bottomless pit, and we probably will never fully face all of it, or totally heal every aspects of ourselves, in this lifetime

Many of us will heal those things this lifetime, its just all part of the ascension process.

[Amethyst]

Accepting the "dark" sides (what is that anyways? ... labels like that one are a result of conditional belief imo; and odd strife for one-sided perfection) is a crucial step to truly accepting yourself with all there is to it. You can't truly accept, love, and respect yourself if you are in denial about part of you; if you are judging part of you as wrong or inadequate.

What you have written here reminds me of when people (including myself, at times) say, "i'm not perfect", and/or "nobody is perfect"...what they are meaning, is that they are not 100% "love and light" all the time...so, most of us, have this idea/belief, that "perfection" is without "dark", and totally "light"...like you said, if it's "dark"...it must be a "flaw"...

So, what is "darK"? (in terms of human nature). Well, it seems to me that any emotion and/or action that feels painful, or causes/triggers pain in another, is concidered to be "dark" (fear, sadness, anger, violence, jugement, certain truths)...so then, is pain "wrong"? According to soceity, generally, it's not wrong if it's justified and given/experienced, at the correct amount (for example, in self defence, if someone you have never met before, came up to you and punched you, that would be concidered to be wrong, but you would be concidered to be right to punch them back to defend yourself)...I don't really know where I'm going with this...

Sometimes people feel justified, when they are not truly justified...

Pain can be useful, like for example, when felt in the body, it can be an indicator of some aspect of poor health, that can be healed if it is treated early enough, without the pain, one would not know about it, like when people are born with the inabilty to feel pain, they injure themselves often and easily, or die young, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congeni...tivity_to_pain.

The same goes (sometimes) with emotional pain...

When or when isn't it "justified" to cause another to feel pain?...(it's not black and white, but can be percieved differently by different people).

Back to what you said about accepting yourself, well you can love parts of you, and not other parts, so not accepting some or most or all of your "darker" aspects, would mean that you would not love all of you, which i think is what you meant when you said that you can't trully love yourself. How many people know themselves fully and love themselves fully? Are we "meant" to get to this place in ourselves? Is it possible? Is it realistic? Probably, I'm guessing, that people who feel as if they do love themselves fully, do not know themself fully, and are just loving what they are aware of in themselves?

Maybe, the most important thing is the way that we feel about, and treat ourselves, most of the time...and loving most of ourselves, and perhaps we do not have to love all of ourselves...and to treat ourselves with kindness as often as we can...to love all of ourselves constantly, while in human form, seems very ambiotious to me...perhaps some people (a very small minority) have managed it...

Perhaps we can love ourselves, without loving every aspect of our selves and of our experiences...(just had a thought, can we love that we do not love parts of ourselves, and/or some of our experiences? lol, that was a bit of a crazy illogical thought, but interesting to ponder)...

I think it is important to assess the light and dark labeled qualities within to understand their origin, to understand the intrinsic motivation behind them. Certain traits are natural, they are meant to be; others have emerged out of experiences and are likely related to some sort of psychological defense (light and dark traits likewise!). Allowing natural traits to run their course is healthy and necessary; indulging in learned "defenses" is not so healthy, regardless whether it is viewed as "light" or "dark".

Yeah, it's part of our human experience to feel sadness, fear, and anger, as well as happiness, joy, and laughter...etc…(and they are not necessarily either light or dark, or either painful or comfortable/pleasurable, the 2 can sometimes connect together, or be felt alongside each other, one can feel sad and happy (and/or at peace) at the same time, one can feel fear and love at the same time, I know that I have, one can feel hurt and/or angry because someone really hurt someone that they love. etc)...

I don’t believe that “you must choose fear or love”, new age thing, that if believed, would probably result in the person pushing the fear down into the shadow and then they will be acting from fear sometimes, without knowing it…and perhaps believing and/or saying that they are fearless (just because they may not feel it as fear, does not mean that they do not have fear inside, or do not ever come from fear… and not wanting to acknowledge their own fear)…I can understand what it’s getting at if not looked at in an either or, or, way…(choose less fear and more love, I get that, but not either fear, or love).

Some people feel more fear than others, some people may have more fear in their shadow, than others, but I don’t think that everyone has an equal amount of fear (consciously + subconsciously).

