This is my first posting here ... I think I pretty much know the answer to my own question but would love some reassurance from others.
I am suffering from a chronic illness which has meant I had to move back in with my family several years ago. I suffered a lot of classic indigo problems as a child eg feelings of hurt and rejection as I was very sensitive. I'm in my forties now and am much older and wiser but I find myself back in that old childhool situation. Because of my health problems, I know that I don't handle situations as well as I'd like to.
There is one particular family member who is poles apart from me. When I'm feeling low, I find it difficult to even speak to him. It's like my sensitivity is heightened and I'm awaiting that rejection at any time which feels like a body blow. If I'm feeling ok, I can handle it. I've learned to let things go (which I'm quite proud of, I can tell you!). But if I'm not, I end up feeling so hurt and resentful it's just awful. And I have no way really of expressing it ... I have tried. I just find it so difficult to cope with his lack of sensitivity and then I end up feeling awful because of these negative feelings I feel towards him.
It's a real bummer because I try so hard to stay on an even keel. It really bugs me that people don't see how hard I work to overcome the hurt feelings. Saying that I know that he makes an effort too but we are just so far apart. And I just end up feeling like the bad guy all the time ... he's clueless as to the effect his words can have on me.
Can anyone relate? Like I say, I'd just like some reassurance that I'm not bad for having all these horrible feelings. I obviously need to find some way of expressing them ... and maybe writing here will help.
Thanks for listening