There is a change going on inside of me. Before, I was really concerned with grades and my friends, now I've realized that there are more important things than school. (even though it is pretty important) I am on a quest, a quest for truth, goodness, and love.
Growing up in orthodox religion, I was expected to be confirmed into the church. It came as a shock to people when I told them that I decided not to. Again and again I was asked "why?" I do have my reasons, like specific things I don't believe in, but also it just didn't feel right. Also, I was asked over and over "Well, do you believe in God? Do you believe in Jesus?" I would usually say yes just because I really don't like arguing with my friends. But to be honest...I really didn't know if I believed in anything.
Recently, I have been doing some soul searching and discovering who I am and what I believe in.
God to me isn't the personified being that so many perceive "him" as. God was always called Father and so that is how some imagine him. I have read articles that say God is both masculine and feminine, just and loving, cruel, and even sometimes, multiple. That just didn't make sense to me.
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One day, it occurred to me that there are two main beliefs of religion: God and love. Personally, I believe that God is love. The purest form of it too. People say that we are made in the image and likeness of God. Well, I agree with that. We can share love and by doing so, we are being like God. Love is always around us and people are always searching for it. People that have had near death experiences say that they are engulfed by love. God isn't some other being to me, he is a feeling.
(It is hard for me to put into words what I am thinking, so sorry if this turns out choppy.)
Another thing I now understand is that it doesn't matter what religion you belong to. I think that if someone believes in something that they believe, and not some organization's thoughts about the subject, they are in the correct religion. There is no perfect religion because all people are different and require different things to be fulfilled in life.
So, I now know what I think of God. Jesus? Haven't gotten there yet. I am just taking one step at a time and doing what is true for me. I really wouldn't want to do it any other way.