Im not sure whats happening to me. Ive always looked at this whole indigo thing objectivly with the eyes of an interested observer, documenting something that intrigued me but never really adopted the whole concept for myself. But for the past while, you could say that its been over the space of the past two years, getting more intense at times, then relaxing for a certain period before it would get even more intense then ever. My emotional state could be what you would call a mess. Last night I broke down in tears because it was so overwhelmingly painful. But i felt lighter afterwords. It was the first time in a long long time that I actually cried, probably due to the social programming thats always told me it was weak to display emotion. But so many things seem to be going wrong in my life. My mother is an absolute fucking bitch, excuse my french. She no longer gives a shit for me, I actually think she hates me, because thats how she acts. My dad is much the same, in fact, there are few that are actually in my life at the moment. Because to be honest, it seems like people are going crazy, and I can only seem to tolerate that company of people that I feel have a good heart. That pretty much excludes my entire family.
Is anyone else going through something similar? Have I created all of this? The lighter i seem to get the more these other people seem to abuse me. Every once in a while I become strong again, back to my old self, and these people respect me for being an asshole. But I cant stay like that for long, I have to become lighter, Whats going on!