parental abuse of Indigos

[anthony]

Hi my fellow Indiogs. My blessings to you all. I just wanted to know how many of you experienced abuse of any kind, specifically of the emotional value, by your immediete family, especially your parents? I have from day one basically experienced emotional, and mental abuse from my parents. As a child...i was "different". I was very rebellious. I hated being forced to go to church. HATED it. My parents just thought i was the typical "lost, rebellious kid who would eventually grow out of it and become a 'productive' member of society.". That's what they thought. I was always, and still am, ridiculed for my beliefs in the occult, caring so much about the less fortuneate, and just being so "different" from what my family wants me to be. The magnitude of abuse I've experienced would never be done justice by words alone. They never supported me being me or encouraged me in any way to be confident in my beliefs, in who i was as an indigo. I had a horrible time in school, grade wise and friend wise. They werent understanding. And when I began skipping school in the 9th grade, again, they simply grew stronger in their ignorant beliefs that i was simply a "bad" kid. They even locked me up in this "we'll fix your bad kid and make him shiny and new and pretty and obedient for you and society" for 3 months. i couldnt leave or anything. i was 15 at the time and ran away numerous times but always got caught. But the main point of this thread is to ask of YOUR experiences with your parents as an indigo? What abuses did your suffer? How is your current relationsihp with your parents? Divulge anything you'd like. My love to you all!


This ad goes away when you register.

[anthony]

ok, since no one is responding, ill talk a little more about my own childhood. From an extremely young age..probably 5, i felt different. but like i said, my parents never encouraged my "uniqueness" and strange interest and life philosophies. they discouraged them. they ridiculed me for being very "pro black cause". I was very "fight the power" as a child. i saw the injustices against blacks, past and present, and felt very strongly for their cause. they hated this. they thought i was just trying to "be black" or soemthing which was weird to me. they thought cuz i loved tupac that it was just something like that when it was much deeper. i identified with their plight, past and present. they even went so far as to break every one of my tupac cd's i had (5). i was 13-14 at the time. but this is a small example. i was always interested in the occult. they also hated this. ridiculed me. they always hated the fact that and ridiculed me for not "falling in line". it burned them up that i would flat refuse to be like them and didnt agree with their life mentalities, as well as most of mainstream society's. I never did homework. always a source of great strain in the family. i did hw like..literally...less than 10 x my entire school life. they just thought i was a bad kid and would scream at me and say stuff along the lines of "you're not going be anything and do you wanna be a bum on the street!? You're just LAZY! Other kids do their homework and make good grades! why couldnt i have a kid that did that?!" u know..on and on. they would always try to make me feel weird. i was and still am the black sheep of the immediete and extended family. it sucks but i dont care much at all. its just their ignorance which is the cause of their repulse of me. but anyways..even when i annouced i was a vegetarian (long since become a vegan) they freaked and made fun of me for it. which was weird to me..cuz its purely logical that animals have as much rights as humans do. these are a few examples. it was much more intense than these few examples..but u get the idea. wish some ppl would post their experiences. anyways, *hug* to u all.

[Bunneh]

I incurred abuse at the hands of family members and society at large when I was a child and teenager. I came through school an emotional wreck from all the abuse from every angle.... family, peers, teachers, random people on the street. People always recognised my difference and almost feared it, so I was attacked.

[ifalna]

I had a god-awful childhood, too. I didn't fit in with my family, or the kids in school. I just wanted to play with my pets, walk in the woods, and read all day. My family tried to turn me into what they thought I should be (an obedient little automaton), and abused me when I resisted. School was hell because I just didn't understand the interpersonal games that kids play, and the teachers disliked me because I just couldn't perform on demand for them and they assumed I was being stubborn or defiant.

My interest in the occult got me slapped with the "weird" label. I couldn't force myself to focus on subjects that bored me, so I was called, "stupid". So many rumors ended up going around about me, my reputation was destroyed before I understood what a reputation even was.

