R U In The Wrong Family?

[TheRavenMother]

Does anyone here feel as though they were born into the wrong family?

Sorry if this is long but it’s important to get a message across so you understand what I mean, that you read it all xxxx

The reason of this thread was because I had a spiritual message.

What I mean is… not just being born into a family that doesn’t suit you etc – but a family that knows another family pretty well and you knew them well too – and saw that you should have belonged to them? What I mean is… their families’ personality, ways, habits; etc suited you to a T – even if they were another class or in a different lifestyle from your family, sometimes radically different?

I made this post because when I was born, mum made friends with a woman who is my godmother. This woman has 3 children of her own and her whole personality with her kids is great, the kid’s personalities suited me too, their lifestyles etc suit me – they are what I think a family should be. However, this family has a huge difference to my families’ ethics, and even a huge different to their class and status.
But, since I was a kid I knew I should stay with them no matter what. When my mum had to go home, I would kick and scream and often fret so much and even call my godmother, mummy, that my mum started to get jealous and avoided contact with her for a while. But before she broke the contact my godmother had me living with her more than me living at home with my real folks. Because they lived in the same street and I would always sneak off out of the house to spend time with her.

Now, the difference between my family and the family I would like is.

My (blood) family are very uptight, boring, perfectionist people who are upper middle class and like to keep up with the Jone’s – they are very aggressive in their personality within the family and hates emotional tennis, or giving support. In this family, when you have a problem or you are ill, you are totally and completely alone.
You are not allowed to cry because it shows weakness and weakness is terrible. They are also deeply religious and Victorian in their ways.
My mum is image obsessed and has a nasty streak in her regarding fat people and anyone with a disability which disfigures them.
My dad is an avid gambler who isolates him self in the spare bedroom to gamble online and he does horse betting a lot too.
My family are also emotionally very touchy. Easily upset by the slightest thing, spontaneous and irrational in their behaviour with things.
They find it very easy to disown anyone. They spend their money frivolously in order to keep up with the neighbours or get the latest of anything, because it portrays a bad image to outsiders otherwise (whether it matters to other people or not) They are a family whose whole life is around money, money, money and cannot understand anyone without an ambition to buy a house or a career ambition.
They almost never go out in the evenings, and about once a week mum will visit 1 relative, which is always the same relative, over and over.
When I was little they would move me from 1 school to the other, never being in 1 place for more than 3 months because mum would insist I go live with other relatives for 2 week to 3 months at a time. She would also home educate me, and we had issues with social services because of emotional and suspected physical abuse from her, which was also heightening their suspicions with my regular disappearance to various relatives from Kent to Dundee, UK.
I wasn’t exactly spoiled much – not many toys, and hardly any emotional interactions. But I was spoiled with books only.

The family which I feel I should have belonged to are completely different as in.
They wear only what is convenient and comfortable at the time, they maintain their hair and wear jewellery to look relatively nice, but never actually polished like my real family.
They have a close bonding which extends to 11 people living in their house at once, all together, along with up to 30 pets and they are somewhat self sufficient.
They are in a very low income, but a bigger house than my real family.
They are rowdy and rough but very generous and kindly and helpful to anyone, whether they know them well or not.
They are quite literally the type of people who live at the bottom of your street who you don’t know from Adam, who would walk past you whilst they are walking their 7 dogs and see you are building a new wall in your front garden and will offer to help you, by driving you to the DIY store and helping you to build it, for nothing other than the fact they love to keep active and help people.
If anyone has a pet they are getting rid of, you can give it to them and they will take it in and the animal has a home for life – they always find a way to feed the animals despite their low incomes and the animals are always spoiled and it’s not a cramped place either.
They are very social and go to car boot sales, markets, and shops 3 or 4 times a week and visit someone every day just to get out of the house.
Whatever 1 relative does they all do it together – no matter what it is, they need each others company all the while, but they are not in each others faces dominating anyone’s life. You can do whatever you want, be whatever you want and all they will do is praise you and encourage you, but the only complaint they will give out is lack of time you spend with the family.
They are very loving people, a rough batch, and when people look at them firsthand they think oh my god what a bunch of roughens but they would be wrong! They are really nice.
They take in anyone into their home if the person needs it. As long as you don’t mind bunking in with a kid or another adult or on the sofa with the 7 dogs! Which are mostly Alsatians, collies and Springer spaniels (big dogs!)
2 of the 5 children in the family currently have ADHD but the chaos in the house that’s there anyways no one notices it… its organised chaos and non violent chaos. They are very spiritual people too and open minded to all things.

