This Is Me Eating My Words...

[Silverhaze]

This is carry over from my thread My Only Reoccurring Dream

http://indigosociety.com/my-only-reo...tml#post164297


I came to this conclusion:

I think I know now...

I've been seeing darkness ahead for my loves... and I've been a bit worried...

but now I understand. I'm the middle person. I'm the one holding onto the light for everyone.

I need to shine.
I will be their light like they have always been mine.

However I was wrong. Not that this is not something that I am meant to do. Wrong that it was what the dream meant...

The real meaning came to me... and now I've got something to work through...
I need to write all of this out or else it's going to pick at me and pick at me.

If anyone takes the time to read it all I would value your opinion

So here goes:

I'm with my twin soul and we are running... well actually it starts out we are running and the further along into the dream he is more like dragging me.

We are looking for someone, possibly more than one someone I'm not to sure, but we are running way to fast to see anyone. Everything around us is a blur and we just seem to go faster and faster. I want to slow down so that we can actually find who we are searching for but I can't seem to communicate. My twin gets more and more distraught and just pulls me along faster and faster. We go all over. Even though I can't see anything but blurred colors around me I know when we are around places I know and when we are in places I do not know. I can also sometimes feel our friends or other siblings around us, but I can't see them only feel them for a brief second before we are past them.

My Interpretation

This dream has came up because I was suppressing some anger toward him.
Lately he has been so disconnected from everything. He usually only puts himself down and has no direction in life. He stuck in his own mental prison.
It is hard to see him like that, because he is the one who saved me from my own prison my own personal hell. He taught me to believe in myself no matter what and he believed in me.
But now he doesn't believe in himself and he can't stand the fact that I do still believe in him. He can't stand the idea of how I see him. I think he may even feel that can't live up to the person I believe he is.
I try to help him to see the things that he has already taught me. But he won't listen just like in the dream I can't get through to him. He is running full speed with no direction and he's dragging me along with him.
Just like in the dream.
I didn't realize it until now... but I know in the back of my mind I've felt this way for a while.
I want to help him but he won't let me.

This is where I am stuck.

He doesn't know about our twin soul connection and I'm not suppose to tell him... at least not yet. I know this but not how but it is something he has to discover for himself.
He is open minded but not really Awake yet.
I don't know how to approach him. Usually I'm direct and to the point but to explain that we have a connection like this and that he pulls me down with him...

It's not even that. I don't care if he pulls me down to. I can keep my head above water now.
It's him. I don't want him to spend years stuck in depression. I don't want him to hurt.
I love him to much. His pain is my pain. When he's lost I'm lost.
It is hard enough living a part like this. I have a hard time staying focused when he's not around. I can be happy alone but not as happy...

He'll be moving back soon. Less than a month but I don't know what it will be like.
If he needs to go through this alone... I'm not sure how that would work in my heart, my soul and my mind we are One connected and what ever he has to go through I go through too even if it is from a distance watching and waiting and suffering with him

This happened before in high school once
He needed his space to figure things out but I couldn't figure out how to cut myself off and in the end he ended up very angry at me and I had to watch from a distance and just tolerate not only his lost state of being but his sadness and his new found anger at me
it was agony

I'm stronger now and I can differentiate the emotions but I can't block them completely out without making myself physically sick
when I try to break this connection completely I get headaches, and nausea and I have so little energy

Recently I started to feel this darkness ahead of us, not only him and me but three other soulmates... the strange thing is I didn't really feel anything bad for me just them and through my connection with them

I made a promise to be the light in the dark and intend to keep that promise
I'm just worried what if I can't?
What will happen then if I surrender to the darkness too?
it almost killed me last time
it took all of them to pull only me out
will I be able to guide them all out?

And what will happen if I don't?

I realize now that this dream and the nightmares that followed it are from my fear.
I'm scared.

I am hardly ever scared, but right now I am terrified of that darkness.
For the first time in a long time I don't know what I should do.

[Agaliarept]

You say he is not "awakened" but maybe its a communication from him showing you what he is experiencing. Since it seems your struggling for him to find the fastest path, try slowing down on the subject.
Or allowing a pause where he can slow down and really build a mental picture of comprehension

[Satisfiction]

Hey there gorgeous girl. Thank you for being so expressive in yourself, for in your expression, you not only sort out your own head, but stimulate others, both to pray and think of you and your situation and also, help others understand what also might be through them. So thank you, you are a brave warrior.

You have spoken of your twin soul connection a lot, it clearly is the closest thing to your heart. But at the same time, I know you understand that you have your path and he has his. You can not walk his path, and he can not walk yours. Sometimes you can and will walk side by side, but you are still walking your own paths.

Thinking in this way, I am a little alarmed that you would consider going back into the darkness. Despite your twin connection, you know this is a bad idea. If it is not your path to go there then you should not. As much as it is painful to watch the other person go there, you can not walk their path for them. If he does not want to listen to you, or take your advice, that is his choice. And any amount of pushing him to try and get him to listen is only going to propel him in the other direction even more.

Part of loving him fully, as a twin flame, being able to let him walk his own both. You love him so much you are willing to let him go. You do not let the love go, but you let him go and do his own thing. If you can not do this, then it is not unconditional love that you feel for him. And you will need to work towards a place where you can love him completely unconditionally.

