So last december I got high one night by myself and had one of the worst anxiety attacks i've ever suffered. It came seemingly out of nowhere and the effects from that night lingered for months afterwards, and are still somewhat present even today (in much more manageable doses however). I'm 19 and moved out last august. I grew up without a father or any male influence in my life and became extremely insecure about my sense of masculinity. I guess moving out and being on my own and trying to become a man hit me really hard when I've never had one to look up to. My mind was racing thinking about the effects of being raised by just a woman, and how it has made me much more sensitive and emotional than most guys my age. I started thinking, am I more feminine than I am masculine? I even went as far as questioning my sexuality (something i've never done before) because of how paranoid I was. For months I continued to torture myself with questions and had fairly bad anxiety in social situations.
Looking back from a clearer less anxiety driven mindset I feel like it was just some subconscious fear of being inadequate as a man, or in some way lacking and was brought to the forefront and overblown because of me being high. I also feel now like that whole experience made me understand the importance of facing your fears head on.
Have any other indigos experienced problems with smoking pot? Or does it sit well with you? Also curious if any indigos have an issues with OCD and recurring intrusive thought patterns? I feel like smoking pot just totally sends me off in really weird directions in my thinking. I get stuck thinking about things that are normally of little importance to me and can cause me a fair bit of anxiety. Interested in hearing your thoughts and perspectives