How do you deal with it when someone that you care about rejects you?

[Amethyst]

.....

[sshenry]

First of all, Amethyst, a hug for you....because I know that you must be hurting *hug*.

But before you make the assumption that his failure to respond is a reaction to you....you need to take into consideration that there may have been something that happened on his end, totally unrelated to your email, to prevent him from replying to you. Have you seen him online since? Have you had any sort of contact? Because while it is true that many men do not respond well to emotional outbursts (I didn't say ALL men, gentlemen, just MANY) for him to go completely silent seems a bit odd.

That aside, and providing that it was indeed in reaction to your email, if he is that easily put off, then he isn't worth your time....if he reacted to your email this way, imagine what he would have done in person? You're better off dear one, just consider it a lesson learned.

[Onlooker]

Aside from what sshenry has already said.... sometimes men will say nothing instead of saying anything for the sake of saying something, he may yet respond. If it were me I'd email again and say 'I haven't heard from you for a while, are you OK?' just a neutral email with neutral info in it and see if he responds, that way he can reply to that instead of to an emotional email he may not know how to deal with.
He hasn't necessarily betrayed your trust cos you don't know the reason for his lack of response, give him a bit more time and see if he gets back to you after another email, if he doesn't, you just have to write him off as a friend I'm afraid. It hurts, you've had your trust & confidence knocked, but there are lots of other people online who you can talk to and will reply to your emails - don't let it stop you making friends with people in the future

[Indigo Dog]

Dear A,
Now is the perfect time to take care of just yourself. You should have all the space and time you need to grieve and let the pain out of your system. Relying on another to make you happy, meet all your needs and give you love can be a tricky path. Give yourself the attention you wanted from him. I mean, take yourself out to dinner, buy yourself something pretty and surround yourself with people who adore you. Healing a broken heart goes a lot faster if you get out and meet new and interesting people. Also do a cleansing ritual of some kind to sever any unhealthy attatchments that may be holding you back.
virtual hug and cookie to you.

[Quiet Knight]

I have to agree with what has been said so far.

You don't know if this person has even received your email, there has been lots of goofy things going on lately. I lost contact with friends when Windows Live updated software a few months or more ago, only a few emails coming through from them, and never realized I was not getting 99% of what they were sending, and in the end no emails at all. Things are fixed mostly now, but emails are now dropping off again, so ???

I easily become emotionally attach to people, and I am easily hurt too, not a fun life.
If this has happened, it is not easy to over come at times, and I guess the worst part of it is, you can do nothing about. I guess that feeling of having no control over the situation is really scary.

I find that when it happens, all you can do it walk away, and the pain will just need time to fade away, it never really completely goes away. It is hard to patch the hole in our emotions and self, after something or someone has been ripped from us. I don't know of any more painful experience then to have someone reject you, after you thought they cared and or loved you.

It was hard to see my first wife, my first love leave me, because she wanted more sex and decided to have multi partners to accomplish it. She was in pain too, she kept hoping to get pregnant so she would have a reason to stay, but looking back, that is a bad reason.

But one has to reason, it was not your fault, and it is normally everything about them and what was going on in there heads.

I would not cut someone loose, unless I felt I was being abused and taken advantage of and my words would mean nothing; but surely everyone should be told why, either before or after.

Really no amount of advice can really help, the real help has to come from within, and from above. For me, when things are bad, when I pray for help and deliverance from the pain, it comes when I am ready to receive it.

Time does heal all wounds and pain, it is just hard to see that when you are in the mist of it. I find that time and new relationship, are the best answers for me. One does not want to jump back into a relationship too soon, need to clear ones head and see what happened first. I have found that the only way to really make the pain to go away, is to fill the void with the love and attention from another loving and caring person in my life.

[Amethyst]

First of all, Amethyst, a hug for you....because I know that you must be hurting *hug*.

But before you make the assumption that his failure to respond is a reaction to you....you need to take into consideration that there may have been something that happened on his end, totally unrelated to your email, to prevent him from replying to you. Have you seen him online since? Have you had any sort of contact? Because while it is true that many men do not respond well to emotional outbursts (I didn't say ALL men, gentlemen, just MANY) for him to go completely silent seems a bit odd.

That aside, and providing that it was indeed in reaction to your email, if he is that easily put off, then he isn't worth your time....if he reacted to your email this way, imagine what he would have done in person? You're better off dear one, just consider it a lesson learned.

Thanks for the hugs and support sshenry, I needed a hug.

I have seen him online since and he has my contact details, it's ok, people come and go...that's life sometimes. I accept it. I think I feel embarrassed and regret for the things that I wrote in the email, so got to forgive myself.

Yes, it is a lesson learned!

[Amethyst]

Aside from what sshenry has already said.... sometimes men will say nothing instead of saying anything for the sake of saying something, he may yet respond. If it were me I'd email again and say 'I haven't heard from you for a while, are you OK?' just a neutral email with neutral info in it and see if he responds, that way he can reply to that instead of to an emotional email he may not know how to deal with.
He hasn't necessarily betrayed your trust cos you don't know the reason for his lack of response, give him a bit more time and see if he gets back to you after another email, if he doesn't, you just have to write him off as a friend I'm afraid. It hurts, you've had your trust & confidence knocked, but there are lots of other people online who you can talk to and will reply to your emails - don't let it stop you making friends with people in the future

Thank you for the advice Onlooker,

I will not let the past make me stop making firends, though I do need to make sure that I do not lose trust in men or faith that I will meet a guy that is right for me one day (I have lost trust and faith a few times), who won't run if I get emotional sometimes (though I know that I have to manage my emotions better, so something for me to work on). I also know that, if a guy does not want that in his life, that is understandable, it's his life.

