I remember that as a child, I received a letter from a teacher. She told me to give it to my parents and not to read it before. Well, what I did was that I read this letter...
The letter said that they wanted to call my parents attention because I had this "attention deficit disorder". My memory of this letter is a bit limited since this happened when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old.
This is a bit confusing to me. I did have and still have some of the "traits" of ADD. Yes, I have struggled in life because of my mind and my personality; but there is something else.
I read some of the symptoms of ADD and I recognized myself in some of them. But then, I know of some "normal" people who have similar struggles...
But I also remember that I was smart as a kid; a deep observer, wise for my age and multitalented. I never thought of myself as a mentally-challenged person although I did feel somehow "different" in my way of living. For some reason I didnt feel this natural connection with other people (kids or adults) in general. So, I was a bit odd.
They said: You never pay attention in classes, you are always looking outside, drawing or daydreaming. I thought to myself: My drawings and daydreaming are not as boring as these classes.
But then, with time and with enough criticism from people who could not understand me, I grew up feeling very insecure. This has caused me blocks and issues to say the least. I have had to clear these and still in the process of clearing old BS.
What about these labels? What is the point in classifying someone "different" as an ill person with a disorder? Can a person simply be him/her self?
I had no problem learning things on my own. However, the way they taught things at school was very challenging for me. Also so boring, that I often had to find a release by running away from the classroom and going to the woods to play with frogs and insects (I was lucky to have a mini forest inside one of the many schools I studied in).
Just to give an example of how challenging it was for me:
Spanish is my mother language and I have never been to an english speaking country in this life. They taught us english lessons at school and I was terrible at it. I didnt get it. It was like learning math in a language I didnt recognize lol
After some time, I had particular english "lessons" if they can be called that. It resulted not only in my frustration but also in big trauma for me. This because the person who was trying to teach me lost her patience and started insulting and yelling at me in the most offensive way (I was maybe 5 or 6 years old). This left me in a state of anger, insecurity, resentment, loneliness. I also got very aggressive against people trying to correct me or to threaten me. I was traumatized. I had deep rage inside. Its hard to explain.
I was never able to learn english this way. After some time I started watching different movies in english and also started listening to rock and metal bands, mostly in english. I then started blabbering conversations with myself in "caveman english", all in a very relaxed and playful way. I didnt have to prove it to anyone. I was just playing.
After a short time, lets say 1 or 2 years, I found out I spoke english... Not only that, but the english I spoke was fluent, almost with no accent. People asked me what I did, how I learned. I kept saying I learned it watching movies and listening to music and they couldnt believe, specially the ones who remembered my struggles at school.
What does this say? Is the problem me, with my challenged mind? Or is the problem of a school method which is boring and boxing kids?
For some reason though, they decided at school that I def had issues so they kept sending me to see psychologists, I cannot remember how many I saw. I do remember at the end finding a lot of humor in such situations and just going to see them for joking purposes and as the perfect excuse to leave the boring class.
The psychologists said I was "on the wrong path". Wow! What an original solution! You just saved my life lol
To be fair, yes I had challenges, mental ones. I still have some of them, just like millions of others out there. The difference is that I acknowledge them while some others dont. I wonder how much freedom and happiness the people who labeled me like that had inside themselves.
And another thing: all my mental challenges, my mental issues or whatever, came from a traumatizing childhood experience which created very limiting mental patterns for me, like they would create in any normal human who undergoes traumatizing situations at an early age.