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#41
I have noticed a posts wanting a parent to acknowledge their abuse to you as a child. I was stuck in that cycle as well. I continued to be the victim for many years.

My mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. One of the characteristics is to believe themselves to be perfect and the rest of us have a problem. My mother totally believes she is the model wife, mother, friend, etc. She has a totally different picture of our growing up years than her children do. My mother does not think she ever does anything wrong and therefore has nothing to acknowledge.

I came to realize I would wait until hell freezes over for an acknowledgement from my mother of anything less than a perfect life. Wanting something from someone that they are not able or willing to give is futile and takes too much energy. In waiting for an acknowledgement, apology or whatever, you are setting yourself up. You are hinging your life on someone else’s compliance.

It has been difficult to accept my mother as she is. I can’t imagine how anyone can abuse their children in the name of love. At some point, I realized any time I spent trying to get my mother to acknowledge the abuse I felt as a child was a waste of my energy. Learning to accept what is has been a challenge.

I send my mother a Mothers Day card, a funny one, only because I do not need to hear how thoughtless I am for not sending one. I think sending a ‘wonderful mother’ type card would be hypocritical of me because that is not how I feel.

Getting past the anger at my mother was difficult. Accepting what is, is certainly not easy. To me, in this case, unconditional love means accepting my mother as the person she is without wanting anything in return.

Blessings to all. It is difficult to let it go and accept what is. I think it is worth the effort.
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#42
[QUOTE=Old Indi;342653]I have noticed a posts wanting a parent to acknowledge their abuse to you as a child. I was stuck in that cycle as well. I continued to be the victim for many years.

My mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. One of the characteristics is to believe themselves to be perfect and the rest of us have a problem. My mother totally believes she is the model wife, mother, friend, etc. She has a totally different picture of our growing up years than her children do. My mother does not think she ever does anything wrong and therefore has nothing to acknowledge.

I came to realize I would wait until hell freezes over for an acknowledgement from my mother of anything less than a perfect life. Wanting something from someone that they are not able or willing to give is futile and takes too much energy. In waiting for an acknowledgement, apology or whatever, you are setting yourself up. You are hinging your life on someone else’s compliance.

It has been difficult to accept my mother as she is. I can’t imagine how anyone can abuse their children in the name of love. At some point, I realized any time I spent trying to get my mother to acknowledge the abuse I felt as a child was a waste of my energy. Learning to accept what is has been a challenge.

I send my mother a Mothers Day card, a funny one, only because I do not need to hear how thoughtless I am for not sending one. I think sending a ‘wonderful mother’ type card would be hypocritical of me because that is not how I feel.

Getting past the anger at my mother was difficult. Accepting what is, is certainly not easy. To me, in this case, unconditional love means accepting my mother as the person she is without wanting anything in return.

Blessings to all. It is difficult to let it go and accept what is. I think it is worth the effort.[/QUOTE]


I agree it is a waste of energy but accepting who she is does not mean I have to allow her abuse in my life. I do accept who she is. I have given up on an acknowledgement but that doesn't mean I have to be an enabler and pretend that things are ok when they are not. That too is a waste of energy.

No stranger to what you say

#44
No stranger to what you say

First of all, this woman came here for advice and outlook. Perhaps instead of bashing and negative remarks, try on some tact and empathy for a while. We indigos seem to be good at both accounts, but tend to not realize which is needed and when. You can be truthful but be kind about it at the same time. Secondly, remember that you may not know all of the information, and try to see things from an objective view.

*Not all parents have the best intentions for their children. As much as the ignorant would love to believe that all families are loving and full of butterflies and honey, in reality most of them are not. They all have their issues, some more than others.
*Human suffering has a cause. If a person is in pain and emotional turmoil, there has to be a reason. Before judging and jumping over canyons to give advice, find out all the facts first. Otherwise you'll look like an arrogant ass.
*Just because someone gives birth to you, doesn't mean they are your mother. Just because you share DNA with a man, it doesn't mean he is your father. Family love doesn't always mean you have to be blood related, nor does being blood related mean that you are family. Many people don't understand this, so they should go to homes where the children are abused and neglected by their blood. Then they should visit the homes of children who were adopted into loving homes and where they are nurtured and loved by those who arn't their own blood.