I talked to a "lightworker" in my family a while back and tried to explain to her that "darkness" is part of us. She rejected the claim at the time. Two years later she came back to me and said "you are right, darkness is part of us and we must accept it in order to love and respect ourselves". The dark traits are not necessarily ethical and seldom socially acceptable; thing is, social conditioning is trying to alter nature. We don't apply the consequences of altering nature to humans because commonly held belief implies that humans are above natural, universal law ... but if we look at other instances of human interference with nature, it is rather obvious that the results are rarely beneficial.

We all have a dualistic nature/human experience…it cannot be otherwise…

Accepting your “darker” aspects (“dark side” or “light side” is a black and white way of stating it, and/or looking at it, as if they are totally separate from one another…and they sometimes are not…), can make one more understanding and more compassionate about certain things…could say that sometimes, accepting dark + light = compassion, and some people believe that compassion is all “light”…but the combination can work together (like as with the “wounded healer”…).

[Know the Truth]

Amethyst, I think it's wonderful you are growing and reflecting on all aspects of your true self. I think everyone can relate to many of the things you've said here.

I believe that to have true compassion for others, we must experience darkness at some point. It is very true what you've said about "wounded healers." We all have light and dark within us. I embrace my light when I feel in my heart it will help me accept my darkness. I embrace my darkness when I feel in my heart that it will help me uncover my light.

It sounds like you are finding yourself, wherever the darkness or light may be.

When I read this thread, I immediately thought of this song, "Through the Dark" by KT Tunstall. Here's a video with the lyrics. I feel it speaks perfectly about what you are discovering.

[illuminati]

Note, I don't really like the term "light worker" or "dark worker" or "grey worker" etc (and don't call myself any of these), but for the purpose of communication and understanding, I will use it here.

To the “light worker” in denial of their own darkness

Before I had a very deep, constant, and honest look, at the “darker” aspects of myself, in my shadow, I was like you in some ways, too…in terms of how you sometimes judge people “negatively”…and feel fear of certain aspects of human nature (the parts that are not all light and happy and warm and soft)…

I now can see on IS, how some people judge some of the things that I used to judge…and feel frightened of…(the judgment and fear has not totally gone in me all the time, but I’m working on it…it’s considerably less than it used to be).

I used to have a big fear of aggressive confrontation, of conflict, of people judging me negatively, of the possibility of others feeling judged negatively by me, of people being hurt by what I said…of some of my own “darker” aspects…

For a long time, I wished that this world would one day all love, with no cruelty to animals or humans, ever, just all “love and light”…a part of me still wishes this, but I realized that this was probably “unrealistic”, “naïve”, and overly idealistic.

I sometimes blamed the harsher “darker” aspects of people and society, and the human race as a whole, on how I was feeling…that was why I felt sad, that was why I got wounded, that was why I felt depressed, that was why I felt anxious, that was why I felt angry…etc…

While I know, that, yes, us very sensitive ones, can and do sometimes get effected by the harsher aspects of the human race, I know, that I have the responsibility to grow in myself, to heal myself, and to do the best that I can do with the way that things are.

Part of my steps towards this, was to take a big, honest, look and feel, at the “darker” aspects of myself that were lurking in my shadow…

The amount of anger was the hardest thing for me to accept about myself...that was in the shadow…that I pushed much of it down, because:

I didn’t want to feel so angry (and I judged myself for it)

I didn’t want to express it because, from my heart, I didn’t want anyone to feel hurt by anything that I said, or did…

Because it conflicted with (part of) my self image that I was a “good, caring, kind, compassionate, person”…

Because I pushed much of the anger down, I rarely expressed it (other than sometimes, when I was a teenager, saying things like “this world is shit” “it’s such a cold/cruel world”…but when it came to people, I rarely expressed my anger, even when they had been “out of order” to me…just the occasional time when I had had enough, and exploded (not violently as in physically, rarely insults, but they did happen at times).

I often felt like a “victim” and quiet unassertive “doormat” than I am now (I’m not totally independent all the time in every way, and sometimes still feel victimised with some things, but it’s a lot less than it used to be).

