He did make some very talented harmonic farts, though, generally recognized to be his 'party piece' at dinner parties.
Legally, he was quite unattractive and used blue woad in common with house termites to cover his cracks in the wainscoting.
He did carry a live ferret that he named Buzzard in his breast pocket that he used to bite the ends off his cigars, and undo women's dress back zippers.
Buzzard was Greek and plainly bolshie, refusing to do his duty unless perked beforehand; although when he did perform, his technique was second to none,
able to unbutton or unzip even the most complex or heavy dress design to floor level in less than a second.
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