Now since I was a baby I had this notion that I was Georgina’s daughter but given away in adoption to my (blood family) I was convinced by it, especially when the girl who is my age looks like a stick version of me!
I always wanted to be with them etc – and I still do. I feel I belong with them, but my real mother gets really jealous coz I always wanted to spend time with them. So for 3yrs I’ve not bothered to visit them just to keep peace with my real folks.

Now my mum got rid of my puppy tonight as I have mentioned before in other posts. The puppy is now living with the family I always wanted to be with. I sat back crying because I miss the puppy and I miss the company of that family and mum is such a nasty, vindictive aggressive cow that I had to break from visiting them. I feel I must visit them again, because the family is great and now they have my puppy. So I want to visit them a lot.
But during the time I was thinking about the past of when I used to stay over night and be with the family more than be here – I felt, Why didn’t my mother just dump me with them? Why not? She was willing to adopt me, and wanted what was best for me (Georgina) but my mum wouldn’t allow it, despite me begging her.
I thought… I think my soul was born into the wrong family – I should have been with Georgina Vincetti, not the ones I am with now. I actually had a spiritual message about it.
The voice of my spiritual father said… Yes, you would have been born to this family – we would have done it because you chose them, but we couldn’t let you go to them because of their monetary situation which would have affected you giving knowledge to the world. When I Asked him what he meant… he said that this family could never of afforded things like the internet and all the books you bought, whereas the family who knew the Vincetti’s could have given me that for my mission on earth. He explained that the meeting of the Vincetti’s when I was a baby with my mother, was no accident that it was a deliberate union, because I needed them in my life.

The whole family that I want to live with have all the qualities of indigo/starseeds with their personalities, freedom, individuality encouragments and they are so into nature and have no interest in money.

Whereas the family I am born into are religious sheep who follows what the bible says as much as possible and can get preachy. They are very conservative, and conform to any authoritic figure and puts the fear of god into you if you do not conform to all authorities etc. They are scared to put a foot out of line with anyone, even if they believe they are wrong (thats if they belong in authorities) anyone from your doctor when you need a 2nd opinion they wont aim for it - to the benefit office or telling anyone with a title anything - a family of ass kissers.

So, do you feel that you were meant to be in another family… a family that just lingers in your life and never vanishes for too long? But your family tries to reject?

[lillies1978]

sounds like your godmotherrs family is raised through/by heart & love energy, your own family, not so much, they seem to care more about the outside, whilr the inside gets "sick"! BUt i truly believe, like your spiritual father said, that there is reason/purpose to this "mix up", things you needed to experience to become who you are now....and looking from there, i guess you could almost say this was worthwhile alll the "drama"&negativity!

My family was kinda similar and i was very hateful towards them, now that they have passed and i gained some distance, my feelings are warming up towards them(cause they are not constantly messing with me )....i don't know, have compassion towards them, sounds like they really needed! you are stronger than all of them together!

love
Sue

[TheRavenMother]

Thanks Sue xxx

[BethanY.]

BUt i truly believe, like your spiritual father said, that there is reason/purpose to this "mix up", things you needed to experience to become who you are now....and looking from there, i guess you could almost say this was worthwhile alll the "drama"&negativity!

exactly. i've 'thought about' how i'm not in the proper family for me....but of course i am! it's exactly the way it's supposed to be and with good reason, even if we don't always know (or sometimes have to remind ourselves) of why.