Repressing and not owning up to the amount of anger and judgment, that was inside of me, for all of the reasons that I mentioned above, wasn’t very “healthy”, however, I can see, that there are times in a person’s life, when they are not strong enough, not open enough, to face these things in their shadow…so, the timing may have been “right” for me, and some of us will have different times/years, when we are more ready for the “shadow work”.

The shadow could be like a bottomless pit, and we probably will never fully face all of it, or totally heal every aspects of ourselves, in this lifetime (I could be “wrong” on this).

But, what’s important to me, that I face in the shadow, is the most personal things there, that effect my life and those of others around me…

I have a big, kind, heart, but I am not a “saint”, and no one is.

I have confronted (not all of) my fears on IS, and expressed some of my "shadow" aspects (subconsciously, or when they were coming out and processed), and have grown (somewhat) in doing so, though at times it has been difficult and painful. I sometimes thought/felt/believed/hoped, that this could help others understand and grow and heal, in whatever ways...

I used to sometimes feel some fear of a few people here, and sometimes judge them “negatively” and see them in a less colourful way, than I do now…

I want to thank those members here (who had faced and accepted more of the darker aspects of themselves, than I had done), who have been a help to me in facing and owning up to, some of the “darker” aspects in my shadow…

To me, facing my shadow (and not all of it), has been a very important and useful process, for growth, and for healing (I’m not done yet, of course!).

These things are not “who we are” (though they are a part of our human experience), and these things do not make us “negative” or “bad” people. It does not make us "not good enough". It does not make us "unlovable".

It has made me more understanding and aware of some things (in others and in myself), it has made me stronger in certain ways, it has made me wiser in some ways, it has made me more balanced in some ways, yet I am still stupid, ignorant, and foolish, sometimes…

I’m “human” like we all are.

Well, I hope that sharing this will be helpful to some in some way.

Love,

Amethyst

Your welcome.

I am happy to have participated in your process.

We all take our work very seriously and create a very intricate matrix to faciliate this "awakened awareness" of the shadow self.

I caution you though...now that you have gained a better appreciation of it, its best to name "it" or "it" will become your worse enemy!

[Sontlux]

I've noticed a sort of ceiling to the "light" (order and all that) but the "dark" was bottomless (these directions make no sense) so what I do is use the "light" to play in the "dark" An infinite playground or interesting things (for weird awesome things randomly happen is chaos)

[lillies1978]

I had a thread about this a long time ago; reposting cause I think it applies ... take it or leave it .

Shadow~Work - One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star


"One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star." ~ Friedrich W. Nietzsche


Where does the term "Shadow" come from?

Carl Jung
1958

"Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore. The Shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life. We meet our dark side, accept it for what it is, and we learn to use its powerful energies in productive ways. The Shadow knows why good people sometimes do "bad" things. Romancing the Shadow and learning to read the messages it encodes in daily life can deepen your consciousness, imagination, and soul."

from "Romancing the Shadow," by Connie Zwieg, PhD., and Steve Wolf, PhD.


Jung's Theory of The Shadow

"The Shadow describes the part of the psyche that an individual would rather not acknowledge. It contains the denied parts of the self. Since the self contains these aspects, they surface in one way or another. Bringing Shadow material into consciousness drains its dark power, and can even recover valuable resources from it. The greatest power, however, comes from having accepted your shadow parts and integrated them as components of your Self."

from John Elder

WHAT WE DO NOT DARE LOOK AT, WITHIN OURSELVES, WE TEND TO PROJECT OUT ONTO OTHERS...........

"Shadow wants to be heard, simply that. But if it isn't, it turns nasty. It becomes a veritable demon, witch, or son-of-a-bitch, demanding its pound of flesh....in very painful real time, not dreamtime.
Pay attention to your shadow. If you keep distancing yourself, saying "Heavens, it's not my fault!"---then heaven help you. Hell won't."

Katya Walter


Jung continued:

Everyone carries a Shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who has not at one time or another felt a sourness, wrath, selfishness, envy and pride, which he could not tell what to do with, or how to bear, rising up in him without his consent, casting a blackness over all his thoughts, and then as suddenly going off again, either by the cheerfulness of the sun or air, or some agreeable accident, and again at times as suddenly returning upon him? Sufficient indications are these to every man that there is a dark guest within him, concealed under the cover of flesh and blood, often lulled asleep by worldly light and amusements, yet such as will, in spite of everything, show itself... It is exceeding good and beneficial to us to discover this dark, disordered fire of our soul; because when rightly known and rightly dealt with, it can as well be made the foundation of heaven as it is of hell."

