Had i known what i know today I would never have come here to bother your lives in any way, the past being what it is, I can't change that. But I can try to move forward again with living, this is easier not knowing what i know today. I came here to heal, myself too, I'm not so sure I've accomplished anything positive for you with my sentiments but i am very grateful for having been able to meet some of you and enjoy so many moments of interesting conversation. That healed me more than anything, if anything ever could at all.
As it is today, the images haunting in memory fill me with nothing more than a bitter anger I haven't ever been able to resolve with any satisfaction other than through dissociative states. I'll admit its tempting, but I need to chew on that contentious candy bar of pain that's drizzled in unforgiveness and laced with justice nuts... and been ageing in my skeleton closet(s) for some 40 years. I am not at all grateful for the life that gift granted me, that would be illogical, not to mention insane, which I am anyway but the point is that when i came here I was in much the same frame of mind and struggling to remain. These past few years would have been so much more horrible without some of you in my world. You have my thanks, my respect, and admiration for being who you are and doing what you do.
That said, given the present circumstance I am in, our past, and all that has happened that i can't reasonably be expected to resolve, I no longer feel safe or that i can ever trust a human being again no matter what they say or do. I still love and care, same as always, but i've been pushed past the limits and now I'm really too creeped out to want much with people. I'm afraid the time of my being open, is now closing, and I'm sorry for that too, but you have my words to remember and I hope that you do.
I'll be okay, no werries, always, and yes, may you fare well in your journeys.