Smoking Pot & OCD tendencies - can you relate?

[BSchmidt]

So last december I got high one night by myself and had one of the worst anxiety attacks i've ever suffered. It came seemingly out of nowhere and the effects from that night lingered for months afterwards, and are still somewhat present even today (in much more manageable doses however). I'm 19 and moved out last august. I grew up without a father or any male influence in my life and became extremely insecure about my sense of masculinity. I guess moving out and being on my own and trying to become a man hit me really hard when I've never had one to look up to. My mind was racing thinking about the effects of being raised by just a woman, and how it has made me much more sensitive and emotional than most guys my age. I started thinking, am I more feminine than I am masculine? I even went as far as questioning my sexuality (something i've never done before) because of how paranoid I was. For months I continued to torture myself with questions and had fairly bad anxiety in social situations.
Looking back from a clearer less anxiety driven mindset I feel like it was just some subconscious fear of being inadequate as a man, or in some way lacking and was brought to the forefront and overblown because of me being high. I also feel now like that whole experience made me understand the importance of facing your fears head on.

Have any other indigos experienced problems with smoking pot? Or does it sit well with you? Also curious if any indigos have an issues with OCD and recurring intrusive thought patterns? I feel like smoking pot just totally sends me off in really weird directions in my thinking. I get stuck thinking about things that are normally of little importance to me and can cause me a fair bit of anxiety. Interested in hearing your thoughts and perspectives

[rabana]

paranoia. most people just quit when that starts happening. i did. it proves that pot isn't physically addictive.

[Grounded Gifts]

Re. masculinity. I'm sure your mother has done a very good job in raising you. Most females look for a partner who is sensitive, caring, strong and confident. I imagine you are all of these things

It is up to you to define your masculinity. Even if you had had a father in your home -- that doesn't necessarily mean he would have been a good man who raised you with a strong sense of self-esteem.

Many of us find ourselves as adults who need to define ourselves and to build our own self-esteem.

Re. pot. Pot causes us to think tangentially -- to go off in every direction... Remember to ground yourself, to be centred and to keep your focus. There are threads here on IS that talk about grounding. Bring yourself back to who you really are. The insights you gain from "travelling" on pot can be used to enhance your sense of self and your sense of how to go forward in your life.
Just MHO If pot does not agree with you, don't smoke!

[BSchmidt]

Re. masculinity. I'm sure your mother has done a very good job in raising you. Most females look for a partner who is sensitive, caring, strong and confident. I imagine you are all of these things

It is up to you to define your masculinity. Even if you had had a father in your home -- that doesn't necessarily mean he would have been a good man who raised you with a strong sense of self-esteem.


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Many of us find ourselves as adults who need to define ourselves and to build our own self-esteem.

Re. pot. Pot causes us to think tangentially -- to go off in every direction... Remember to ground yourself, to be centred and to keep your focus. There are threads here on IS that talk about grounding. Bring yourself back to who you really are. The insights you gain from "travelling" on pot can be used to enhance your sense of self and your sense of how to go forward in your life.
Just MHO If pot does not agree with you, don't smoke!

Yeah! Good way to put it, Grounded. Definitely go off on wild tangents sometimes lol. I guess as long as you can return after those travels it can be pretty useful. Interesting, I've never thought of it like that. I appreciate your insight. And yes my mother did do a very good job! Pretty remarkable what she did with the lack of any form of help.

[Museatlantis]

Is your diet very unhealthy?

[Hamoth]

Just my opinion bud, but WAY too young. Let your mind form, that's my advice. That stuff seems pretty mild in my experience on everything - except for young minds. It locks them down, stops growth...I've seen it a lot. It's an old-people's drug...good for aches and pains and opening doors and learning guitar. Not so good for young minds and bodies. it's like playing jenga while shaking the table every time. It affects your set structure...

[BSchmidt]

Is your diet very unhealthy?

My diet is generally pretty healthy. I eat alot of fruit and vegetables, drink plenty of water, cut caffeine completely from my diet and cut back drastically on soda. I try to eat organic as much as possible (money permitting). I'm still in the process of getting it even better though!