Rose Petal,
I've been where you are now, honey. I grew up in an abusive home that was also quite religious. The only difference was that it was my father. I do love him, and always will, but sometimes ethics and morality has to step in. If your mother is causing you that much emotional pain, and it sounds like physical as well, then your decision to cut her off is warrented.

You need to surround yourself with supportive, benevolent, caring and understanding people in order to grow and thrive as a person and soul. Negitive qualities will only hinder you and keep you from your purpose and growth. Perhaps her behavior is because she too needs a little growth and light, but she has to be the one to want it. If you truely feel that what you wish is right for you, do it. Perhaps you don't have to cut her out completely unless it is absolutely necessary, but just take a break and shut her out for a while and see if the void starts to mend between you two. Sometimes an abscence is needed to put priorities into perspective.

Whatever you choose, I pray for you and yours. I hope you find an abundance of blessings in your future along with happiness.
Kris

#45
Hi Rosepetal, I also love that name too btw, actuallly makes me think of roses!

Ok, I really do understand where you are coming from with wanting to cut your mother out of your life, my own situation was that I went through physical, mental, emotional and religious brainwashing with my parents, and btw I am a Indigo/Crystal , so all that stuff I went through, deep down I knew it wasn't for me and just that I was there to be a punchbag and I let myself as I was supressed until the age that I could take no more and that was about 17-18 yrs ago when I was 16-17 then I simply chose not to be in that situation anymore and I left home, thank god I did, I not saying it was the best decision , just one that made the whole situation easier to deal with at that time. Now I am 34 yrs of age getting divorced from a unreconcilable marriage and feel so much better , lighter, and also need time to heal myself again. Though this time I am much older and wiser, and totally believe in myself that I am making the right decision. I feel maybe if you can take time out the relationship and allow yourself time to heal, you can go back and be able to talk through things when the situation has had time to heal, sometimes distance from a loved one can make the heart grow fonder, I missed my mum in spite of what I went through, but also do whats ultimately best for you, I really wish you all the best.

Love, the IndigoPhoenixWarrior2012.
xxx

#46
Yes. Rosepetal, I agree with Warrior, that getting out of the home can be a good solution! .... but like Warrior, not burning all your bridges at the same time.

There is no denying that our mother is our mother. My relationship with my mother was not easy! Now she is passed away and I still ponder on the meaning of that relationship.

Nevertheless, as we grow older, we begin to understand more the meaning of the mother/daughter relationship, and so much of what it signifies. It's important, IMO, whatever we do to, to leave an opening for the future, where things may improve.

At the age of 17/18 interaction can become very heated between parents and children, as the children are trying to break away and express their independence, while the parents sometimes feel threatened by this and want to keep control.

Love and *Hugs*, dear RosePetal!

Noreen

:D :D :D

#47
rose petal,

you know what you have to do,
you did not like some of the advice given, which is fine,
you want to justify your feelings, you don't have to
do what you have to do, does not matter what anyone thinks

follow your heart.

#48
[QUOTE=RosePetal;335016]Yeah well i refuse to drink anymore poison in my life.
I don't care if she is my mother, she's only been my biological mother and not my spiritual mother.

Maybe we were contracted to be together, so we could make each other miserable.
Or so that i could finally divorce her, which i probably failed to do in a past life.[/QUOTE]

Its ok. I divorced my "family" a long time ago and i cannot explain how much that changed and healed me. Remember always do what feels right for the sake of Your happiness

#49
[QUOTE=RosePetal;334818]Hi all,
I’m thinking of cutting my mother out of my life.
I was just looking for some comfort, support and advice if anyone has any.
She has never felt like much of a mother to me, the only thing she has done is make my life hell.

I don’t get along with anyone in my family and if they were strangers that I had met at a party I wouldn’t even talk to them, we have nothing in common.
I have tried my best to salvage the relationship with me and my mother, I have done what I could, but people like her are not interested in changing for the better, she just wants to bleed me dry until there is nothing left of me.

