heartbreak: losing the will to live

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heartbreak: losing the will to live «  » by Searchingformyself
I haven't been on here in a while, but idk where else to turn. The person i love so much has seemingly abandoned me. silence is all i get from him. now im in such pain. im losing my strength. i dont eat hardly anymore, and i stopped sleeping, even when i take sleep meds. i cant get him out of my head. and i cant find the happiness as deep and as true as i had from him. im not pondering suicide, but i cant see a reason not to anymore. what sort of force would bring a man such happiness and then wretch it away from him so cruelly? i need strength. im failing every day in my tasks. how can i possibly continue?
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«  » by sshenry
By realizing that what you are looking for can't be found in another person - I don't care how wonderful they were - the only place you can find what you are looking for is inside your own heart.

Sound trivial and pat? Well, it's true.

Anything you saw in him that was so "wonderful" was only a reflection of yourself - of the love that you have inside of you; of the qualities you have in abundance being reflected back to you. Once you realize that you will understand that your happiness is already yours. it always has been :)
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«  » by Searchingformyself
But i feel at fault. i didnt hear from him for a week, and people started saying he was blowing me off. i panicked and poured my heart into slightly frantic messages. i think i drove him off
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«  » by sshenry
If someone can be 'driven off' like that - then there is a problem - not with you - with THEM.

Any problems he has have to do with his own perception and perspective - not with you.

You need to be comfortable enough in your own skin that it doesn't matter if you EVER hear from him again. You know that you are worth being with. If he can't see it, that is his problem.
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«  » by Searchingformyself
But he was the kind of guy who would say things like that. he taught me so much about life and how to get through it. he was different from the rest. how does that kind of guy just stop talking? how can the guy like that do something so not like him?
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«  » by Searchingformyself
my pain wouldnt be as bad if i heard his reason for leaving from him. not knowing is a deathly condition to my heart.
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«  » by climbing
I don't really have any advice but I wanted you to know you're not alone. <3
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«  » by Searchingformyself
im also becoming angry. i found myself thinking that whatever force engineered this, it will have my eternal ire. im not a violent person. whats happening to me? and thanks for your advice. kind words do somewhat allay the suffering im enduring
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«  » by climbing
Get angry. Getting angry is better than crying. I'm learning that in my own separation from my relationship (which had turned abusive in the past few months).
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«  » by Searchingformyself
i hate anger. not only do i shun its consequences, but its mere presence in me is damaging to my heart and my lifeforce. having anger is normal for most people, but its toxic for me.
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«  » by sshenry
Searchingformyself wrote:But he was the kind of guy who would say things like that. he taught me so much about life and how to get through it. he was different from the rest. how does that kind of guy just stop talking? how can the guy like that do something so not like him?


like I said hon - it is HIM who has a problem.

What exactly that problem is is what is bugging you I think.

If it IS something to do with the way that he views you - then it is STILL his problem (and in spite of how marvelous he was, no one is perfect). Of course it could be something that has nothing at all to do with you.

It could be something as simple as his computer breaking down or it could be something more serious, like a family member getting sick and not having the time for other people right now.

It's hard to guess untill you hear from him one way or another. And if you DON'T hear from him, just accept that it was time for it to end and that the universe is making room in your life for something new, possibly something better.
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«  » by Searchingformyself
youre probably right. i can only hope for the sun to rise on a new day, as i search for the horizon in this cold night.
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«  » by sshenry
That's the good thing about the sun - it always rises. Even if you can't see it, you know its there :)
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«  » by Searchingformyself
he was my first true love if that sheds any light on my unusually intense pain and drama.
im an emotionally intense person to begin with. anything i experience, i feel ten fold what would be normal to others
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«  » by Grounded Gifts
Searchingformyself, you will get through this. You deserve better. He was the wrong person for you, by the sounds of it. New and better things await you, I am sure of it.
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«  » by Searchingformyself
every relationship ive been in has turned out to be one way. either i loved him but he didnt love me or he loved me and i didnt love him. this man was the closest ive gotten to a two way love.
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«  » by Searchingformyself
even though there is always hope, i dont know if im ever going to find a good relationship
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«  » by Grounded Gifts
Searchingformyself wrote:even though there is always hope, i dont know if im ever going to find a good relationship


Poppycock! The right person will come along at the right time. For now, you need to love yourself and heal yourself. Allow emotions to come up to the surface so you can rid yourself of the negative self-sabotage. It's only natural to be upset. You feel you weren't valued. Well, I don't know you, but I value you. And I feel, deep down, you value yourself very much. You know you're a real catch, and so, don't give yourself away to just anyone. Take your time and choose :)
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«  » by Searchingformyself
I know im unique, but as for the value of that, im not sure. ive always lived my life for others. my fears of egotism and overconfidence have always put me away from seeing much value in myself.
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«  » by Odin
It's okay to loose the will to live, but don't kill yourself, you aren't yourself and this is a repurcussion of perhaps false ideas of love, maybe you love so much that you feel unwhole again when he is gone, when love is dependant on love, then it is broken. Maybe you haven't lost him, maybe he's waiting for you to shine again with your inner true self. The abyss inside you will take it in, the love must give out.
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