& Hamoth, I think you're right. I'm pretty motivated to put it down for a while and just clear my head. Stopped drinking and everything too. Just want to clean out my system, I'll try it again when I've stopped growing!

[Hamoth]

PS BSchmidt,

When I was young, my reactions to that stuff were off the charts. I was mega mega sensitive to da kine. I enjoy it occasionally now because it also stops psychic things from happening with me. I'm grateful every day that I abstained until my 30's. Once I get a better idea what I'm dealing with, I'll avoid the pot as well and let my nature resume (if it does).

So you see, you mess with some serious life potential if you connect the dots above...

[Museatlantis]

Well its good that your diet is good, bad diets make problems alot worse. Vitamin b is the only thing Im going to suggest it helps strengthen the mind alot especially against panic attacks

[BSchmidt]

Thanks Museatlantis! What has vitamin B in it naturally? I'd prefer to take it naturally rather than supplements.

Hamoth, what do you mean, "stop pyschic things from happening to you?"

[Hamoth]

I have some issues in my nature...This helps me with them. It did the opposite when I was young. I had to train to learn to receive it properly and to guide it to produce the desired effect. I can use it to anchor myself better. That's all I should share.

[BSchmidt]

Who doesn't have some issues in their nature! No problem and I appreciate the advice.

[overflow88]

I smoked weed off and on through out my late teens and early 20's without experiencing any real problems with it (other than over indulgence lol). However, over the last year or so, I have indeed experienced some intense anxiety, shortness of breath, etc, after getting high. So I can relate, not necessarily to issues with masculinity, but other worries that sometimes plague my mind become intensified to an outrageous level. Has the pot changed or have I?

I've dealt with varying levels of anxiety for the last decade or so, and marijuana used to actually help alleviate these feelings, but as of late it has been doing the opposite. So I started taking some herbs, certain meditatons, practicing chi gung, breath work, etc. This has helped tremendously with the anxiety, and I'm now at the point where I can enjoy a few tokes on occasion without freaking out.

In my opinion, the weed wasn't causing the anxiety, just bringing it to the surface, so in a way it was useful.

EDIT - thought I'd add this tidbit - The pot related anxiety may have started after I began developing my sensitivities to 'subtle energies'. As a child I was more sensitive to these things, but over the years I built up defenses to block it all out, but I've recently been working on opening myself back up. Pot has always amplified my senses, sensitivities, etc. So maybe my own natural evolution + the effects of pot = hypersensitivity. For example, if I get stoned now, I can't watch TV without getting creeped out and feeling anxious. I think this may answer my earlier question 'has the pot changed or have I' ...

[breshine]

When I moved out (A year and a half ago), I had the biggest anxiety attacks. Multiple. I went through a couple massive depressive stages as well. I think it is normal to suffer from anxiety, and such when you first start living on your own. You're free! You don't quite know who you are yet! It's a hurdle everyone has to go through when they move out, and for some it's a bigger hurdle than others.

As for the mary-wanna... Paranoia and stress can happen a lot. I'm 19, I smoked weed a lot, and live right near a hospital, so I hear sirens all the time. I've had to stop smoking so much because when you're high, yeah, your mind starts to race!! It's got creative qualities, but when you hit that level of paranoia/anxiety.. it doesn't go away easily.

Some people say smoking weed at a young age is bad for your growth, but I've seen many different cases who have been smoking for a long time who are very rich in growth.
Though it does make me wonder if I should go on a break and see how long I can stop smoking weed for... it's been a while. (1-2 bowls a day... used to be 6+)

[BSchmidt]

Yeah I know what you mean Overflow. I think that the issue is there then the wild tangents that smoking pot can cause sends you spiraling off. So kind of brings it to your attention to deal with it! Sometimes those spirals in thought can be extremely positive when you are thinking about good things too. Since having my anxiety attack it made me stop drinking, start meditating and get way more in touch with my spirituality. So in a way it was a good thing and definitely has helped make me a lot stronger.

