please hep, anyone

#1
Hello all. Where to start. I am at a trying time in my life and i thought id look for help here in an effort to reduce some of the suffering of being in this world. I'll start with some background so those willing to help can have some understanding.
background
There's a lot of things I'm not sure of; why I'm here, want i want to do with my life, but there's one thing I'm very certain of, my love and desire to connect with animals. I was born with it, its almost like an instinct. As a child i looked up to animals. I wanted to BE like them. i would walk around in all fours, bark, roar all types of things. I'm sure many other kids did things like this but i took it very seriously. 

As a child I struggled in school. The teachers said I had a learning disability and I was in "extra help" classes all throughout grade school. In kindergarten, i couldn't focus at all, i was always fantasizing, daydreaming and pondering. 

After i turned 12 i began suffering from severe anxiety. I was very paranoid and scared all the time. It was miserable, there were times i would forget to eat because my mind was so preoccupied. Its important to note that i believe my sudden bout of anxiety was brought on by medication. I began feeling like this after receiving a Gardisil vaccine. I believe this vaccine may have been a reason for my deep anxiety through the years, my anxiety reduced but it was always a struggle. It eventually manifested itself in forms of OCD. 

In my early teenage years I had a revelation, I began seeing the world for what it was, and once i did, I felt this overwhelming passion to help the world, to bring the people together in unison and make people realize that we all need to take care of each other. I was deeply motivated by this.

I've recently had to face some very mentally trying times that put me through more anxiety then i could bare, this time it was worse because i actually had real reasons to be anxious about. Eventually i snapped. I couldn't do it anymore and attempted suicide. I knew there was hope and i could get help and people loved me but, i was tired. I wanted to go home. A lot of people say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and for many people I'm sure that's true. But it seems that every trying time i face makes me weaker an weaker. I felt as if i was too fragile for this world, that not everyone belonged here. I wanted to go home. 

Well obviously didn't kill myself, i called the cops on myself because i was feeling sick from all the pills i had taken And i did not want to die in pain. I figured they would take me to the hospital, pump my stomach and send me home. I didn't think they would send me to. mental hospital against my will,which is what they did. I learned a lot during my time in the hospital and am thankful for that experience. I met so many different people with addiction problems and who were victimized by their own minds. Being the youngest person there at 19, people were puzzled by my eistence there. Id here things like "your a normal girl, they must have made a mistake" or "your so quiet how'd you get in here?". 

Id like to say that being in the mental hospital was a big turning point and i got better but, i ant. I've been out of the hospital for a little under two months, i just turned 20 this year and im suffering. I can still go to class and family get together and put on a laugh or a smile but, i s still sobb almost everyday. I still get suicidal. The truth is, i dont understand this world, i thought i did but i dont, nothing makes sense and i still want to go home. I cant be honest about these things because i have a large family who loves me deeply. I play a big role in many peoples lives and i cant do that to them. They were all really shaken up by my suicide attempt and people just treat me differently. They patronize me and if im caught crying or dont seem super happy, they ask me if i took my medication rather than asking me whats wrong. 

I believe i may be an indigo child and have heard that these problems are common in us. If anyone has gone through similar things or could share some insight, it would be greatly appreciated
2 x

Re: please hep, anyone

#2
Hello.

Welcome to indigosociety :)

It seems to me that you are feeling very overwhelmed by life right now. Maybe it would help to tackle one problem at a time, rather than trying to deal with the whole world all at once.

Try and deal with one hour at a time and at the end of each hour reward yourself with something that delights you, then you always have something to look forward to.

The great thing about any advice is that it is given freely and can be taken freely also.

I should also mention the fact that I too communicate with animals, I write their messages as power animals.:)

Hope you have a beautiful day. :) :) :)

LOve cheeneka x
2 x

Re: please hep, anyone

#3
Hello,
yes, I understand some of what you are experiencing. I have a few questions if you are up to it, after which, and in the spirit of Carnac the Magnificent, the answer to your next question is 'yes'.

Do you, or are you able to connect with or speak with animals directly?  
Do You speak animal-speak, or understand them naturally?

Do you know what it feels like to imitate the movements of animals, how to run like them, hunt like them, or to flow through a forest or other places naturally like they do?

Can you tune into the senses of the animals around you?  

Can you see a flock of birds or other groups of animals as one being or spirit they are all parts of?

...Don't worry too much about the hospital stuff it isnt worth it, It's ok to feel good inside yourself, from the inside out, life is the natural state of being I'm trying to say and its ok to feel good while being.
2 x
"Death to the intellect! Long live death!" -Gonzalo Queipo de Llano
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gonzalo_Queipo_de_Llano

Re: please hep, anyone

#4
Hi Sleepingindigo!

I am sorry to read that you are going through such difficult times! Trust me, you are not the only person going through this! I really want to help you since I can understand at least a bit how you are feeling :)
First of all, please dont comit suicide. Life is too valuable and people like us have an important role to play in this sick world that needs us so much. Trust me, once this is over, the rewards will be greater that this suffering. Also, there is ALWAYS a way! You are not condemed to suffer for the rest of your life if you can get yourself out of such situation. Even if we dont see answers or solutions at the moment, it doesnt mean they arent there. It means we are under a negative state that keeps us from seing the whole picture. I am very serious about this, keep this in mind :)
So I would like to give you some advice to try to help you out with your situation:

1. Do not let anyone medicate you under any circumstance. Medicine will likely get you addicted to it, shut off your spiritual powers and will only get you worse and not solve anything. I understand your loved ones want you to take your medicine, but they do not understand what it does. Please, if you love and care about yourself, do not medicate yourself.

