Jealousy

[FlamingArrow]

Just out of curiosity, who is here is jealous when it comes to relationships, are you guys very trusting? If it comes down to blind trust, are you guys able to, even with signs of doubt? I wonder what how other indigo's take this.

[raztaz12]

I trust until someone does something to betray that trust. Then there is little to no way you can get it back. It would take moving mountains to get it back, I will forgive and respect you but I won't trust.

[FlamingArrow]

What if you're unsure of the actual betrayel? Do you pursue it, or leave it be and continue to trust?


This brings me to another question, do you tend to over analyze things? My head sometimes no matter how hard I try, just does not refuse to shake a certain bad idea or thought at times. I also have strong gut feelings, and they usually have led me to more questions and doubt. Yet, because I also feel I may over analyze, idk if the best is to ignore my gut or follow it.

[raztaz12]

Ah I'm the same its my Saggi rising in me. I overanalyze EVERYTHING, every comment, all the time. If I have a doubt, I still trust the person. I know it is my own insecurities not the other persons actions. If I however, saw them kiss another person and I didn't know what it meant. I'd ask them about it, but it wouldn't be like OMG I saw you kissing them drama scene.

[FlamingArrow]

Yea, I'm not one for drama either, but just asking a question gets me in trouble = / and sometimes not having an answer is too much for my constantly seeking truth and nothing less way of thinking


Edit: Now that I'm reading about shielding and such, I'm wondering if these thoughts that I can't shake off sometimes, even though I want to and try, could be a result of me never shielding?

[cindy_doney]

yup, i agree with the trusting like a twit until they break your heart thing. but oh dear, im so sorry, i think if i found out that my husband was having a side floozy, i would break his stupid nut open. yup it would be a stupid nut cos, for goodness sakes, hes got ME!!!!!! xxxxx

[SteveThePirate]

I have to say no. But of the numerous times I have trusted someone I got fucked over.

[Soulsearcher29]

trust is a weird word for me, I dont trust anybody 100 percent, but myself even that can be shaky sometimes. Here is an example, my sister, I trust her to watch my kids, to help me with advice, but I dont trust her to not tell my secrets, some of my friends I trust to take my side, be there for me, but not to gossip or whatnot or tell white lies, my husband i trust him not to lie, to take care of the kids, but there are certain things I dont trust him with. I just think its life, if you go around trusting people 100 percent, your bound to be disappointed because nobody is perfect. It just depends how they hurt you and if you can live with what they have done and forgive, move forward. Some things I might consider forgiveable, somebody else might not, it depends what issues you have with what you think they did wrong and how easy it is for you to get past it. Anything can be forgiven, if both parties are mature and sincere about their intent and willingness to work on things. One thing for me is that I dont look at many things as permanent or forever, that can be a goal while your alive, but the only thing certain is change in life. There are so old phrases I dont like and some are, the apple dont fall too far from the tree, a dog doesnt change its spots, once a cheater always a cheater, once a liar always a liar, once a thief always a thief, all these phrases stick in peoples heads and dont give the person who has messed up or made a mistake, room to be forgiven and a chance to redeem themselves, we are always growing and learning, always changing. I certainly dont want to be remembered for some of the things I have done in my past and I am not the person I was in high school, I still have issues, but people do learn from mistakes and sometimes people keep making the same mistakes until they do learn. You have to use your own common sense about what your boundaries are with people and what you can and cannot live with it after a mistake is made.

[Satisfiction]

I'm very very trusting, but if you break that trust, bye bye... I have more self-respect than to take you back.

BUT

In reference to the 'over-thinking' - I personally think EVERYBODY has a tendency to overthink things these days because we, as a society, are not honest with each other about our true intentions.

It is socially acceptable to dance around the subject instead of being upfront and the majority of us spent most of our time during relationships wondering how the other person truly feels, and what their commitment is to you. "He loves me, he loves me not"... We are afraid that we ask these kinds of questions the other person will get scared and run away. We live in illusions and dreams that they will come around and truly love us instead of just plain old asking them.

It is sad that we would rather live in the misery unknowing and uncertainty than live a life alone. In my personal experience it all ends up being a waste of time in the end, because you still lose them somewhere along the track only it's with WAY more heartache because you've been involved with them that much longer. I've seen mine and my friends (guys and girls) hearts be broken time and time again because they 'try' to make things work, but when they are honest with themselves someone was living in a dream world. And both people weren't honest with themselves or each other.

I'm not anti-relationship (I'm actually a deep romantic), but I AM anti-dishonesty and now I've come to a point where I would rather be single than waste my time and heart on someone who doesn't respect that.

/*spoken from a 26 year old female perspective.

[FlamingArrow]

Satisfaction, well said. Sadly, all too true.

[sshenry]

I'm not anti-relationship (I'm actually a deep romantic), but I AM anti-dishonesty and now I've come to a point where I would rather be single than waste my time and heart on someone who doesn't respect that.

amen and amen

[Silverhaze]

I don't ever seem to get jealous except like once or twice and I didn't even know what it was just a twang and a sudden longing to rip her hands off of him but then I rationalized it and realized he was mine and it didn't matter if she had her hands on him because at the end of the day he was taking me home not her.

I do sometimes get envious but it only makes me work harder toward my goals.

Interestingly enough when people feel jealousy around me I don't pick it up as jealousy by empathy instead it feels like anger, desperation and insecurity
It takes me a while to realize if someone is jealous of me because I don't really understand jealousy much...
I tend to blame myself for my misfortune before I blame others...

[WingedDefender]

I don't ever seem to get jealous except like once or twice and I didn't even know what it was just a twang and a sudden longing to rip her hands off of him but then I rationalized it and realized he was mine and it didn't matter if she had her hands on him because at the end of the day he was taking me home not her.

Me too, on the jealousy part,. as far as the hands all over, it was reversed roles.. girls instead of guy- I punched him when he made an err inappropiate grab though when she wasnt looking.

When i say inappropiate grab, well he tried- hehehehe
When she turned she asked me why he was out... i told her he must of drank too much.

hahahaha
CJ-

[BlackRaven15]

I get quite jealous too actually for no apparent reason so I accepted the fact that I wasn't made for relationships it's better to be alone sometimes

[Anomalia Zelta]

I don't get jealous. My first boyfriend told me I did not care about him really because I never get jealous, and my second boyfriend totally loved the fact that I do not get jealous and told me he feels so free.

I agree with much of what is said here. I will trust someone but once they break it...it is very hard to repair...and if it is a matter of infidelity, I prefer to be alone and let whoever i was with go and enjoy what they are seeking. Even if it hurts.

[Anomalia Zelta]

I get quite jealous too actually for no apparent reason so I accepted the fact that I wasn't made for relationships it's better to be alone sometimes

Very responsible of you...I admire your thoughts in this post. I believe when the time is right, you will be ready

[goddess_in_embryo]

Absolutely zero jealousy. Not even when there is reason to doubt.

If someone wants to be with me, they'll be with me. If someone doesn't, they won't. I don't find it worth my time to bother with being jealous or possessive. I'm sure that some of this comes with being polyamorous. It would be a horrible double standard for me to be jealous and not expect my partners to be.

My husband is jealous of experiences, but not people... if that makes sense. He is far more upset that I had what he perceives to have been a much more interesting childhood/adolescence than he is that I have other partners. This is likely because he is also polyamorous.