By my senior year I was so depressed I attempted suicide two months before graduation. I was so lost I didn't know what I was doing half the time. I ended up doing some crazy things, and making some really bad choices.

I've spent my entire adult life so far (I'm 32) attempting to undo the damage my childhood caused, and uncover who I really am. I wish things had been different, much less painful, but at least I have a lot of experiences to inspire my art.

[Annette]

deleted

[phxeko]

hi..
oh i feel so relief to hear your story.. i had the same experience with emotional abuse (physical isn't affect much) from my parents.. i feel relief that i'm not alone.. and so are you.. you are not alone..
my parents also have the kind old mindset.. they tried to 'discipline' me by provoking fear in me.. from my childhood, i have been kicked out about 5 times.. and that really create a strong wound.. i often feel very insecure.. and sometimes i just feel so inferior.. i also sometimes have a thought to commit suicide.. people around me will not understand.. one thing that keep me survive is my faith which strengthen by this forum, mailing list, sites..
and till now, i'm dealing with the insecure feeling which sometimes provoke an anger, rage..
but we are just sensitive.. and sometimes we also know that we can't blame our parents.. they are all suffering.. the different is. we have the higher consciousness.. and they don't.. it makes things even worse cause i can't blame them..

[Indigo118]

Okay...I had to register just so I could respond to this post!

Anthony, your childhood experiences sound VERY similar to mine. I too was forced to go to church and always, ALWAYS dreaded it, as I was never comfortable there. I went to church so infrequently that I always ended up in some Sunday school class full of kids I didn't know. It was downright terrifying, especially when I was younger. And with a grandmother who was (and still is) Southern Baptist, well, you can imagine!

I hated school too. I hated classwork, I hated homework, I hated it all. I just wanted to read and write and daydream all day. I got terrible grades and the resulting parental lectures. My mother either screamed and yelled or talked to me in a low, menacing tone. My stepfather sometimes was able to talk to me normally, but other times he just whined. (You might be interested to know that I got the screaming and yelling to stop when I just pointed out to my mother one day that shouting at me was never going to help me get better grades. She said, "You know what? You're right," and even signed a contract we wrote out that stated she would never again raise her voice to me when it came to grades!)

Socially, I was (and still am) just not singing the same song as everybody else in the choir. I never had a lot of friends in school and was relentlessly teased from the time I was 9 until the time I was 13. I even had a few teachers pick on me, which I really didn't understand--I thought my teachers were there to STOP others from picking on me!

My interest in the occult really picked up steam when I was about 12--more reason for the other kids to bully me for being weird. At first I was a hit, actually--never mind that I barely understood my budding psychic abilities. All the other girls crowded around me, asking who they would marry, who had a crush on them, if they would make cheerleader or not. I was too young and inexperienced to know it didn't work like that (for me, at least), and I felt bad because I didn't have answers to their questions. I felt bad all over again when they took me for a "fraud," thought I had lied to them, and either shunned or teased me for it.

I scared my mother with my interest in the occult, I think--she was trying to get into Jesus the way HER mother did, while I was reading books with titles like "You Are Psychic!" She was always asking me why I read books like that, why I wore a lot of black all the time, why I never wanted to go to church. To this day, I know that she does not understand or respect my beliefs. A few years ago when I was moving, my mother reached for my "cleansing broom" to sweep the floor and I stopped her, explaining what it was. She got all huffy and went to go yell at my stepfather about the fact that I wouldn't let her sweep the floor with my broom. My stepdad, distracted as usual, just said, "What?" and my mother waved her hand dismissively at me and said, "Oh, she thinks she's a witch or something."

My father's annoying. He's made fun of me and put me down for most of my life. Everything's always a joke with the man. He and my stepmother make little effort to be involved in my life now--cards at Christmas and on my birthday and that's it. Funny how they keep asking--in the cards--when I am going to go visit them. Is it any wonder I want to write them back saying, "Never! How's never sound? How does never work for you??"