2. Do not believe you are too fragile for this world or that you are a "victim" of this world. I know this can be hard... But our thoughts and beliefs have a huge impact in the way we experience our life. If we think we are fragile then we will become fragile and our suffering will be greater. If we think of ourselves as victims, this is what we are going to manifest. We really need to control our thoughts and beliefs (its our responsability). I am not saying this is easy! But if we make the decision and try to act according to it, we will start noticing a difference in the way we feel and act and also in our surroundings.

3. The truth is that we are stronger that normal people. When we heal and balance ourselves, we become strong, happy and powerful individuals. And this is what the world needs. The world needs people like us, but empowered. Try to hold this idea in your mind as much as you can. Try to picture in your mind the kind of person you want to become; happy, free, strong, living her/his passion and purpose... Imagine how good it feels! And if it feels so good then it means that there are enough reasons to go for it.

4. Try to avoid putting yourself in front of toxic people as much as you can. I know this can be hard if one lives with family and toxic people around. But try to find sometime alone, try to do this as much as possible. Also try to do things that make you feel better, even if they are small. Like listening to beautiful and soothening music, painting, meditating, daydreaming, walking in the nature, etc.

5. Try not to judge others and their actions but most importantly, try not to take ANYTHING personal. Not even the small things. This is because we are living in a sick world with sick people who usually judge others according to their own idea of themselves. If you dont understand or agree with what others do or say about you, just remember this is not about you, its about themselves. You cant change others, but you can help yourself if you really understand this. When you understand this completely you feel like a big weight is off your shoulders. You understand your only responsability is yourself. Let the sick people find their own way, just focus on who you are! You can be (and are) better than such sickness. Give them your understanding and compassion but dont grab their negativity and make it yours because its not about you. When someone criticizes or insults you, that person is doing so according to the part they hate about themselves. Has nothing to do with you. Remember, they are acting according the idea they have about themselves. This is very important and empowering once it is understood.

6. Sounds like you have absorbed too much negativity from this world and that you feel like its too much, its smashing your Spirit. First, remember you are a really powerful being. Second, it seems like you really need healing. You need to let go of that stuck negativity inside your body and mind. There are many healing methods; each method works best for each person. In my personal situation, the method that really worked for me when I was healing was EFT tapping. Took me some months. I still practice it from time to time but the difference between how I was and how I feel now is huge. No matter which healing method you chose, do heal! Do this as a gift for yourself. Do this as a loving act for yourself, for this will be for your own benefit and happiness.

7. If you believe in a higher Spirit power and Spirit guides, ask them for help! Do this with confidence that they can hear you and that they can help you if you let them. Try to develop your connection with the spirit world. If you learn how to trust them you wont feel lonely and scared anymore because you will trust that they will help you manifest the life that you want and help you become the person you deserve to be.

8. For the previous Spirit connection, it is of great help to have the third eye as open as possible. If you have been taking too much medication or if your diet is based on chemicals then chances are that your third eye is shut down... I do not know you but if such is the case, then a cleansing diet, meditation and contact with the nature can solve this. Meditating in the nature greatly opened my third eye few years ago while I was in a trip around South America. During that trip that I was trying to connect with nature as much as I could, my aura got strong and I could also easily see other people's auras, and read their emotions and many other things. Also I could easily manifest many things under that state. Its the state of being "connected" and not "stuck" or "blocked".

9. No matter what, try to follow your purpose and passion. It can seem crazy or scary and many people might tell you that you are only dreaming and that you need to do this and that... But remember, once you heal yourself, you have the power to follow your heart's desire that will lead you to happiness and fulfilment. Listen to your inner self, specially to your heart's feelings and go for it.

This is not an easy process! It takes time, decision, responsibility and commitment! This wont "fall from the sky one day". But if you get out of the negative state you are in, you will understand that it is way worth it and that you will have all the support you need.

Sorry for the long read! Hope this advice helps at least a bit and good luck and happiness to you! :)
2 x

Re: please hep, anyone

#5
Hello.   Lots of good input here, no need to repeat it.  At 18 had a experience hearing my mother scream from 18 miles away. I experimented too much and this led me to  ward for 3 months till I saw a lawyer, then was out in 3 days.   I believe they where bleeding the insurance money. Never went back. Only takes one Psy Doc to lock you up, so be carefull what you say. After getting out it helped me to have  something too focus on, something that you care about enough to attract all your attention. This will keep out or at least minimize the distracting thoughts that can be a issue and lead to erratic emotions.

Meds is a personal issue and I went without them for a long long time after a healing. Many, many people have had bad experiences from going cold turkey Off meds.  Its better to taper off them if you feel ready to do so.  Sometimes a small dosage is all that may be needed, where most places over medicate. Over medicating can impede creativity or the ability to work efficientlly or maybe spiritual gifts to some extent.  I have used 25mg of seroquel vs the std dosage of 300 to sometimes 400mg that is used. I keep some lorazapan/adivan around and use it like aspirin if I have a bad headache or tension.  It washes out of the body within a few hours. And also helps with feelings of being dissconnecetd.  Although some people Do get addicted to it.  I heard I could get 4 or 5 dollars for each pill.
Take Time to heal. It will come in stages.
Take Care and hang in there till you start swinging again
Tim
2 x
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