She doesn’t approve of anything I do and most of the time we argue, so what’s the point of having her in my life, I think that it is time to lose the dead weight.
She can stick to her bible thumping crap all she likes, I just don’t want to be around her anymore. So what if she is my mother, if she was anybody else but my mother I would not even talk to her.

I think the saddest thing about this is that she is an Indigo, I feel like I just want to slap her in the face for being so stupid.

Please somebody give me some words of comforting advice
Love and Light
RosePetal xxx[/QUOTE]



uhm well I really dunno what to tell ya dude... I dont have good relations with my family either but I try to put up with it until I can actually get out of my house and have a life on my own and whatever but as for you do you live on your own? or do you have to live with your mother as of right now? if you dont live on your own then try to put up with it for a few more years later ull be able to cut her out of your life if thats what you want I also dont have very many things in common with my family but as many people know we dont choose our families... think about it as a fight or a lesson you have to learn from all this and you might be able to get through until you can actually get away from it be strong my friend =) were all gonna support you here

#50
In my humble opinion, cutting your mother completely out of your life is something you should do as a last resort to the situation.
She just tries her best, parents are people too, they make mistakes just as the rest of us do. I would atleast have her sit down with me for a couple of minutes and try to explain to her about your beliefs and what the problems are, then she may accept you and become closer altogether.
If after a talk and she still demands you follow her orders, then I would have to agree with you. She has no place in your life if she tries to destroy what you stand for. My best guess would to completely disown her, I know it sounds terrible, but at certain times in certain peoples lives, this becomes completely necessary for happiness. I hope this helps.
-Sol[CENTER][/CENTER]

#51
I know how you feel. Working out relations with your mother is DIFFICULT.
If your mother is like mine, she seems to fine tune her 'white noise' nonsense- (her no man's land sensibilities) to keep up with my rate of change. But you have to remember that she is experiencing the situation in two dimensions, forward and reverse. She backpedals to protect herself, and probably doesn't realize that this interaction is pulling you down and making you stumble when you are looking for upward momentum, to keep on moving forward. Interacting with a non indigo is like one of those rock wall treadmills, where you can climb on these rocks as they go around and around. If they start going backwards, you have to jump off, get really good at climbing down instead of up at the drop of a hat, or if you're like me, try to read their minds so you know when they're about to screw you up (and that doesn't really work but it makes you incredibly strong if you keep at it for as long as I did).

Here is something else: Miracles happen. Don't be afraid to ask for one, remember that asking doesn't take any special skill. Do you know your soul mate? Try and get in touch with that person spiritually, search for a more and more meaningful connection. It doesn't matter if you haven't met them or not, your lives are still connected.
Here's something else- Luck. Have some of that, because it can make tricky situations slippery smooth.

#52
i would do what you gut says. kickem to the curb!!
i did this to my father what an ass hole.
noting but s h i t will never change or help.
look after no:1 your self... because no one gives a shit!!
on this site you will get soft guidence
but the the real world they dont give a stuff but them self.

#54
I have not spoke to my mother in weeks, I love it.

We are so different, and she was a horrible mother, she said she loved me, but her vibration was not love, everything had to be perfect
as an adult coming home for a visit, she yelled at me for hanging my t shirts on hangers, she wanted everything placed how she wanted it, even if you were just staying for a little bit
she would come to my room, seek me out, and yell about me not placing the correct wash cloth, dish and bathroom wash cloth in the proper laundry basket
as kitchen ones get bleeched. fine tell me next time you see, but that you seek me out like a child.. give me abreak
a perfectionist, everything had to be perfect
to her standards..
a plastic bag had to be white for the bathroom, or yellow for a nother room
no one ever came over and no one cared what colored bag was in the bathroom garbage can! that freakin messed up guys, this is only the tip of the iceberg...

but the other day, I was walking to one business, about to enter in
and I was mere seconds away maybe 3 to five
and the next business,store next to where I was going in, my freakin mother walked out
my jaw was descended... The timing of this, was so orchestrated by the universe
so I talked to her for a moment, and said, ok, Universe, she can be in my life a tiny bit... I get it....

