Intense urges

Lately Iv been expieriencing so many changes in myself it's driving me insane. All of the emotional and energetic shifts Iv done are starting to really fuel my inner rage. I have these intense and unbearable urges to change every aspect of my life. I'm sick of my life, I hate the constant pain I'm in. I hate watching everyone live the lives I wish I always had from behind a glass window. I hate the feeling of knowing I need to be doing something but not having a clue as to where to go to begin other than inside myself. But it's not enough, all the enlightenment Im getting of late and shifts in consciousness have me violently irritable. What the fuck is my purpose here? Why does every direction I even think about moving into I'm met with hopelessness and disgust. My doubts and negativity just won't quit and have me feeling so bitter. My guides/Angels keep telling me to calm down and keep faith and positive thinking but I can't it's such a struggle for me. I can't shake this excruciating feeling that I'm soo far behind on something. I look at the other indigos who found there way and prospering makes me feel so hopeless. My guides keep telling me to fulfill my purpose but what the fuck is my purpose?! One day they tell me to relax then when I finally listen to them they tell me I need to make changes as fast as possible. Argggh they drive me crazy. Through various means Iv been taken to the higher dimensions to be "taught" things. It truly is a wonderul place to learn about yourself and the universe as a whole. Manifesting things are instantaneous I can have anything I want right now up there, but why is it so slow here? Hell most of my manifestations never happen. I get that spiritual shifts in a person can usually drive them insane for the duration that it lasts but I feel I'm not budging an inch. Nothing is changing, some changes yes but it's happening at a snails pace and it's not good enough. I want it NOW. I'm tired of feeling like this. Sorry for the rant but I have no one in my life who could possibly understand what I'm going through they all think im losing it and I have nowhere to vent. Any thoughts on my situation. Hell I'll even take criticism if it highlights and brings up these annoying emotions so can take care of them.

:confused:Did I write this in my sleep? AlexS... hmm... guess not, but we're certainly of the same mind.

Here is some advice that I have received from my guides.

Indigo is the color of the 3rd eye chakra. Therefore, since that is "our color" we have an abundance of insight and a close connection with the higher order of things. We have concepts of how life should be - and a realistic perspective of what it actually is. The two don't fit, do they?

I think Indigos are souls who are disgruntled with the slow progress of humanity, so our "higher-ups" have sent us here for a lesson in patience. Earth-School is a lesson in limitations and it has all the energy of a puddle of sludge. We (our souls) are used to getting our way with instant and easy manifestation of intention, but here, we find ourselves running a marathon chest deep in a toxic pond. We have to slow down and have some sympathy and understanding for all the sleep-walkers who think that this toxic sludge pond is the way life is supposed to be.

Reach deeper and try to connect with the green energy of the heart. If you're having difficulty connecting with the sleep-walkers, consider how to serve Mother Earth.

I'm not saying that I'm "there" yet, merely passing on the advice that I've received.

The energy of my heart is in absolute turmoil, I had a chakra photo taken and it was tiny. More work needs to be done there. I'm a naturally diplomatic person and I try to compromise with everyone so a win/win can be achieved but people make it impossible. They walk all over me and speak over me like I'm talking nonsense. I think Iv almost given up on people. No I havent, but I'm pretty close. There are good people out there. If I'm sent here to learn patience then I'll be a saint by the end of this lifetime because people and life really are pushing it to the limits. I wish I had some stable clarity in my life right now. My thoutht and intentions are scattered and my sense of purpose is just non existent. I feel like such a failure. I wish my guides and angels actually spoke to me instead of communicating through numbers and life coincidences. Every time I think I'm all alone in this violent hopeless world they send me a sign somehow saying im not. Last month as i was thinking that I was walking in a busy street and the person in front of me shirt had "not alone" written in the back. Also sometimes i fall into despair when I feel nobody cares about anything I do they somewhere there's the message "we do". It's reassuring in the moment but it's not enough to fully convince me. I often think that they are dealing with a stubborn child (me) and often leave to take a breather. I wouldn't blame them. I guess the Mother Earth mindset feels better than "for the people" mindset because people plain suck.