[TheRavenMother]

No, mum didnt allow me contact she kept in contact with them because my mother is a user. She knows the family is kindly and so I maintained contact due to the fact mum wanted them to do odd jobs for her. She only contacted them when she wants something and now my mum is complaining for the last 5yrs that no one bothers to phone or visit her anymore, that she has to make the effort.
Plus, the only time mum ever felt I wanted to be with them was my tantrums on the way home. I could never talk to my mum about anything, so she never heard comparisons. Children should be seen and not heard type.

[TheRavenMother]

I would also like to add... so people understand the situation... that since I was little mum has always told me she never wanted me. She had me only because she was a widow with 6 kids before she married my father. My father got broody for a child of his own and I was born only for him.
However, my dad is pretty selfish too - he never bothered with helping to raise me as much as he apparantly promised her he would. Semi-stay-at-home dad. A house husband as mum had the better career.
there was a 10yr age gap between me and the 6th born child. Mum started to get a career in order etc, and she constantly blames me, in fact she blamed me again today - that it was my birth that prevented her going far in her career. Because of family situations that I apparantly caused.

she also had a nervous breakdown due to some things that happened since my birth till I was 7 - shes always blamed me for being a witch and jonas that made those things happen in her life as she associates it all with my birth.
She also sent me away a lot to live with other relatives, and when I lived at home she would abuse me terribly, enough to get the concerns of social services to actually take me away from her for a while.
So, its the fact she never wanted me. Not the fact that she is jealous of the people who I prefer. Coz she always sent me away to live with people, and sometimes even the godmother and her kids.

[TheRavenMother]

Because I am stupid and codependant... one of the kinds of people that would accept abuse of anyone as long as I live with a few other people. It's always been me. Thats my problem.
I had an ex that was a woman basher, and I tolerated him and lived with his mother and sister, because I couldnt stand the thought of leaving the people in the house and finding my self living alone. When he dumped me I panicked big time and ran back to my parents just to have someone live with me. whether its hell or not. Thats just me.
It's so stupid!

[AngeliqueBlood]

oh my goddess...that is me and my best friends family...*cries in the corner*

[defuzz]

please dont bring yourself down with stupid remarks to yourself, i did this all the time(sometimes still) when i was stuck in non productive ways, or apparently so, imo the bigger picture will let you know that whatever lame situations you have been fighting in has built to you, has let you know about human nature and what isnt nescessarily you.
to me you are strong and wise for seeing all this, and thats what being in a seemingly erronious family did to me, there were no limits to how wrong they were especially in the ligth of more idealisticly humane people also around. It takes time to build a real integruos person and it doesnt have to look nice in the making, thank god for the inspirational ones.

[green]

Sometimes I feel like I was born to the wrong dad. My mom is OK, I just don't ever find peace with my dad. He's a materialistic bigot, always has to have the last word, definitely a seen and not heard type. He refuses to listen, or give credence to an opposing side of an issue. He seems to only want to be rich, have a legacy, wield power.
On the other hand, my mom is the most giving of souls. She's very connected to her garden, loves by giving opportunity. She's a kind woman. I think she wants to reach out to my dad, try and make an impact in his life, but I don't think she sees the harm he's done to us kids (I'm the youngest of three. Sometimes I feel like I'm emotionally treated like the .5 in the 2.5 kids cliche).
But I definitely relate to you about books. The most I can be thankful for was being taught how to read. My parents may not have given me much attention or helped me with any of my problems, but they did let me buy any book I wanted. They did let me do summer programs for the arts (another thing I relate with--I was probably born to them for the opportunity that money can provide).

Sometimes I think we are forced to live with our opposites, or merely encounter them from time to time, in order that we get to know ourselves better. We can recognize the things we don't want to be or do or say when we get older, because of the emotional hardship we remember tied to those things. You see the people you admire and love and you want to be more like them. You find yourself acting more like them, thinking "What would they do in a situation like this?" It's paradoxical that living in a "toxic" environment should make one stronger, but part of the meaning of paradox is the truth wrapped up in the confusion.