Well, THAT was a long post! Hope I answered your question thoroughly enough, Anthony. Bottom line: I suffered numerous emotional abuses from parents, relatives, and peers and today pretty much wish my entire family would disappear, with the exception of my stepdad, who's been wise enough to stay out of everything for the most part.

[anthony]

thank u for that post indigo. yes..i resonate with all u said. u remind me of myself and im sure all of us indigos remind eachother of ourselves. well..what can we say? they are ignorant. as hard as it can be to be an indigo, i cherish it becuz we have a mission to heal and progress the world into a higher dimension. a somewhat funny incident that occured while i was 16 (the year i attempted suicide and almost died) was when i was studying Wicca. My mom, being an ultra conservative pentecostal (hypocrite btw) was extremely uncomfortable with this and constantly ridiculed me. Well..one day.. after a very extremly heated argument, i said to myself "u know what! this bitch thinks im into 'devil' stuff, ill REALLY make her think so". So, i took some of my leftover red hairdye and wrote "666" on my bedroom wall. she freaked. I guess it was the rebellious indigo in me that spurred that action on. it was hilarious but inside i was beyond sad and depressed. the feeling of complete differentness and..astrangement from my "family" was so intense, and not many days after that i overdosed on 75 otc pills. but the key for us indigos to remember is to stay strong, stay focused, complete the mission. my parents still treat me like shit for being different. But, as i age, i am more able to accept the ridicule without angering or trying to defend myself or expecting a healthy relationship with them. Our mission is not to worry about what our parents or anyone else thinks of us. it is to heal the world and progress its evolution. that is it. the ridicules of our parents and anyone else simply does not matter. they will not stop us from completing the mission. period. but thank you so much for sharing that with me and please stay strong for yourself and more importantly the world. *HUG*

[angelalouisa]

Hi Anthony

I love names beginning with A because always such strong characters, and your strong personality shines out through your post ( hope you don't mind me pointing that out).

My parents couldn't deal with me, not because I was naughty but because they sensed my difference, I was a child of nature and didn't fit in at all, it was hell for me and there were no indigo's at all near me when I was young
(38 now). Teachers were scared of my difference, my mum used to say that I could see into her soul and I could, I could see everybodies true being and their fear and I just could never get it. Consquently I left home at 15 and istopped going to school at 13, I have been a rebel my whole life but a rebel with heart.

You're probally going to hate me for saying this but as a parent to a wonderful Indigo child, MY GOD HE IS HARD WORK, his lucky I understand him, because if he lived with anyone else he would definately be on ritalin. I adore him obviously and we have some great times together but there have been times in the past when I have wished that he would just fit in, just because I want a quiet life, I have had to remove him from school because the schools are still in the dark ages and expect him to queue and sit still for hours on end. I must admit it is getting easier and easier now that there are so many indigo's recognising themselves but being mother to Indigo child can at the worst times be real hard.

Sometimes we clash big time both being indigo's and his brother being more crystal is driven insane by us both.

I hope you don't feel that I have made light of what you have said about parental abuse, it is very real and very wrong.

with love Indigo mother ( angela)

[anthony]

thank u for sharing. No..u havent made light of it, simply shared your story. I imgaine it could be difficult to parent an indigo. i personally do not think i will ever choose to have children as it would detract from my ability to heal the world, on the level id like to. at times i wish i were a crystal..becuz it would make me less fiery in the sense that indigos are which can at times really be emotionally draining. i feel all indigos have a perpetual supply of the passion needed to acheive our missions, but at times, with the world we live in..it can kinda feel like our passion is wreaking havoc on our earthly bodies. spiritually we're fine, but physically, we can become "run down" with our own intensity. I speak for myself I suppose but I'm sure this is true of my fellow indigos as well. so yes, i can imagine your crystal being driven nuts. lol. Thank u for sharing, again. : )

[Eternal]

I've read that the life of an Indigo can often seem to be unnaturally difficult and it seems that many of us could relate to that. Not only on the obvious level in terms of the difficult mission we have been set, but that the world that surrounds us is so blind and thus is intimidated by our presence. I feel that that is the reason why so many indgo's fall victum to such abuse, I didn't excape it either.

