death&illness

[rija]

hi there..
i have so so hard time in my life..so hard..i can't deal with stuff..my family is falling apart..there's nothing i can do..i can't stop crying and we all know that tears are going nowhere..
my father is fighting cancer..and it's hard time for all of us..we are still fighting but other things are coming and i don't know how much we can take..couple of months ago my fathers younger brother just fall death at work..healthy and happy man..my fathers supporter no.1 after us of course..so that hit us straight down..it was terrible..5 days after my cousin's baby 8 months old died after 3 weeks of coma (she fall and hit her head) and my fathers mother have Alzhajmer..if you know about that sickness than you know how hard it gets when she doesn't remember about her son's illness or death..
and the most recently news are my other grandmother have cancer too..breast cancer..my sister was in hospital and i am ill too..and i don't see the end of this bad things coming..
now i am so afraid..i don't want to loose no one else..we are all so sad..and we don't see bright side..if we loose so many members of our family..i know that people are dieing but in this short time..this is to much..and everybody are our first family..first we were all together..not letting anyone to feel alone..but now i see we are all falling apart..inside..one by one..including me..i just wanna run away..and now more than ever i want to go to that home i seek for so long..
i just can't stand be sad anymore and the situation right now is like i will be sad for a long time..
so how all this is going on..and not stopping..we all have some feelings that this is not normal..like it is creepy..spooky..or whatever..or it's just too much of sadness..but then again..it is a bit weird..
my father and his brother were healthy both..and then first my father and then his brother..i am afraid that all this bad things will spend my fathers and ours energy for fighting..
why is this happening?

[D a n e]

Awe... i am so sorry about your family.... I hope everything gets better for you. I hope you father gets well soon.

[rija]

Awe... i am so sorry about your family.... I hope everything gets better for you. I hope you father gets well soon.

Thank you!the thing that is hard for me is that i can feel others sadness..i can exactly say when i am sad and when i cry because someone else is crying..it is a bit weird it's like i cry all the time..'cause of my feelings and then (this Friday) for my mothers sadness..her mother left to another country to have an operation..all of this is very stressful..so feeling others family members feelings is overload for me..

[D a n e]

Yeah, I think that's called empathy. I can feel others emotions too.(a lot of people can, some more intensively than others) but it's always negative emotions, I never get positive emotions. :/

[rija]

me too..never felt happiness,just anxiety or sadness..that's bad..it would help right now to feel someones happiness at least..if it can't be mine..


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[D a n e]

I have heard that most of the emotions people have are not even their own emotions.

[rija]

well..no one ever felt mine..as i know..i don't think that's true,cause in that case you could always find a balance..like i' m sad and someone near me is happy this combination mixed could make you feel nothing..or feel just normal..right? but sometime someones happiness can make you feel a bit better..someones smile can make me feel better but it doesn't make my sadness go away..