Many loves and hugs

[bluewaterdance]

What a painful conflict.

When you say moving back do you mean coming to live in the same town or moving back in with you?

[Silverhaze]

Hey there gorgeous girl. Thank you for being so expressive in yourself, for in your expression, you not only sort out your own head, but stimulate others, both to pray and think of you and your situation and also, help others understand what also might be through them. So thank you, you are a brave warrior.

You have spoken of your twin soul connection a lot, it clearly is the closest thing to your heart. But at the same time, I know you understand that you have your path and he has his. You can not walk his path, and he can not walk yours. Sometimes you can and will walk side by side, but you are still walking your own paths.

Thinking in this way, I am a little alarmed that you would consider going back into the darkness. Despite your twin connection, you know this is a bad idea. If it is not your path to go there then you should not. As much as it is painful to watch the other person go there, you can not walk their path for them. If he does not want to listen to you, or take your advice, that is his choice. And any amount of pushing him to try and get him to listen is only going to propel him in the other direction even more.

Part of loving him fully, as a twin flame, being able to let him walk his own both. You love him so much you are willing to let him go. You do not let the love go, but you let him go and do his own thing. If you can not do this, then it is not unconditional love that you feel for him. And you will need to work towards a place where you can love him completely unconditionally.

Many loves and hugs

Thank You.

[Silverhaze]

What a painful conflict.

When you say moving back do you mean coming to live in the same town or moving back in with you?

Moving back to the same town which means he'll most likely be around me all the time.

Like Satisfiction was saying about seperate paths... the reason it will be hard is because he will be close to me again. Although I understand the need for our seperate paths... he doesn't

hey has no true idea about our connection and he'll push himself on me and the pull away and then be depedent on me and then be completely independent to the point that he won't listen to anyone...

He wants my help, he needs my help and then he pushes it away when I offer it.

The ones closest to me are about to go through some hard times and I need to be a supporting cast member... I just worry what exactly the impact is going to be on me when it comes to him.

[Satisfiction]

The ones closest to me are about to go through some hard times and I need to be a supporting cast member... I just worry what exactly the impact is going to be on me when it comes to him.

Can I just rephrase this to say that you may well be a supporting cast member in your friends/family's lives BUT you are always the leading lady in your own show! Never, ever forget that.

[Satisfiction]

LOL... I just had the imagery of everyones lives being represented by a car, each driving a different path.

An individual car has individual choice with where they are going to drive. And while they can also encourage others to join them, they can not control how or where people are driving. There are some roads that might seem dangerous, some will chose this road and some will not.

On highways, while cars are headed in the same direction, along side each other, or behind each other, they are never in exactly the same place at the same time . Why? Because there would be a crash! Keep in your own lane buddy!

/the author realises this analog is flawed and also does not like using cars in an analogy. She just liked the concept of two lanes going in the same direction and staying in your own lane

[Silverhaze]

Once again Thank You Satisfiction

I know I am the supporting lady in my life. But... well I was one of those be your own parent kids and I was my brothers mommy

and sometimes... it get those motherly or older sister feelings... I'd do anything for them they are my family my real family

and for me knowing that they are about to head into darkness... it's hard not being able to do anything...

Sometimes in my mind we are all together no matter how far apart we are everything affects us all just like a family

I put them first. I want them to be happy. That makes me happy. My dream is to see them fulfill their dreams.

I guess that is why I speak that way.

[Silverhaze]

also I thought your analogy was good

[Satisfiction]

I know I am the supporting lady in my life. But... well I was one of those be your own parent kids and I was my brothers mommy

Freudian slip?

*hugs* for the leading lady

[Silverhaze]

yup lol... geeze...

[Silverhaze]

Recently I started to feel this darkness ahead of us, not only him and me but three other soulmates... the strange thing is I didn't really feel anything bad for me just them and through my connection with them

I made a promise to be the light in the dark and intend to keep that promise
I'm just worried what if I can't?
What will happen then if I surrender to the darkness too?
it almost killed me last time
it took all of them to pull only me out
will I be able to guide them all out?
.

I remembered this thread earlier today. We were sitting in his room and he was having on of his horrible 'hate myself' days and so I was letting him mope and trying to get some last minute math homework out of the way, but my mind wondered to this instead.

I had all but forgotten my own prophecy or should I say half of it. I've watched my sister descend into darkness in the short time since I originally posted this thread. I've posted a few more about her and those issues since then and I've come to terms with what I can do for her and that isn't much but I'm keeping my promise to her, and now I'm focusing on what I can help and that is him.

I just wanted to re post on here to record that I am keeping my promise I am holding up the light and even if I can't help them all at once and even if there isn't much I can do for my sister right now. I'm still here and I'm still fighting for our families light one love at a time.

[StillSane]

Well, I think if he is not awake yet then he still sees LOVE in the lust way, which explains the detachment. Emotional waters are turbulent, and it's easy to get stuck in them. One has to clear and silence the air above to calm it. It could be a test for you to pass... I also think the term twin flame has caused alot of emotional attachment to an outcome. How big a storm can you overcome? Everytime you feel fear, it's there as a reminder to get stronger.