Thanks for sharing

Breshine, thanks for the post! I guess I never thought that it is a natural part of moving out. I live pretty out of the way from almost everyone I know, my mom is living in south america and I never see my dad. Can get tough! I'm glad to be out though and figuring things out now rather than waiting around, gotta get out at some point

Taking a break can be good, just cause you kind of don't remember what being sober minded is like if you are smoking every day or near that. Takes a good while to start feeling "normal" again. I've smoked only once in the past two weeks and I'm feeling alot more clear headed! I think smoking pot and enjoying it is really dependent on the person. As a chronic overthinker it can be pretty overwhelming toking up sometimes lol. My brain goes into overdrive! If you are a person who doesn't think about things too deeply normally, getting high could be very stimulating and enjoyable.

[Museatlantis]

Well theres energy drinks they have vitamin b in them but they arent exactly healthy because they have high caffeine content. Some health sports drinks have vitamin b in them from my experience they make me feel alot aware. I use multivitamins they really have helped me alot.

[Leaflet]

I seriously can't smoke. People never believe me, but I can't. I get anxious, short of breath, and nauseated. People always look at me puzzled and say, "Oh, you must have a low tolerance." I get the symptoms I just listed after 1 hit, so I don't really know how much less I could smoke. The very last time I tried, the room started spinning and I barfed everywhere. So not cool. I'm a HIGHLY sensitive person, though. I'm one of those people who have the adverse reactions that occur "rarely" when people take certain medications. So, if it doesn't work for you, don't smoke. Potheads always list all kinds of marijuana amazing-ness, but if it's not amazing for you, then who cares?

As to the masculinity thing, it's American culture that defines men as being less "sensitive and emotional" than women. I've never really understood why being sensitive is considered feminine because according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary the first definition is, "capable of being stimulated or excited by external agents." Generally this would mean that you are more perceptive than your average person. However in American society there is an undertone to being sensitive that gives it the connotation that sensitivity is always in regard to emotions, and emotions in American society are supposed to be feminine. There is actually a great book that discusses this further called, "The Highly Sensitive Person," by Elaine Aron.

Also, it doesn't really matter whether these traits are masculine or feminine. They are endearing traits for a person to have. These are traits that make a male or female kind and empathetic towards others, and they should be encouraged in both genders. They are also traits that YOU have identified in yourself. Embrace who you are. Instead of wasting time trying to change who you are, spend time finding a place where your best traits are loved and appreciated. Seek out a place like where you are comfortable and appreciated instead of trying to change to fit wherever you are. Good luck!

[overflow88]

Interesting. Not to get too far off topic, but I was also thinking about this 'sensitivity' issue yesterday. How being 'sensitive' is considered a feminine trait in our culture. There seems to be an agenda in place to 'de-sensitize' people, make them less capable of feeling, less aware of themselves and their environment. People tend to have a vague understanding of what it means to be 'sensitive', as if it simply means 'overly emotional'. I don't look at sensitivity as simply a measure of emotional response though. It also applies to the physical, feeling "chi energy" for example. Most people have no idea about this because they have been conditioned to focus on the obvious and ignore the subtle. Mental sensitivity would increase abilities like telepathy, profound dreams and visions, etc. Cannabis, at least for me, tends to increase certain sensitivities, which may be part of the reason it is still illegal.

[BSchmidt]

Thanks alot for your post Leaflet, I really appreciate it! I agree that pot smokers are often over the top about how amazing it is.. Definitely a great thing for some people but there are obvious downsides that are often overlooked. I guess with the return of the divine feminine energy sensitive or emotional men are actually more balanced than most. Definitely going to have to check out that book too!!

Overflow, I think that legality is more about the fact that marijuana can't be patented. Drug companies stand to lose out on a massive scale if pot was legalized. Not to mention the massive business behind putting people in jail! Nearly 860,000 people in the US were incarcerated in 2009 for marijuana violations. More than one half (around 52%) of all drug related prosecutions are for marijuana. But yes it is also clear that the powers that be aren't fond of the people taking substances that make them think outside of the little box that society has prescribed for us!

[overflow88]

You are correct, there are many reasons, most of them pertaining to money and control.