I know this isn't a coincidence reading your post. Been getting signs from life and people to slow down. Divine time kind of thing. That's also my guides messages through numbers of late. Patience. Such an annoying word these days

For me, it required no effort to make first contact with my primary guide. Sorry, I wish I could tell you the techniques, but I don't know. My guide reached out to me when I developed the will to kill myself. That was 17 years ago.

But the communication is easy to me after all this time.

She says for your benefit: Just pray, not to anyone in particular, but put your thoughts and questions out into the universe and expect an answer from within you. Guides take many forms, from divinely appointed thought monitors (reference The Urantia Book) to telepathic E.T.'s (usually teachers, rather than guides) to other facets of your over-soul. It could be a past or future you. You from other life-dispensations. It could be Source itself. Never fear whomever or whatever contacts you. I have had some dark contact and light contact. They all have valuable lessons to teach.

Make severance contracts up front with them that if they should direct you into harm, they will no longer be welcomed in your life.

The economy of the universe of consciousness is based in the exchange of ideas and information, passed along with loving generosity. "They" want everyone connected to this network. The only thing you have to do is ask, expect, and trust yourself.

number 1: trust yourself
number 2: do you feel "trust" and confidence from your guide? If not ignore it. (usually you'll get a "hollow" or a bad vibe, trust "yourself" first, remember)
number 3: Do you now what you want? Focus on 1 thing at first, if you focus on many odds are you'll get none (if you chase two rabbits you will lose them both)
number 4: Do you guys know any people on a non broken site that you can talk to? Someone you trust?
Anyhow, I understand, I really do, am there from time to time myself. Wish I could help more.

I read about favorable and non favorable entities but at this point I don't think it really applies to me. Upon intense pondering today I realized I can't change things. Every avenue I attempt to take I get destroyed and my hard work falls to pieces every time everywhere. Family's disown me, friends always leave, connections drift off into nothingness and I'm all forgotten. These constant scenarios tell me over and over that im not important to anyone, the things I do don't matter in the slightest. My own mother locked me in an empty apartment with no food or water for days when I was 5yrs old. Everything I do is a reminder of how unimportant my life is, at least the current on Im living. The constant dissapointments have forced me to realize this and accept it. It truly is painful. I must let go of everything and let my inner self do the rest. Iv spent the day sobbing intensly. It makes sense, I can't change people or the world. I Must let go of it all. I wonder how I'll see the world after I clear these nasty emotions. It feels like my life was intentionally set up this way to get me to accept this ugly truth. But I wonder what will happen to me in the aftermath. When I accept ugly truths about myself I have a habit of wallowing in depression afterwards. These feelings are truly life crippling and I fear once I clear I won't be able to get up again. What will I do, where will I go, I don't know anything anymore. But face it I must, there is no going back. I don't have a choice in this. I can't go back to sleep, even when I was living in ignorance I was miserable. I can't stay still either life is bullying me in the direction forward so I must go foreward. It's where I want to go either way. Sigh........ These are going to be painful and difficult times for me. But nowhere near as painful as ignoring it. As for ET communications I hear that sharp ringing in the ears is a way they try to communicate with us. I acknowledge to them through my mind that I recieve their message but I don't know how to proceed to listen to figure out the message. I'm not too good at meditating either. Any ideas?

Welcome to "The Dark Night of the Soul". This is where the journey begins for all true seekers.
Educate yourself. Now that your life as a sleep-walker has been brutally torn apart, start reading and learning about the marvels of hidden and forbidden knowledge.

Listen to Coast To Coast AM.
If you haven't already, invest in a Kindle or some other E-reader.
Because you mention the ringing in the ears of ET communications, I recommend a book called "The Custodians" by Dolores Cannon. For all Indigos, I recommend, by the same author, "The Three Waves of Volunteers and the New Earth".

To break through the great deceptions of the modern age, start with the books by Zecharia Sitchin and Erich Von Daniken to learn how ET's have directly and illegally intervened in the natural evolution of our world. To learn how this same group of ET's are continuing to influence and interfere with our natural evolution, read Gerald Clarke's "The Anunnaki of Nibiru: Mankind's Forgotten Creators, Enslavers, Saviors and Hidden Architects of the New World Order".

These are merely suggestions. As you start to learn what's possible, your natural curiosity will lead you in the direction set out for you. Don't follow my path, follow only your own path. Still, Dolores Cannon is the BEST source of learning about what's possible as a starting point for your search.
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