Every time I go to sleep, I pray I'll get the chance to encounter my spirit guide. Some times I have a dream sequence where I'm asking about him, or calling out his name. During the following, I am aware that I was dreaming.
Last night, I had a dream sequence where I was what seemed to be the bottom floor of an apartment. I'm standing in a hallway that looks connected to a kitchen with windows (and the living room directly adjacent but separated with the kitchen wall), and at the end of the tiny hallway (the hallway is just big enough to walk into the kitchen, a short hallway), is a door, like a side porch door something, and this door is open. I called out my spirit guide's pet name I have for him, the name he introduced to me first. I see a deer through a kitchen window running towards this open door, and it runs in and nearly runs me over, but I stand in place. I call his name again and another deer comes. I decide this isn't getting me anywhere. I move further into the home and enter what seems like a bathroom, connected to the living room. I think there's a kid in there playing with toys, and there doesn't seem to be a door to close.
I call out a name I thought he gave me as his past life name. In comes a blueish wolf into the living room. I get confused. I then think (I don't call like before) about the name I thought he gave me that I thought was my past life name and in walks a blueish and white fox right next to the wolf.
Dream sequence changes. The rest of my dreams pretty much involve me trying to find a way to talk to my spirit guide while in the dream world, who I assume is right next to my body on the bed while I'm sleeping, so I figure he is observing everything I'm experiencing. I encounter a man in what feels like a grocery store / office building. I tell him I'm trying to find a way to hear my spirit guide's voice in the dream. This man tells me that I will never hear his voice (as long as I'm incarnated)... and I take this to mean that I will never get the kind of communication I'd hope, with my spirit guide, while in the dream world. Then, I see this man has an object in his hand that looks like he intends to prick me with it... as if it's supposed to wake me up. So I start running away from him, because I'm not finished looking since I don't feel this man is the authority on the questions I have. I make my way over to the "office building" layout of the environment, and start noticing slender doors, like closet doors, next to people's office furniture, and figure I can take one that will lead me away from this place. I remember looking at one, and then the dream sequence changes.
The last dream sequence of this sleeping session, because I am aware that I'm dreaming... I think of someone who had just recently died a couple weeks. My step sister of over a decade that I barely knew. At the start of this sequence, I see her standing there. She does not look happy. She does not look sad. And I still question if I was really seeing her, or just my mind creating her like it does when it creates fictional characters (I assume most are fictional). As soon as I see her, my heart aches. Simultaneously I think of the shallow, distasteful thoughts I've had about her, and then I become concerned that she can read my thoughts and see what I'm thinking and that my thoughts are hurting her. I ask her some questions about her death, trying to get something resolved about it... in the end I was just like, "okay, I'll just leave it alone." Then she says, "the more we keep talking, the more we start to look like each other." It caught me off guard, the dream and her image froze. Her eyes looked different in this freeze frame, glassy-er... and I woke up. I wasn't concerned too much about the whole, "we start looking like each other thing", and I also don't believe it, even so I wouldn't care because it is whatever it is in the afterlife.
I'm up this morning so early because I just woke up from a disturbing development. This is the only thing I remember happening during my slumber. I "wake up" in the dreamworld in my bed. I'm laying on my side and feel someone behind me whom I always assume is my spirit guide. I feel him tickling my sides. I decide I want to turn around and see him (I always try to). I then remember how I have the idea that he might possibly have 6 arms (I figure it's a joke... you know how people say they can only do so much with their two hands?) because one time in the dreamworld on my bed, it felt like he had 4 palms on my back (it originally felt like maybe a monkey had their palms and feet pressed flat on my back), and in another, I was lying on top of him as if he was part of the bed, I was facing the ceiling... he had his hands under my armpits, my body was floating up towards the ceiling and I was completely horizontal... and I take my hands to feel his hands, and I look down and notice there are at least 2 other sets of hands on my waist... I start to reach for them to touch them and he takes the original hands that were holding my arm pit, and brings my hands back to their original position as if he was like, "no, don't touch that". I then remember how in the previous dream the possibility of people looking like each other after talking to each other for awhile, even though I don't believe this. So before I turn around, I tell him that I'll promise to keep my eyes closed (I haven't been able to see his face in the dreamworld for well over 3 months now, the angle never seems to allow it) because I figure maybe the reason I haven't been able to see his face is because it looks different and I might be frightened or something. I turn around, and start using my hands to feel out his shoulders. Afraid to move my hands lower for fear of coming into contact with the other arms (which I can't see so I don't really know if they were actually there), I stop them on his undefined biceps. I then get the sense that he's moving his head towards my left hand. I then feel a mouth forming under my left hand palm, and it bites me. At the same time I feel this bite, I feel a larger biting sensation on what I can only describe as where my butt should be, but my entire butt... like a large, vacuum around my entire rear. So I have simultaneous biting on two ends of my body (pretty much north and south)... and it feels like he's grabbed me tighter and my whole body feels like it's pulsating. A split second after the biting started, it sort of feels like air is getting sucked out of both ends of my body, but not in a pleasant way. I was terrified and immediately starting called for JC and angels and whoever else was benevolent who might happen to help me. The sensation lasted about maybe 3-6 seconds. Then I force myself to wake up... it's like trying to pull myself away from magnetic vibration (the same sensation I feel when I'm really tired and about to fall asleep, and it feels like I'm trying to immediately transition into the dream world while still half awake.. and I spend a handful of attempts pulling myself out of this feeling.. a strong, magnetic vibration that's sucking me to sleep). He fcking bit my hand. That's not even sexy. That's not attractive. That's not foreplay. It's nothing good.
