what would you do

[Lion Lady]

I just want to see what you guys would do. I have a few things in my mind on how to go about this. But without a man's perspective. Just my own.

So there is this guy. We have been best friends since we were 9. 12 years. He has wanted to be with me the whole time. We dated three times. When we were 13 for a month 15 for a couple weeks.. and 16 for a couple weeks. He broke it off every time because he didn't feel like he was treating me right.

When we were 15 he kissed two girls and he and I have never made out.. still haven't. I haven't done anything with him. He told me right after both times. And I replied to him saying "what do you want me to do about this, its whatever." Then he broke up with me saying he needs to treat me better.

When we were 16 he cheated on me having sex with a few different girls.. told me right after each one. And as always I said "what do you want me to do, its fine." And he was like "why don't you cheat on me for revenge, why aren't you mad at me.?" And I said "because your my best friend, and I respect how honest you are with me, I can't hate you." He broke up with me saying he needed to treat me better.

We didn't get back together since. He has been going girl to girl and updating me on how he is becoming a better boyfriend. Practicing not cheating on the girls and such. Every relationship I have been in though since then, he seems crushed about it.

Now I'm about to get married, and the whole relationship with the guy I have right now .. during this whole relationship. My best friend keeps asking if I'm still with the guy, then getting really drunk after I say ya I'm with the guy.. and then he calls me up drunk saying that he has loved me for so long and wanted to marry me, and that he is happy for me that I found someone. His sober conversations with me are like this...

Him: hey, are you still with Christian
Me: ya
Him: that's great, I am so happy for you (you can hear in his voice that he is sad and trying to be sincere)
Me: ya thanks
Him: are you guys still getting married?
Me: ya
Him: really
Me: ya
Him: oh that's great I'm so happy for you (same tone) ...... I love you so much.
Me: I love you, your my best friend
Him: your my best friend. I really love you, always have
Me: (sighing on the inside) so what are you doing (change of subject)

Ugh haha like I feel bad, he is a great guy, really sweet but I really don't like him that way. He is like a brother to me. I know if he stopped drinking his life away and stopped thinking about how we could have been he would get a great girl. He started drinking a lot when I started dating Christian. Siiiiggghhhhh

[Lion Lady]

So my question is what would you do in this situation

[Haroeris]

If he was a real man and really wanted you he'd stop drinking, get a decent job, stop wasting his time with other gurls and come and claim you. But he's a narcissist who just loves your attention and loading you with his insecurities and childish behavior. Some people search all their lives for a shoulder to cry on....because they just love to cry and get other's attention.....i think he's just using you

[Lion Lady]

The thing is he doesn't know I know how he feels. He expresses it openly when he is drunk. Then forgets. Hah

[Haroeris]

Don't waste you time with losers...if he wanted to change he would have done it by now, he just likes having you around and i'm sure he does the same with other women as well...hm, i'm curious...do you feel kinda "drained", tired or not in a good mood for no apparent reason after seeing him or even talking to him on the phone ?

[Lelitu]

tbh, a quick heartbreaking will be good for him

probably lose his friendship too. but at least it will give him the option to heal and move on.

[Lion Lady]

Na not really. I just sometimes feel like he needs more confidence. He doesn't do it with other girls. He ruins his relationships talking about me and if I hang out with him when he is with a girlfriend they can tell how much he likes me and they say something about it, get mad at me sometimes even though i didnt do anything. And they end up breaking up.

He and I only talk once a month. If that. Sometimes twice in a month. He just doesn't want to butt into my life like that. I don't want him to either haha. I don't even want to invite him to the wedding and the possibility of him breaking down and yelling "I object!" Ha.! Im not wasting time with him considering I know I don't want to be with him. But he is a great friend. He was never this dramatic I guess I could say.. until this relationship i have. Which I would never leave for anything. I just want to find a way for my best friend to be over me and know there are great girls out there.

He only finds party girls going to parties and isn't satisfied with how they are. Then gets dumped by them when they meet me.

[Lion Lady]

tbh, a quick heartbreaking will be good for him

probably lose his friendship too. but at least it will give him the option to heal and move on.

Ya that's part of what I have been planning on. Ha ugh.