- William Law, The Grounds and Reasons of Christian Regeneration (1739)


More Quoteables

The range of what we think and do
is limited by what we fail to notice.
And because we fail to notice
that we fail to notice
there is little we can do
to change
until we notice
how failing to notice
shapes our thoughts and deeds.
--R.D. Laing


" The shadow is both the awful thing that needs redemption,
and the suffering redeemer who can provide it"

--Liz Green

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robert Green Ingalls said: "in nature there are neither rewards nor punishments--there are consequences." We aren't being singled out for punishment, we are merely experiencing the consequences of our own rigidity. If we choose security over change, we have to suffer the consequences. As Gail Sheehy summarizes succinctly: "If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security."

We can learn how to recognize our own rigidity and how to correct it. It takes honesty and courage, but the rewards are immense. First, the suffering stops. This is the surest sign that we have chosen the right path again: the unnecessary suffering stops. More importantly, new possibilities open up everywhere in our life. Where everything seemed sterile and barren, and there seemed no possible answers, now everything seems possible. The possibilities may be scary, because each offers a path that we have never taken before, but it's a good kind of fear, like the fear that a fine pianist experiences before a concert.

from "Shadow Dancing" by Robin Robertson.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Jung told me that he once met a distinguished man, a Quaker, who could not imagine that he had ever done anything wrong in his life. "And do you know what happened to his children?" Jung asked. "The son became a thief, and the daughter a prostitute. Because the father would not take on his shadow, his share in the imperfection of human nature, his children were compelled to live out the dark side which he had ignored."

(A. I. Allenby describing a conversation with C. G. Jung.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The secret is out: all of us, no exceptions, have qualities we won't let anyone see, including ourselves---our Shadow. If we face up to our dark side, our life can be energized. If not, there is the devil to pay. This is one of life's most urgent projects."

Larry Dossey, M.D., Author of "Healing Wounds"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Each psychology is a confession, and the worth of psychology for
another person lies not in the places where he can identify with it
because it satisfies his psychic needs, but where it provokes him to
work out his own psychology in response".

James Hillman

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"He (Great Spirit) governs the flowing of all waters, and the ebbing, the courses of all rivers and the replenishment of springs, the distilling of all dews and rain in every land beneath the sky. In the deep places, He gives thought to music great and terrible; and the echo of that music runs through all the veins of the world in sorrow and in joy; for if joyful is the fountain that rises in the sun, its springs are in the wells of sorrow unfathomed at the foundations of the Earth."

J.R.R. Tolkein, "The Silmarillion"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Core of Shadow Work is this: To KNOW YOURSELF FULLY, from as many angles as are required, in order that you might dare to let yourself go free. Being neither judge, jury, prosecutor, nor defender---you give no explanations, nor do you require any. You are AT HOME in your place between the sun and the moon.

~The Reconnections.

from: http://www.reconnections.net/shadow2.htm

[MYSTIKDRAGON]

lillies, what people tend to project unto others are what they've not accepted and those that they project too probably have accepted those things in themself as to why they'd take notice to it.Becuz if they've accepted that component or apart of themselves they'll be able to notice and see it within another, even if the other might not notice it.. thus why its the lesson for the one that 'projected' it unto the other.And its their choice to accept that part of themselves or leave it as it is.. but if they expect to 'improve' parts of themselves, acception of those parts they they dont realize will be a good place to dig thru and learn/ ways to accept..

Shadows have many masks.. and once one tries to remove it,if they're not ready to face it they replace it with another - its the appearance they cannot get passed. They have to realize with shadows you have to look past appearance to see what lies underneath. Thats why if they project somethin of their shadow on another why it wont change, becuz its not its appearance that needs to be changed- but what 'within' that shadow needs to be faced. Mask concludes too they dont want to remove it,becuz they dont want to see.. its like skippin an important step, if they cannot change it by facin what lies under the mask, how do they expect that part to show difference once they re-surface?