That one "friend" trying to hold you back from succeeding in life.

Need advice on something? We're here to help. Ask away!
I noticed that threads about psychic/Emotional vampires are many in numbers here on IS. But there's one sub-type of psychic vampirism you haven't talked about (at least specifically).

I am talking about the hardest of them all to get rid of, because they are a part of your life due to actually being positive for you in the beginning, slowly becoming a close friend. Eventually the relationship evolves into a repeating circle where your "friend" demotivates and makes you believe you can't achieve stuff (work related or otherwise), as if they can't stand watching a friend doing well, so they have to drag you into their own miserable way of living.

I have had two people in the past that fits this category of vampirism, and it seems like the only solution that worked well was to stop being around them, despite how much they beg you to stay. It's sad when what used to be a good friendship needs to end, but this is the only way to solve a situation like this (as far as I know).

Where am I going with this? Well... I just realized a friend of mine is a classic example of a close psychic vampire. My question is: According to your experience. What other solution works ... that doesn't involve getting rid of him, because I do care much about this person as he has helped me in the past MANY times(and i know the fact that he's been supportive in the past will be used as an excuse for him to re-establish the friendship again).


User avatar
geostigma
 
Posts: 287
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2012 5:07 pm
Has thanked: 27 times
Been thanked: 107 times

The only way I see, Is to help him be more positive about his own life.
Or,help him out with some of the major things holding HIM back.
Your friend, Is probably just scared you'll not want to be his friend anymore.
Especially If your doing THAT much better than him.
Kinda like when a girlfriend/boyfriend starts to get all clingy when they are scared of losing you.
Have you asked the person how they have been doing lately?That sort of thing??
IDK, thats just my take on it.
"If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are."
User avatar
SoundSleeper
 
Posts: 1047
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 7:02 am
Has thanked: 194 times
Been thanked: 221 times

I have had a friend like this in the past. Luckily things naturally drifted apart, well she moved three provinces away. Recently ive decided to cut ties with a friend i had in school who's boyfriend seems to think im incapable of intelligent thought because of my beliefs and lifestyle. I went through a few months of intense guilt because i thought there was something wrong with me because i couldnt handle that person. It took me a while to accept that there is nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with deciding who is in my life. Its not wrong, its not right, its just what is, and i want my life filled with people who lift me up and that i can love unconditionally in return. I know you said you didnt want to be rid of him but i dunno what else i can say.... In a perfect world it would be great to be able to trump any negative energy with your good vibes and or be able to attract only the like minded into your life and anything that isnt harmonizing with your frequency just goes away.
Sarahinthesky
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2012 8:12 pm
Been thanked: 2 times

In a perfect world it would be great to be able to trump any negative energy with your good vibes and or be able to attract only the like minded into your life and anything that isnt harmonizing with your frequency just goes away.
They have to know why one way or another. Words don't seem to work, maybe experience? This seems to be human nature, and it magnifies with each slight, insignificant step of perceived progress; except when you don't follow the norm of controlling, reducing and manipulating people as easy as breathing like they do then you'll find time after time - people are a real drag to carry with, they maneuver logic with precision. Or they use your weaknesses to their advantage and drain the life right out of you.
TheStrengthOfWe
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:46 am
Has thanked: 29 times
Been thanked: 10 times

don't hold on to negative people.

friends come and go.
User avatar
silvercharm
 
Posts: 2349
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2012 3:30 pm
Blogs: 11
Has thanked: 118 times
Been thanked: 265 times

It is you that was sent to help them, your desire to achieve so much has left you a friend less instead... I mean if you knew better than them, how come you couldn't tell them the way it is... If then they choose not change toward you in keeping a friendship, then it's their loss, and not yours. You can learn from a vampire because all life has an intelligence behind it. Greedy people are always out to get something, does this not make you a vampire aswel?
Odin
 
Posts: 2190
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2010 6:03 pm
Blogs: 48
Has thanked: 400 times
Been thanked: 297 times

It is you that was sent to help them, your desire to achieve so much has left you a friend less instead... I mean if you knew better than them, how come you couldn't tell them the way it is...
Maybe they don't understand. It's not wrong to want to achieve and realize that certain people are holding you back from making positive steps...
TheStrengthOfWe
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:46 am
Has thanked: 29 times
Been thanked: 10 times

" wrote:Maybe they don't understand. It's not wrong to want to achieve and realize that certain people are holding you back from making positive steps...


Maybe you dont understand..
Theres a reason you have a friend like that in the first place.
At some level, a person has to share a common bond with someone to even become friends in the first place.Or..thrive off the feeling of superiority that you get,by feeling better than your "friend".
All mammalian relationship's in nature can be broken down into participating with a form of symbiosis.
Who do you know of..outside of family, that would stick around..
If something shameful happened to you???
Would It be your competitive co-workers that would worry about their own reputation..???
Or a friend that's having a rough time themselves??
Some people are eternally selfish and will show their true face to you in due time..
More than likely at the worse possible moment.
Yes, your better off without the mean ones.
But sometimes, your just steppin on the little guy, on the way to the top of your own pyramid.
"If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are."
User avatar
SoundSleeper
 
Posts: 1047
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 7:02 am
Has thanked: 194 times
Been thanked: 221 times

" wrote:don't hold on to negative people.

friends come and go.


