I was depressed and I decided to take a bus ride to the highways and look outside, and I arrived to the arcade and I played on the dancing machine. Beside the dancing machine (DDR) I played, was another dancing machine called Pump it Up, and a player was tirelessly racing to hit those arrows (you hit them with your feet) when the game screen was littering tremendous amount of arrows, more than enough to tire anybody out.
I watched a while, and decided to play on the DDR machine, and only got time to play just 3 rounds. He was playing on the other machine as well. The second stage was already quite stamina draining, and for the final stage, after around 40 seconds, I failed because I was out of breath in the middle of the song. The player who was playing the other dancing machine was tired as hell as well, and both of us were on the floor trying to catch our breathe.
Url for the final song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iggj0UZ_QIE
For reference to other players if any, I passed the bottleneck. It was not the steps alone that took me, but the stamina drain.
We both looked at each other, and that was where the scary part came to me. In fact, other than us exchanging eye contact, it seemed that we both sensed something that was so profound, heart beating, and extremely important. Both of us had to make a choice in our life that is important to both of us, but us, are two people who had a different life. He, to me, would represent the youth energy that has passed long ago. And me, is the person who represents both his history, and the future that he will hold in his life, because I knew that I am much much older than he is, and I accumulated a lot of experience in a very short period of time. Me, to him, both a beginning and an end that represents his own success.
However, whatever choice I made that time, represents death in either part. Both IS death. Dead, both physically, and spiritually, journey wise. I will, not only that I have to eventually give up in living my current life, but I have to choose how I am going to change my life. One of the choice is instant death, probably an accident, and my life will be over. And the other is to live totally differently. Both are death of some part, major part, something that I wanted to cry over for my uselessness in my current situation and unable to change it on my own, and the choice I made at that time, was up to me to choose.
What I knew was, that if I stay, I will have to die. I will no longer be able to make any choice alone and live the life that others live, working, living, making money, etc. I knew this myself that all along I had been violating very important physical-spiritual rules that would have caused me huge penalties, and one of them is instant death. But I was in a sense lucky, because my spiritual guardians had never give up on me. In opposite, they cared about me a lot and gave me chance over chance, despite watching me over making sure I will never do silly things, and they even taught me, take care of me, and stay with me anytime when I need their help.
The frightening fact is, I am not entirely sure what will happen in the future. My world seemed to be between both the living and the spiritual. My choices are running short, and now I only got one way. Something that is not pleasant about me is unfolded, and I was all along trying to hide that secret, and I am afraid I will have to, either way, sigh...
It was so real. I cannot doubt how intense it was, and I am sure even now, that the sudden feeling coming from our eye contact, was real.