[green]

That fits her.

[*~i GlOw 0F iNdIgO~*]

If you don't like it, move out. And if youre co-dependent like you say you are, i guess you'll just have to deal.

I'm 17, and I'll be 18 in 5 months.. as soon as I can I'm going to college and I'm getting the hell out of my house!! I'll still occasionally visit, but i can't take it much longer. I'm not one to post to about my personal/home life very often... but lets just say, its not the best. Good thing im very independent.. i always had to be <333

I hope you gain strength to move out.

[TheRavenMother]

like I said before

Because I am stupid and codependant... one of the kinds of people that would accept abuse of anyone as long as I live with a few other people. It's always been me.

For me, as a person like this... it is not easy for me to say... right, I am moving out unless I have someone to move in with. that's just me.

[Righteous_Morality]

Yeah, it sounds pretty complicated. I wouldn't tolerate that crap. You should really get out on your own. Simply because it seems as if your mom still feels like she can control you, or make you feel bad. And seemingly she does do that.

There's too many egos in my house. I hate being told what to do, I was going to move out last year and get a house with my buddy. Then he got thrown in jail....

My other buddy has offered me a place as a room mate as well. I was planning on working out in the oil fields with him over the summer. I can't wait to get the hell out of the house!

You shouldn't beat yourself up, either. It will only make it worse. It isn't your fault, circumstances in your life have made you the way you are. It's up to you to control it, now.

Best of luck.

[Rachel]

definatlt.i thank god that my 2 kids won't feel that why.i know they choose me.

[Rachel]

shall i kidnapp you then?lol

[TheRavenMother]

I agree... a better job... (no car)... and as for savings I have tried but my mum always accidentally on purpose opens bank statements and if she finds a spare £90 or more in my account she demands I either spend it on her, or that I need more clothes because I am too fat and look shit and I embarrass her, I am so outdated etc.

[Patryc]

good call Lavella,

take control Tina, you owe it to you.

[Silverhaze]

I don't think I was born to the wrong family... I just wonder about how my family fit together... It was/is dysfunctional to the extreme. My father ended up committing suicide and now my 16 year old brother dropped out of high school to live with his drop out girlfriend and my widowed mother works part time at a bar and is controlled by her unemployed boyfriend... and where am I at? a full ride to the U of I in the honors college...
I had some true horrors to work out and because of all the mental and emotional abuse in my family I can't really function in any type of relationship without screwing it up somehow...
I've come a long way but I never really understood the concept of family until about 3 years ago... we moved here to the middle of nowhere... well amazingly enough my brother and I found a real family... there was 6 of us and we're still a family no matter what
soulmates... all of us had bad 'blood' family situations so we made our own
I feel them always. They are my strength and we love each other very much.
That's where I'm at... a family doesn't have to be a mother and a father and children...
we are a family of two 16 year olds two 17 year olds an 18 year old and a 19 year old
we have each other no matter what and we can be ourselves together
always and forever
that's a family

[aislinn]

Yeah, I am in the wrong family. Knew that since I was little. They don't accept me as a person, but as a little baby, their material child. They were very dissapointed because I was never acting like a normal child; I had my wishes, dreams and thoughts and they couldn't change me.
My parents are always talking around how they're proud of me because I'm such a good student, read a lot, computer freak, never go out, never wear makeup bla bla bla..., but it's all sh*t. They don't approve and accept my "paranormal" abilities. They are scared of it because they don't understand it, and that's because they're slaves of their logical mind.
I always used to say "they're stupid", but now I say "they aren't enlightend". My parents like only material, and I find that pretty irritating. Of course they'll never admit it, my mother always says she's very spiritual...yeah.
They are pretty conservative too, so I cannot explain my vision of love, without all that materialistic-romantic rubbish.
They want to travel, eat expensive food and earn much (especially my mum- dad is a bit better), and all that I want is to hold hands of the people I love and to do a group astral travelling with them.
No money, no wars, working for others, sharing love...that's my dream.
They say I'm young and stupid. Who knows?