I wake up angry and confused. I start thinking in my head, barking at my spirit guide. I start wondering if this experience was really my spirit guide. I think to him, if it is... it's a really fcked up joke. I start being mean and spiteful to him. I tell him how I can't believe he's allowed to be my spirit guide. How he needs to find a new occupation, but he's not cut out to be one. I think of another possibility that maybe it really wasn't him, but then I yell at him that if that's the case, he's doing a shitty job of protecting me. Why can this individual get such contact with me in the first place? Why doesn't he protect me? So I really don't think it was anyone else but my spirit guide. Naturally, I'm furious and irritated with him. I now only have mean things to say towards him because just because he's invisible, doesn't mean he's going to get away with it. Of course I cry out in my head that he should be replaced. I don't care anymore that I'll have to relearn another spirit guide since he's not capable of guiding me correctly. That this whole thing has been one big fcking mess. As confused as I am about him, it seems he's doing me more harm than good. And what a disgrace he is to spirit guides everywhere.
I told my partner what happened and he says, "I don't think there's anybody else out in the world who yells at their spirit guide like you do."
******My partner said, "maybe you just misunderstood."...
I said, "but he friggen bit my hand!"
He says, "maybe it was a love bite type thing."
I say, "if you were my guide and you were there instead, you're a ghost/spirit and I'm a human (with all this fear involved with the unknown-I didn't say these words but it was understood)... would you bite me?"
He says, "well if I thought you were into that sort of thing."
I remind him, "but there was a mouth that formed on his arm. under my hand. that's what bit my hand."
So basically I'm at the point where I feel like my guide might be an idiot with a bad sense of humor. Horrible judge. Like hello, he's invisible and in this unknown territory of the "spirit realm" which I have little to no proof of how things work (and I can't seem to trust dreams to tell me, they might all be fictional bullshit given to us just for our own and maybe others' entertainment as far as I'm concerned)... so who the fk thinks it's okay to do something to scare their human that they're supposed to be guiding? THAT'S NOT OKAY! It's not. And I'm not okay with it. And I'm going to keep giving him an earful until something is done about it... someone, somewhere must give a shit that this is being allowed to happen. I've even threatened how what if I kill myself because of his severe lack of ability to be a decent spirit guide... wtf would he think/feel about that... certainly the other spirit guides would look at him and go, "wow bro, you fail at spirit guiding. you fail hard!" Unless everyone in the afterlife/heaven is brainwashed on figurative happy pills. And relax, I'm not really going to kill myself, I was just saying that to him as an example of HOW HARD HE'S FAILING. Is this punishment? Did I do something horrible in a past life and the punishment is having a shitty spirit guide?
So now I'm trying to ignore him. Ignoring his physical body sensations. Ignoring his yes/no signals (I can barely trust these anyways). It's actually pretty easy to ignore clairaudience because it's so damn low volume that basically anything in my environment is louder and easier to focus on. My clairaudience is pretty much shit at this point anyways so it's a pretty easy ability to ignore. But just because I'm ignoring them, doesn't mean they're not still happening.
The thing is, I really don't think it was anybody else but my guide. Which is what's confusing. And if it's not, wtf is my guide doing while these other beings are bugging me? WTF?!?!??!