This.

The whole first part of the OP describes EXACTLY a long term friendship of mine that I had to let go of awhile ago. She was very positive in the beginning...and the weird part is she didn't have a "miserable way of living" herself at all. But something about our connection dissolved and for whatever reason, whenever I talked to her I felt drained and upset. She had a way of saying things to me that always seemed like she was judging me. Maybe she didn't mean it that way, but I couldn't talk to her about it either without it being more negative. It got to a point where I felt intimidated and stressed even trying to talk to her so I just stopped... I was hoping maybe she'd reach out to me but she never did. It's been over a year now since we talked, I think.

You know the really weird part too? I wrote her this long (handwritten) 3 page letter...I got all my feelings out, was honest about everything she ever made me feel and why I stopped talking to her (in a kind, non confrontational sort of way)...and as soon as I wrote it all I felt better. I was planning on sending it to her, I even had it addressed and everything and every time I was going to walk to the mailbox with it I just stood there, frozen. And it wasn't a fear sort of frozen, it was like everything in my intuition was telling me NO. DO NOT SEND THIS TO HER. I'm not sure if she would've reacted negatively, or if it just wouldn't have done any good, or if she and I, for whatever reason, just aren't meant for each other anymore. But I trust my gut.

It all comes down to this: people change. Years ago I'd never have thought I'd be where I am now with this girl. We had soo much in common. Over time she changed a lot and slowly became less and less of a match for me, personality or lifestyle wise. But it's hard to let go when things were so good in the beginning, and I think that's how relationships become draining for a lot of people. The relationship itself can be an energy vampire, even if the person doesn't mean to be.

I wish I could tell you some other plan to fix these sort of relationships when they turn negative, but in my experience nothing really works other than letting the person go. They will change and come back into your life if they're meant to. If not, just wish them well and carry on.
User avatar
climbing
 
Posts: 4086
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:47 am
Has thanked: 755 times
Been thanked: 1408 times

I agree with climbing. There's just one point I was really trying to make.. Make sure your your doing the right thing, before you write someone off.
Ya,know??
Maybe its not fixable, but you never know..Maybe it is. In the same position, I'd trust my gut. Talk to the person about the issues's your having with them. And go from there. I regret never having a conversation with my best friend, about why we don't talk anymore. Been over a year now. She was on a different path than me. Sometimes it is what it is. But I believe, it doesn't always have to be that way.
"If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are."
User avatar
SoundSleeper
 
Posts: 1047
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 7:02 am
Has thanked: 194 times
Been thanked: 221 times

" wrote:Maybe you dont understand..
Theres a reason you have a friend like that in the first place.
At some level, a person has to share a common bond with someone to even become friends in the first place.Or..thrive off the feeling of superiority that you get,by feeling better than your "friend".
All mammalian relationship's in nature can be broken down into participating with a form of symbiosis.
Who do you know of..outside of family, that would stick around..
If something shameful happened to you???
Would It be your competitive co-workers that would worry about their own reputation..???
Or a friend that's having a rough time themselves??
Some people are eternally selfish and will show their true face to you in due time..
More than likely at the worse possible moment.
Yes, your better off without the mean ones.
But sometimes, your just steppin on the little guy, on the way to the top of your own pyramid.

You're right, I don't understand your response to my comment. It's no secret that some people hold you back, that's 101.
TheStrengthOfWe
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:46 am
Has thanked: 29 times
Been thanked: 10 times

my response was both for and against..
How did you not understand that??
Its usually a situational thing.
And sometimes subjective opinion of what/ or who is negative in general may be clouding the truth of the matter.
"If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are."
User avatar
SoundSleeper
 
Posts: 1047
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 7:02 am
Has thanked: 194 times
Been thanked: 221 times

" wrote:my response was both for and against..
How did you not understand that??
Its usually a situational thing.
And sometimes subjective opinion of what/ or who is negative in general may be clouding the truth of the matter.

An extrovert I take it? The Devil's in the details you know. It's like you're putting words in my mouth and then arguing with your own assumptions. You've not said one thing that I disagree with, but my comment is a universal truth. "Maybe" implies either/or, I never said it was one way only. I've always said we're all just a bag of circumstances, but at the end of the day, if I feel like you have a negative impact on my life and I evaluate it as such - then it's in my best interest to cut those ties. Life's too short. If it can be worked out, then all the better (it'll probably end up being a better friendship through it all). Sometimes it takes making a step back so people can see what you've grown into or vice versa. Then, maybe things can start getting better.
TheStrengthOfWe
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:46 am
Has thanked: 29 times
Been thanked: 10 times

I can be an extrovert and and introvert.lol
I go with my instincts alot.
Im a Libra, my perspective is subjective to seeing almost everything as a two way street.
I've been on both sides of this equation in real life.So I can't help but be sympathetic to both.
"If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are."
User avatar
SoundSleeper
 
Posts: 1047
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 7:02 am
Has thanked: 194 times
Been thanked: 221 times

I agree. Just keep your self goes on I think.
User avatar
franceschaM
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:45 am


  • Similar Topics

    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to index page Personal Advice

Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests