Energy in my mind

Greetings, its Charisma

I had an experience a while ago that i would very much want clues or answers for.
Since i was at the mental hospital for this very reason, and none has showed interrest in why and how this happened, i believed they think its some sort of a projection of my mind.

So 6 years ago i had it rough, i had just moved out alone, i was 19, i had been smoking weed a few times from i was 17-19, and experienced alot of anxiety. I was researching everything in my spare time for fun on the internet, some of it i got very scared of, others were just my interrests in the unknown. I found something called binaural beats, third eye openings and so on. I dont exactly know why i did this; but at 3AM one night i decided to listen to binaural beats, and try to open my third eye, which i found to be connected with the pineal gland in anatomy, i would think that i would psychically feel where my pineal gland was and open the third eye with only focus. i believe at the time i did this because i did NOT want to take drugs in the future.

As i meditated at 3AM in my chair :P my first meditation ever, i focused on my pineal gland in my brain, i felt a pressure and saw a monk with a blue aura in still pictures "movie" hugging me, and showing me that i should put my hands close to each other, i did the same and felt chi for the first time in my hands. Later all pictures in my mind disappeared and i fell into a let go eyes feeling, and a little after i saw pictures of buddha, christ, god, all those major beliefs and it just disappeared like i had to get a new view of it.

I was amazed when i woke up, i started 3 AM and ended up taking 2,5 hours. As i went to bed i saw pictures of all kinds of demons, again in still pictures like a movie but with 0.5 second delay on each picture but soon i felt calm and layed to rest.

. After this experience i had worse fear though it was like now i got scared of comets, and big things. Where prior to this experience it was maybe more intruders or even ghosts.

I was pretty rational about the experience of this, so this was just the start of my journey, i felt like a blackhole gathering all kinds of information, i felt i could differ more between whats real and what is not of information.

So that experience was not what got me to the mental hospital here it is.

2 years after that experience i fell down infront of my pc i remember i was on a forum called spirit science and 20 people was on my post all of a sudden. They talked to me about exactly spirit and science, dimensions, different explinations exact explination, i remember looking at a wiki page about dimensions and soon after all this different info it felt like my ego let go, and i fell down infront of my pc.
I saw an energy in my mind, and felt anxiety in my body looking at it, and its that, that i need explaining for, maybe it was my mind doing that trick for some reason.
If you have ever seen the google chrome icon, it looked like that, or rastafari colors, It was perfect green yellow red energies spiraling around on this black background like space. Very beautiful.
When i opened my eyes from it, i felt prana in my head like it was being channeled to me, i instantly searched on "eye color meaning" and "illuminati" what does it mean!? on the internet. I thought prana was flowing in my mind, and i began writing about a vital force aswell on the forums, and chi and we all were special, after a while of that, i sat down to watch tv, and saw a formula 1 car driving around for 20 minuttes, everytime i had a thought pop up the commentators stopped talking, like i had seen it before, old icon. It was like a memory right infront of me on the Television. I saw this red formula 1 car driving around the field, and when there was 2 minuttes left i started to cry and think that it was a childhood memory and why i loved cars as a child, with 1 minute left i started to think that as a kid i did not want to drive the car as a kid, i wanted to "be" the car as a kid. I started to cry much at that point remembering how it was to be a kid. Until i fell asleep with the knowing that i was protected.

Next morning i woke up to a feeling of energies in my little room, i called my friend to tell him what a wonderful experience i had just experienced (he was a gamer friend he did not know my spiritual interrest) So he was shocked to find that my speech and words were in this kind of flow or - as i thought, even my walking was in my own words in "flow" but i guess from hes point of view was very very different from who i used to be, it was like i could answer everything without doubt in my mind, i saw all people had the same eye color aswell, it was like everyone was enlightened and full of energy, and that this was something everyone could do. a relief for me, but all in all "i" was different.
I remember showing him where kundalini is, on his back and i touched hes spine. Next thing i knew was that i thought i was 'put' into his view of the world. things that i saw got gloomy, the skies were darker, everything was a bit gloomy. And as we took a walk i literally yes truly saw from hes 'point of view' in my eyes, as we took the walk i had to consciously remember him to look if there were people, i even remember slightly that i saw a car with no driver, I felt like a guide for my friend.
As we got to the grillbar there was 2 girls working with the same flow that i felt, they looked so natural and very beautiful as best friends at the grill, but i had so much anxiety that i had to lean over my stomach, we ate the food and he went home. And i went to bed.
And the next day - the third day after seeing this magnificent energy, i woke up only to feel that the feeling of energy had gotten worse. my stomach was filled, and i felt extreme as i called it 'negative energy' in my room where i slept. it was like a bubble of chi just in my whole room.

I remembered my mom told me once; If it ever feels like a dream just hop in the ocean, it will wake you up.

So as i felt this bubbly energy in my room i went for the beach, it was april and cold, i tried to meditate the feeling of this negative energy away but couldent. As i was about to hop into the ocean i saw some fishermen and thought they were illusions from my mind. Like the movie Inception. Yet i jumped in the ocean with all my cloth on and did not wake up.

I went home and thought to myself are these people illusions? WTF am i supposed to do from here. my room felt so negative to be in or my house rather. And as i remembered the car from day 1 driving around i felt i had to do something special, i had to feel special, i had to do something outside of my house other that sit there, I took my headphones on and listened to all star from smash mouth, And the joy i felt on day 2, yet i didnt think of calling my family, no guys i literally from here in my mind i was such a confusion and innocent mind at this point, i didnt get scared, but i had to find something, on the other side of my house there was a bike 'gang' or rather old people's bike club, i went over the fence and literally asked them "can i borrow your motorcycle to ride on?" and obviosly they said !no
i went sad over the fence to my house again and saw a cat at my neighboor (we were not supposed to have cats there) in all compassion i tried to free the cat, cause in my mind i thought it 'wanted to be freed' so i found a hammer i had and smashed the window, to free the cat, as i did that with a few tries i went in for the cat which had fleed to the bathroom, as i went for it, it had all black puppils and was hissing at me, with one paw swaying at me to tell me to leave.
Well i did leave, and the police came. Felt like a few seconds after. Like it was "meant to be" i have a few stories from the mental hospital recieving gifts aswell that i might write about in the future. Like reiki dance, and trust etc. Hard to explain happenings, et.c. 3 days and i saw normal blue green brown etc eye color again. I also cried tears of joy as i could control this good feeling of crying and letting go, at the hospital.
-So the police drove me to the mental hospital and i am now on something called Leponex It was very hard to accept this.

So my question is, was that a projection of my own mind as some sort of ego defence thing that my brain does? how is it explained, and as i said it looked like the google chrome icon or the rastafari colors, and why did i have anxiety looking at it from a whole? why was the image so life like between fiction and reality? and if it was my fantasy playing tricks why wasnt i sucked into it or something; why was it still yet spiraling around itself? Cause to me it felt like 3 eternal energies

Thanks for reading truly - Charisma

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