I was sexually abused by a family friend for a year when I was 5 years old, this is something which I am finally letting go of. My family found me to be difficult, determined, stubborn and rebellious, I didn't fit the mould, I wasn't the blank slate they were expecting and I can assure you they tried their very best to wipe me clean.....to get the obediant child they had ordered. I wasn't wiped clean of course, but in their tireless attempts, I fell victum to years of emotion and mental abuse.

I didn't fit in at school and had hardly any friends, my childhood and adolescence was absolute hell, and I thank God that I'm now in my adult years! At 16 I became severely depressed and turned to self-harm as a result. I've tried to end my life more times than I can remember and spent over 2 years in psych hospital being treated and medicated to get myself 'well'.

Thankfully all of that is now behind me and I can leave it as my past. I undersatnd that much of what I went through in its own way served a purpose, and now having discovered that I am an Indigo I can see it from another perspective.

Its unfortunate that so may of us have to endure such difficult excperiences while growing up, but in a world that is not yet ready to understand our purpose it seems to come with the territory. I'm excited to have finally come full circle and to have found my way home, the future is truely looking bright and my purpose has never been clearer.

Having a community like this has made such a difference for me already, and I appreciate you all so much. At least we now have ways of uniting together, at least our road is not as lonely as it once was.

[dancermg]

My mother fortunately while she doesn't realize it probably has some indigo tendencies so she understood how to get through to me as a child she learned very early on that I was going to do things when I wanted to and not a minute before
My Dad on the other hand had no idea. so he tried to use all the usual tricks that as you all know don't work with Indigos. He also lied to me most of my life and continued to harp about things like grades and behavior and ended up making me feel like to him I was worthless so as soon as I could I ended the realtionship.

[Ghost]

I was born into a family where abuse had cycled through many generations. Each newer generation seemed to suffer more than the next. At the age of five I was just starting to realize and experience the wondrous world. My innocence shined, but just after I had turned six my world began to crumble. What is interesting, if I hadn’t listened to my guide, I would have crumbled with it. It told me to pay close attention and not to truth anything but myself.

My parents got divorced and I instantly felt my oneness with nature became unbalanced. Next my mother took on an abusive boyfriend and my sister and I soon became the neglected children. My mother had attracted a male with equivalent vibrations to her own. Her mother (my Grandmother) had favoured the sons and treated the daughters like dirt. They were considered useless, not worth the ground they stood on.

That was later amplified by this man who made an example of her poor self esteem. He repetitively beat and emotionally abused her, turning our home into a torturous prison. When her soul become compliant he focused his pain on my thirteen year old sister, making her his sexual slave, murdering her soul. I myself was treated as an insignificant inconvenience, battered and tossed aside.

With little confidence in common therapy I proceeded to deal with the post trauma much like the described Indigo reflective ways. It required me to be disciplined and for me to stay clear of stimuli that would trigger the cycle waiting to be execute, his monster laid dormant, itching to get out.

When other my age were experiencing and advancing through their adolescences, I stayed back looking deep inside for answers, trying to achieve balance, attempting to fix what went wrong. As I learned lessons from my past, my perception began to change. All traits that seemed like curses have now become powerful parts of my intuition, which drive my purpose.

Reflecting back on this now, I see how every single event and experience snap together to fuel a much bigger purpose. It is almost as if I was meant to experience these things in order to have this particular understanding. Actually from talking to other Indigos, including your selves, I have come to understand my exact position among you all… Quite strange really.

G

[Bunneh]

Teachers were scared of my difference, my mum used to say that I could see into her soul and I could, I could see everybodies true being and their fear

It is so good to see someone else write this. This is exactly how it was and is for me, people still react to this aspect of me, I even have strangers come up to me and abuse me because of it.

One thing I just wanted to mention in regard to abuse, where ever it has come from, is that it is imperative for our spiritual journeys to forgive those that have abused us. This is a major key, and often a real obstacle for indigos because we feel things that much more intensely. Often I find we feel the pain more deeply as though our spirits get bruised.

