please hep, anyone

Hello all. Where to start. I am at a trying time in my life and i thought id look for help here in an effort to reduce some of the suffering of being in this world. I'll start with some background so those willing to help can have some understanding.
There's a lot of things I'm not sure of; why I'm here, want i want to do with my life, but there's one thing I'm very certain of, my love and desire to connect with animals. I was born with it, its almost like an instinct. As a child i looked up to animals. I wanted to BE like them. i would walk around in all fours, bark, roar all types of things. I'm sure many other kids did things like this but i took it very seriously. 

As a child I struggled in school. The teachers said I had a learning disability and I was in "extra help" classes all throughout grade school. In kindergarten, i couldn't focus at all, i was always fantasizing, daydreaming and pondering. 

After i turned 12 i began suffering from severe anxiety. I was very paranoid and scared all the time. It was miserable, there were times i would forget to eat because my mind was so preoccupied. Its important to note that i believe my sudden bout of anxiety was brought on by medication. I began feeling like this after receiving a Gardisil vaccine. I believe this vaccine may have been a reason for my deep anxiety through the years, my anxiety reduced but it was always a struggle. It eventually manifested itself in forms of OCD. 

In my early teenage years I had a revelation, I began seeing the world for what it was, and once i did, I felt this overwhelming passion to help the world, to bring the people together in unison and make people realize that we all need to take care of each other. I was deeply motivated by this.

I've recently had to face some very mentally trying times that put me through more anxiety then i could bare, this time it was worse because i actually had real reasons to be anxious about. Eventually i snapped. I couldn't do it anymore and attempted suicide. I knew there was hope and i could get help and people loved me but, i was tired. I wanted to go home. A lot of people say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and for many people I'm sure that's true. But it seems that every trying time i face makes me weaker an weaker. I felt as if i was too fragile for this world, that not everyone belonged here. I wanted to go home. 

Well obviously didn't kill myself, i called the cops on myself because i was feeling sick from all the pills i had taken And i did not want to die in pain. I figured they would take me to the hospital, pump my stomach and send me home. I didn't think they would send me to. mental hospital against my will,which is what they did. I learned a lot during my time in the hospital and am thankful for that experience. I met so many different people with addiction problems and who were victimized by their own minds. Being the youngest person there at 19, people were puzzled by my eistence there. Id here things like "your a normal girl, they must have made a mistake" or "your so quiet how'd you get in here?". 

Id like to say that being in the mental hospital was a big turning point and i got better but, i ant. I've been out of the hospital for a little under two months, i just turned 20 this year and im suffering. I can still go to class and family get together and put on a laugh or a smile but, i s still sobb almost everyday. I still get suicidal. The truth is, i dont understand this world, i thought i did but i dont, nothing makes sense and i still want to go home. I cant be honest about these things because i have a large family who loves me deeply. I play a big role in many peoples lives and i cant do that to them. They were all really shaken up by my suicide attempt and people just treat me differently. They patronize me and if im caught crying or dont seem super happy, they ask me if i took my medication rather than asking me whats wrong. 

I believe i may be an indigo child and have heard that these problems are common in us. If anyone has gone through similar things or could share some insight, it would be greatly appreciated

Re: please hep, anyone


Welcome to indigosociety :)

It seems to me that you are feeling very overwhelmed by life right now. Maybe it would help to tackle one problem at a time, rather than trying to deal with the whole world all at once.

Try and deal with one hour at a time and at the end of each hour reward yourself with something that delights you, then you always have something to look forward to.

The great thing about any advice is that it is given freely and can be taken freely also.

I should also mention the fact that I too communicate with animals, I write their messages as power animals.:)

Hope you have a beautiful day. :) :) :)

LOve cheeneka x

Re: please hep, anyone

yes, I understand some of what you are experiencing. I have a few questions if you are up to it, after which, and in the spirit of Carnac the Magnificent, the answer to your next question is 'yes'.

Do you, or are you able to connect with or speak with animals directly?  
Do You speak animal-speak, or understand them naturally?

Do you know what it feels like to imitate the movements of animals, how to run like them, hunt like them, or to flow through a forest or other places naturally like they do?

Can you tune into the senses of the animals around you?  

Can you see a flock of birds or other groups of animals as one being or spirit they are all parts of?

...Don't worry too much about the hospital stuff it isnt worth it, It's ok to feel good inside yourself, from the inside out, life is the natural state of being I'm trying to say and its ok to feel good while being.
"Death to the intellect! Long live death!" -Gonzalo Queipo de Llano

Re: please hep, anyone

Hello.   Lots of good input here, no need to repeat it.  At 18 had a experience hearing my mother scream from 18 miles away. I experimented too much and this led me to  ward for 3 months till I saw a lawyer, then was out in 3 days.   I believe they where bleeding the insurance money. Never went back. Only takes one Psy Doc to lock you up, so be carefull what you say. After getting out it helped me to have  something too focus on, something that you care about enough to attract all your attention. This will keep out or at least minimize the distracting thoughts that can be a issue and lead to erratic emotions.

Meds is a personal issue and I went without them for a long long time after a healing. Many, many people have had bad experiences from going cold turkey Off meds.  Its better to taper off them if you feel ready to do so.  Sometimes a small dosage is all that may be needed, where most places over medicate. Over medicating can impede creativity or the ability to work efficientlly or maybe spiritual gifts to some extent.  I have used 25mg of seroquel vs the std dosage of 300 to sometimes 400mg that is used. I keep some lorazapan/adivan around and use it like aspirin if I have a bad headache or tension.  It washes out of the body within a few hours. And also helps with feelings of being dissconnecetd.  Although some people Do get addicted to it.  I heard I could get 4 or 5 dollars for each pill.
Take Time to heal. It will come in stages.
Take Care and hang in there till you start swinging again
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