I can't stand my mother

[SammehCat]

She's a huge freakin' hypocrite, and always just expects my sister and I to do everything when she can't be bothered to do crap for us. We fight all the time because I can't stand the attitude she has. Honestly, I can't wait until college in the fall when I can get 3 hours away from her, but I don't want to leave my little sister with her. I don't know how to handle my mother anymore.

[MayleneC]

She's a huge freakin' hypocrite, and always just expects my sister and I to do everything when she can't be bothered to do crap for us. We fight all the time because I can't stand the attitude she has. Honestly, I can't wait until college in the fall when I can get 3 hours away from her, but I don't want to leave my little sister with her. I don't know how to handle my mother anymore.

i have/had problems with my own mom quite alot throughout the course of life. i still live with her, and the thing i've learned is that she's not going to change, nor is it my job to change her. i would say the way to handle her is to not handle her at all. let her learn her own lessons. it seems like you already have this ability in you, from reading your quote. i take it you just needed a little tune up?

[looking]

coming from my own exp may's right... you cant change ppl... but you also have to make your own choices... for instance ive decided that its no longer healthy to pretend to respect or love family members just because they are family... like my grandmother.... she's crazy... she told me to cut myself when i was in my teens and i had a serious problem with hurting myself... there's plenty of examples i could give... how ever but i refuse to pretend to love and respect people who can't treat their family members with the same respect they think they deserve... have you tried telling your mom about er self.. how you really feel, the worries you have about your sister in her care? you know her better then i (obviously) use what ever words you think will help her understand what she's doing you guys...

[SammehCat]

My problem is that she knows she's a hypocrite, but whenever we get in big arguments she'll start screaming that she's a good mother (but she's not) and that this is her house (But it's not), and she's taken good care of us (hasn't). I mean, I've given up that my mother is going to change. It's just like, when I get angry, it's so hard for me not to snap on her. Especially as time passes on. It's like I want to fight her, but I don't want to do that in front of my sister. Essentially I'm raising my sister, so I'm trying to be good for her.

[overflow88]

My advice would also be to stop trying to "handle" her basically. Frustration arises when we have certain expectations of people and then they don't fulfill them. Try to focus on being more self-sufficient, as this will be useful since you are going off to college. Try not to let your own well-being be effected by the behavior of others. I realize this can be difficult for many people, but its worth trying. Maybe meditation would be helpful for you.

[Indigo Dog]

Dear SammehCat,

RUN! Run to college and don't look back. Be as supportive of your little sister as you can but for now save yourself! When you are able you can go and rescue your sister from Mom. Give little sister some credit too. She is a tough cookie and pretty smart.

[Noir]

Hi,
i agree with Indigo Dog. You have to get away from her. How old is ur sister btw? If you can talk about these issues with your sister may be better for her, so she understands as well.
But you definetly have to go to College and away from your mother. Do your life and get a future so you never have to come back to her. Your sis will survive some years with out you. Specially these days, you can stay i contact trough internet, phone, or etc...
When you have a degree and a good job, you can even rent an apartment live somewhere else and bring your sister with you.

Take care

[SammehCat]

My sister is fifteen.

Today my mom almost started arguing with me too. She says I have a "Poor Pitiful Me" attitude, and I don't get where she gets this crap from. She says it's because I don't do the dishes when she tells me to, and I don't see how that freakin' connects to "Poor Pitiful Me". I don't do the dishes because this woman seriously does not do crap in this house, and I want her to understand that it's not fair for her act like we should do everything for us as if we're lesser than her. I'm the *only* person in my house with a job. I'm the *only* one who has graduated high school. I'm the *only* one going to college, and this woman acts like I should submit to her, and I just can't. I don't think I should be better than her or anything, but I think she should get off of her stupid pedestal and do something to help out. Hell, even her boyfriend does something once in a while, and she thinks that's justification for my sister and I to do everything she says. And I'm like, "Even if he does some things once in a blue moon, you still don't do anything. You don't even help him. You just sit there and watch."

I seriously get super pissed when she says I'm some kind of pity seeker because I'm not. I don't freakin' want people to feel sorry for me, I just don't want people to act like she does. I'm mimicking her actions, and then she gets mad at me, and I'm like, "Well change!" and she won't.

It's driving me up the wall.

[SammehCat]

I don't care that my mom gave birth to me. That doesn't mean she can neglect my sister and I all our lives. Doesn't mean she can expect us to be okay with her lifestyle. She owes my sister and I a thousand bucks. Simple fact is, I'm cutting my mother out of my life as soon as I can.

[SammehCat]

Oh yeah, you mean the money she got from my dad in child support? Sorry, sweetie, my stepdad paid for my upbringing, even now, after his death, he's the reason we have any money. And the fact that she's spending her money on drugs and alcohol? Uhm. No.

And I'm not being egotistical. I simply don't obey the "Do as I say, not as I do" speech.

[MayleneC]

Your mother gave birth to you. Quit whining. You are not special.

your post just made me cringe. i think she deserves more respect than that.

[MayleneC]

I think she deserves a spanking. How old are you? You sound about 10. You need to go in time out and stop whining.

20... btw, i think you're very cruel. Sammeh does not deserve the way her mom is treating her, and she clearly came on here looking for some comfort. that doesn't make her egotistical or whiny, it just means she's human. everyone has an ego which is not a bad thing, it's protective in small doses.

[SammehCat]

Lmao. A time out? So I'm being egotistical when I'm trying to find people who can relate to what I'm going through and who can advise me on how to handle my situation, but you can act all high-and-mighty? Your hypocrisy is astounding.

[MayleneC]

Lmao. A time out? So I'm being egotistical when I'm trying to find people who can relate to what I'm going through and who can advise me on how to handle my situation, but you can act all high-and-mighty? Your hypocrisy is astounding.

don't worry about it. there's people here who care about you, like me. no ones life is perfect, and there's times you need to release your emotions. bottling them up is the worst thing you could do.

[Indigo Dog]

This might help you get a handle on this relationship. It's a thread I started years ago when I was sorting some stuff out in my life.


http://indigosociety.com/showthread....vampire+remove

[rafi]

This might help you get a handle on this relationship. It's a thread I started years ago when I was sorting some stuff out in my life. http://indigosociety.com/showthread....vampire+remove

I read the entire thread. Useful material; rings true IMHO. In that thread was a post and a link to a discussion of "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" which turned out to be fascinating.

That in turn led me to do some on-line research. Which may very well explain what's happening here: www.willieverbegoodenough.com/is-this-your-mom/ This site has good info and a set of questions by which you can verify of you were raised by one of these types. The author, Dr. Karyl McBride, had to go through this herself as a kid. And so it seems did I. The biggest trait of NPDs is that they have no sense of empathy. Some can learn to fake it if they want something or if they have to act "normal" around authority figures. But they don't have real feelings for anyone but themselves.

SammehCat, you present a believable account. DO NOT listen to anyone who tries to get you to feel like you're just another ungrateful teen. Or that your mom is merely a misunderstood victim. You know what you saw.

Obviously you managed to complete high school and get admitted to college; you've got something going for yourself. Do you have an adult relative whom you can trust? That could help the situation with your sister. As soon as you have settled into school, find a counselor whom you like and trust. Someone who listens to you. Most colleges have student health centers and staff who care. You need to take care of yourself and find some deserved validation.

PS-- that "chakraChick" (probably a troll guy) posted nasty stuff on other threads. And was banned for it.

[SammehCat]

I actually thought it was a troll, which is why i tried not to feed it too much. (I had saw that it had commented on a bunch of stuff, and I was sure it was posting negative stuff).

And I'll check out the website (I also checked out the other tread).

As for someone I can trust, I had my grandma and my uncle, as well as my older sister and my little sister's grandparents. I was going to live with my grandma and uncle this summer, but my uncle got a girlfriend and she and her daughter moved in with him and my grandma. And so there's not a lot of room for my sister in that apartment. My sister has a boyfriend and two children, so there's not much room for there either. I've been trying to talk her into moving in with her grandparents. I really don't want to leave her alone with my mom. I can't imagine the damage she could do. But I'm still counting that my mom and her boyfriend will be going to jail soon, and then my sister and her family could move into our trailer (since it's in my step-grandparents' name).

And I never really thought about getting help in college, but that sounds like a great idea. I had a counselor back when I was a freshman who helped a lot, but I only had her for a couple months before becoming a sophomore (we have a freshman campus that's separated from the main campus). I've tried to get my mom to help me get therapy, but as you can guess, she wasn't too excited at that idea. Haha, but thank you guys so much for commenting. It means a lot.

[SammehCat]

Ohhh yeah. That sounds like my mom, Rafi.


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