[Noir]

Hi! Well, as i started reading the post i thought you were nowadays toghether... Because obviously he was/is allways in love with you and waited for you, to be toghether when he was ready and mature enough for a relationship.
He idealizes you and i guess thaths also a part of the problem.
As long as he keeps seeing you in that way he wont have a clear mind or the necesary motivation to find somebody he likes and start "his own life/relationship" with real people...
(well it also sounds as if he has a bit of an obssesion with you, so be carefull)

So, in your situation i would either speak with him openly and brake up the relationship or do it without really telling him.
I think taking distance from him for a long time till he starts making his own life, new friends and maybe first when he is in a serious relationship you could start having contact with him SLOWY again.
You wrote about ten times he s your best friend and everybody can understand it is difficult for you.
But i think distance is the better you could do for the guy.
Well, that is what i would do in your situation (actually did it once and turned out to be the best for my friend).

So give it a thought, hear all the opinions of the others and i hope you find the best possibility.
Lots of love.

[silvercharm]

he loves you so much, but he doesn't know how to treat the one he loves.
when you dated him, he cheated on you to make you jealous and get your attention.

some people define that if you love someone, you should get jealous when (s)he's whoring around and hitting on another person. but some people with high EQ knows that to love is to let go, so they won't get jealous when someone they love is with another person.

i guess he wanted you to get jealous when he cheated on you and he wanted you to tell that you don't like his attitudes and you want him to change.

well, sometimes what you want is different with what you need.
my question is, do you really love Christian?
how do you feel to your best friend exactly?


PS : This is my #1,991 post!!

[Rockwood]

It's an interesting story. But she didn't provide a question. I guess, she already knows the answer. What is the purpose of her post then? At least the guy hasn't shot her (if there is any guy). And that is a good start (end - whatever).

[Lion Lady]

he loves you so much, but he doesn't know how to treat the one he loves.
when you dated him, he cheated on you to make you jealous and get your attention.

some people define that if you love someone, you should get jealous when (s)he's whoring around and hitting on another person. but some people with high EQ knows that to love is to let go, so they won't get jealous when someone they love is with another person.

i guess he wanted you to get jealous when he cheated on you and he wanted you to tell that you don't like his attitudes and you want him to change.

well, sometimes what you want is different with what you need.
my question is, do you really love Christian?
how do you feel to your best friend exactly?


PS : This is my #1,991 post!!

Yes I love Christian hahah he is my tf. And my best friend. Is like my brother to me, I wouldn't be with him again I don't like him like that. Christian is the love of my life and I would never leave him. We have been together many lifetimes and remember them. He is me and I am him. It's hard to explain but we are "twin flames" and meant to be together.

[Lion Lady]

It's an interesting story. But she didn't provide a question. I guess, she already knows the answer. What is the purpose of her post then? At least the guy hasn't shot her (if there is any guy). And that is a good start (end - whatever).

The question is in the title..... And in the very first post. And yes I'm really going through this.... *raises eyebrow at you* hahah. !

[Rockwood]

The question is in the title..... And in the very first post. And yes I'm really going through this.... *raises eyebrow at you* hahah. !

But due to some reason I think that you are a lier. I wonder what does your tf raise when you *raises eyebrow at him* hahah. Or you never do that to him but only to somebody else? What would you do is not a question.

[Lion Lady]

But due to some reason I think that you are a lier. I wonder what does your tf raise when you *raises eyebrow at him* hahah. Or you never do that to him but only to somebody else? What would you do is not a question.

Which mod reads "personal advice" column... Rabana? Sshenry? Indigo dog? Abigail? Whichever one of you.. for some reason, this odd little hunch here.. I feel like I'm being harassed..

[Lion Lady]

Hahah. Indeed. People these days. Gotta love them lol

[Rockwood]

I feel like I'm being harassed..

I feel like I am being harassed. Why would anyone want to *raises eyebrow at you* hahah. !

[Lion Lady]

Hahah cuz of weird comments. =)


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[Rockwood]

Hahah cuz of weird comments. =)

OK. So what do you want to know? The way I see it, your ex-boyfriend is a looser and an asshole. So what? You have another, better, one. Right? You can always keep him around as a pet, if you wish.

[D a n e]

Is he a full-blooded shapeshifting reptilian? You have to watch out for them Reptilian brahs. LOL jk I don't know much about relationships. I will shut up.