I'm trying to be positive about it!

So, yes, I do need people, and need to not close my heart, or put a wall up around me (which I have done sometimes) I need to open and keep my heart open, and meet the right people for me.

[Amethyst]

Dear A,
Now is the perfect time to take care of just yourself. You should have all the space and time you need to grieve and let the pain out of your system. Relying on another to make you happy, meet all your needs and give you love can be a tricky path. Give yourself the attention you wanted from him. I mean, take yourself out to dinner, buy yourself something pretty and surround yourself with people who adore you. Healing a broken heart goes a lot faster if you get out and meet new and interesting people. Also do a cleansing ritual of some kind to sever any unhealthy attatchments that may be holding you back.
virtual hug and cookie to you.

Thank you for your advice Indigo Dog, and hug and cookie (yum, chocolate chip!)

I do need to learn to love myself, I need a balance, to love myself, be kind to myself, treat myself, and to be around loving people, who value me...

I am going away, traveling, for a few months next week, first time away from my family, for that long, and am going to make sure I socialise, meet new lovely people, and have some adventures and some fun!

I also am going to go for lots of walks in nature, and try and spend some of that time in self-healing.

[Amethyst]

I have to agree with what has been said so far.

You don't know if this person has even received your email, there has been lots of goofy things going on lately. I lost contact with friends when Windows Live updated software a few months or more ago, only a few emails coming through from them, and never realized I was not getting 99% of what they were sending, and in the end no emails at all. Things are fixed mostly now, but emails are now dropping off again, so ???

I easily become emotionally attach to people, and I am easily hurt too, not a fun life.
If this has happened, it is not easy to over come at times, and I guess the worst part of it is, you can do nothing about. I guess that feeling of having no control over the situation is really scary.

I find that when it happens, all you can do it walk away, and the pain will just need time to fade away, it never really completely goes away. It is hard to patch the hole in our emotions and self, after something or someone has been ripped from us. I don't know of any more painful experience then to have someone reject you, after you thought they cared and or loved you.

It was hard to see my first wife, my first love leave me, because she wanted more sex and decided to have multi partners to accomplish it. She was in pain too, she kept hoping to get pregnant so she would have a reason to stay, but looking back, that is a bad reason.

But one has to reason, it was not your fault, and it is normally everything about them and what was going on in there heads.

I would not cut someone loose, unless I felt I was being abused and taken advantage of and my words would mean nothing; but surely everyone should be told why, either before or after.

Really no amount of advice can really help, the real help has to come from within, and from above. For me, when things are bad, when I pray for help and deliverance from the pain, it comes when I am ready to receive it.

Time does heal all wounds and pain, it is just hard to see that when you are in the mist of it. I find that time and new relationship, are the best answers for me. One does not want to jump back into a relationship too soon, need to clear ones head and see what happened first. I have found that the only way to really make the pain to go away, is to fill the void with the love and attention from another loving and caring person in my life.

Thank you quietnight, for sharing,

I can get emotionally attached to men that show care, especially if their is a mutual attraction. I think it relates to what I missed as a child, from my father, and it kind of left a hole. It's understandable why I feel the way I do, but Iv'e got to try and do my best anyway, regardless of the past.

I know, and have known for years, that a loving relationship will be extremely healing for me, not that I expect it to be perfect, and not have ups and downs, but I see nothing more healing than someone who wants me and cares deeply for me, and loves me (flaws and all) and gives me nice warm, loving, huggs.

I guess when I find this, I will be truly grateful!

In the meantime, got to get on with my life, and just process the pain, cry, I have been this morning.

Also, it has been a time when other people that I cared for, well, we are no longer in contact, and some of it is their stuff too.

So, I will be staying on IS, cause I need people, and connection.

I'll get there, oneday, to that right place inside of me, and be happier, got to stay positive about the future, and do the best with now.

[Quiet Knight]

Thank you quietnight, for sharing,

I can get emotionally attached to men that show care, especially if their is a mutual attraction. I think it relates to what I missed as a child, from my father, and it kind of left a hole. It's understandable why I feel the way I do, but I've got to try and do my best anyway, regardless of the past.

I know, and have known for years, that a loving relationship will be extremely healing for me, not that I expect it to be perfect, and not have ups and downs, but I see nothing more healing than someone who wants me and cares deeply for me, and loves me (flaws and all) and gives me nice warm, loving, huggs.

I guess when I find this, I will be truly grateful!

In the meantime, got to get on with my life, and just process the pain, cry, I have been this morning.

Also, it has been a time when other people that I cared for, well, we are no longer in contact, and some of it is their stuff too.

So, I will be staying on IS, cause I need people, and connection.

I'll get there, oneday, to that right place inside of me, and be happier, got to stay positive about the future, and do the best with now.

Going on with life, no matter what is hard, very hard, but one has to do it survive. My first left me, wanted more men and sex, my second wife was abusive and I finally left her after 17 years, and the third wife is good. I guess the third time was the charm, and I was getting to old to be alone and way too old to get married and go through another divorce.

I do not deal with living alone, it drives me insane. I am ok if someone is there though. I have realized that I was so close to the Savior and my sibling in heaven before coming down here, that I don't handle being alone, I need the family situation to feel ok.

I don't like being trapped by it, but then that is just life for me, just like being a hypersensitive and a Morphic empathic; package deal I guess.

I don't envy those who have to be alone and really don't like it, or can't handle it, I have been there.

[Onlooker]

Amethyst you sound like you already have the emotional intelligence to deal with this, though the pain doesn't get easier. I'm glad you have us lot to talk to about it though. Chin up hun, you're not alone