I will share with you an experience that reiterated to me that forgiveness is so important. When I was 9 my parents divorced, I had three older brothers and one of them came to live with myself and my mother. He was 15 years older than me, a 6ft3 man in his mid-twenties, who was a martial arts master in full training. As you can imagine he was quite a powerful person, he was also an incredibly angry person, who physically beat me and mentally abused me for years. Part of his problem with me was my intimidating intelligence and indigo presence. He always told me he felt intimidated by me from when I was very little..... ridiculous really. Anyway, his treatment of me continued into my late teens, and I grew to despise him... I don't believe I have felt true hatred, but I did despise him. When I was in my early twenties I was still quite psychologically damaged by him and my dislike for him was quite intense. One night I lay down in my double bed to go to sleep and I rolled over to find a being sitting next to me in my bed. It was completely robed in black from head to toe (it may have been coloured but it was dark) and its face was hooded like a druid. On its chest was a symbol I recognised, and all it said to me over and over was "You must forgive". I knew what this being was refering to, because the symbol on its chest was a chinese character that my brother wore on one of his shirts. From that moment on I knew I had to forgive his actions, I didn't have to condone them, but it was in my interest to forgive so the hurt didn't fester in me. It didn't happen over night, but by being willing to forgive it has gradually happened. My hurt formed my personality, and with forgiveness I have been able to reveal who I am, when I am not a victim, and I prefer this me.

Anyway, that was a long ramble, but I just want to encourage people to consider the path of forgiveness. For no one's benefit but your own.

[Sarcinarious Joe!]

Abuse or no abuse, we must focus on liberating ourselves from a victim mentality if we really desire to change anything.

[Eternal]

Reflecting back on this now, I see how every single event and experience snap together to fuel a much bigger purpose. It is almost as if I was meant to experience these things in order to have this particular understanding. Actually from talking to other Indigos, including your selves, I have come to understand my exact position among you all… Quite strange really.

G[/QUOTE]


I'm so sorry to hear that you've been through so much, your life has definately dealt out a few tough cards right from the beginning. I can really relate to what you have said about your past clicking together, giving you a solid foundation of understanding, years later

I too have dealt with trauma from an early age and this is now what I base my intuition on. It may sound strange but I actually feel blessed to have been gifted such huge challenges, as they are what brought me to this place of enlightenment so soon. If I had not have been through what I have and come out the other side, not only alive but so much richer....I'd never be where I am today.

I just give thanks to God for giving me the strength to carry on, so that I could be here today....so much stronger and wiser.....ready to take on the world.

[anthony]

Abuse or no abuse, we must focus on liberating ourselves from a victim mentality if we really desire to change anything.

no one said we had a "victim mentality". Discussin your past is different from having a "victim mentality". Its not as if we're just setting on self pity. We are discussing our past, which is healthy.

[spiritzzz]

Reflecting back on this now, I see how every single event and experience snap together to fuel a much bigger purpose. It is almost as if I was meant to experience these things in order to have this particular understanding.
G

wow, these words hold much wisdom to these eyes and reaffirm my experience through this incarnation. much love and light to you!!!!

Doug

[Eternal]

no one said we had a "victim mentality". Discussing your past is different from having a "victim mentality". Its not as if we're just setting on self pity. We are discussing our past, which is healthy.

I completely agree with you Anthony, I by no means consider myself a victim and if you (Sarcinarious Joe) were to meet me in person you would not have the slightest uncling that I have a troubled past.

Discussing and processing our lives is not a cry for attention or pity, it is as Anthony said....healthy....and if anyone should understand compassion and empathy then I believe it is the Indigo's.

My focus is my present and future self...I have let go of all the baggage of my past.....that is not my purpose here, I am not a victim.

[Bunneh]

I think you guys will find that Joe was refering to something I said about my own role as a victim. And that she was me referencing me... so please don't take her out of context.