#55
[QUOTE=RosePetal;334818]Hi all,
I’m thinking of cutting my mother out of my life.
I was just looking for some comfort, support and advice if anyone has any.
She has never felt like much of a mother to me, the only thing she has done is make my life hell.

I don’t get along with anyone in my family and if they were strangers that I had met at a party I wouldn’t even talk to them, we have nothing in common.
I have tried my best to salvage the relationship with me and my mother, I have done what I could, but people like her are not interested in changing for the better, she just wants to bleed me dry until there is nothing left of me.

She doesn’t approve of anything I do and most of the time we argue, so what’s the point of having her in my life, I think that it is time to lose the dead weight.
She can stick to her bible thumping crap all she likes, I just don’t want to be around her anymore. So what if she is my mother, if she was anybody else but my mother I would not even talk to her.

I think the saddest thing about this is that she is an Indigo, I feel like I just want to slap her in the face for being so stupid.

Please somebody give me some words of comforting advice
Love and Light
RosePetal xxx[/QUOTE]

hmm cant help you there darl- welcome to life!

I dont think I know a single person whose had it easy in life or a perfect relationship with their parents.

tbh with you, its never the best idea to burn your bridges, you're 24 and an adult by my terms. If you and your mum still cant get on, hold her at arms length- but never cut contact completly as that would be sinking to her level and showing immaturity.

besides! you'd be freaked out by how much a child can be like their mother, and no mother is by any means perfect.

---------- Post added at 03:47 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:46 PM ----------

[QUOTE=purplejade;489923]I have not spoke to my mother in weeks, I love it.

We are so different, and she was a horrible mother, she said she loved me, but her vibration was not love, everything had to be perfect
as an adult coming home for a visit, she yelled at me for hanging my t shirts on hangers, she wanted everything placed how she wanted it, even if you were just staying for a little bit
she would come to my room, seek me out, and yell about me not placing the correct wash cloth, dish and bathroom wash cloth in the proper laundry basket
as kitchen ones get bleeched. fine tell me next time you see, but that you seek me out like a child.. give me abreak
a perfectionist, everything had to be perfect
to her standards..
a plastic bag had to be white for the bathroom, or yellow for a nother room
no one ever came over and no one cared what colored bag was in the bathroom garbage can! that freakin messed up guys, this is only the tip of the iceberg...

but the other day, I was walking to one business, about to enter in
and I was mere seconds away maybe 3 to five
and the next business,store next to where I was going in, my freakin mother walked out
my jaw was descended... The timing of this, was so orchestrated by the universe
so I talked to her for a moment, and said, ok, Universe, she can be in my life a tiny bit... I get it....[/QUOTE]

lol what a control freak- how unfortunate for you xD

#56
It seems most has been said and discussed already.

In my opinion - I would support you in whatever you felt is right for you here and now.
No need to make a decicion in this moment, for the rest of your life.

If you want to be by yourself Right Now - be that. No need to say: "We'll never meet again". Say and do whatever you feel like, and know that tomorrow (not litterally, but you know - the future) might bring some new side of things to the surface.

Everything - Every Thing, is as it is for a reason. And it is Always a win-win situation.


So, do as you like. It is ok.

Acceptance, and seeing all as ok just the way it is - is the best healer of anything.
And this I say for You. It is for YOU I say this. Not for her. Its what heals You best, to see it that way. Feel free to vent and be angry aswell. Or sad. Or any feeling.

Love
Jes

#57
hahaha purplejade you have it hard... lol control freak indeed hahaha but really ... many mothers have other issues as well... like for example mine is not such a control freak... but she does love yellin at me all the freakin time for no reason at all...and when im sick she wont take care of me she will just say its my fault and that im stupid for gettin sick... she will hit me for no reason when shes on a bad mood and she will tell me every single day of the dish I didnt wash after eating even if I did wash it.... Ive become inmune to anything she says...because she never has anything good to say...if I do something good she wont recognize it...but rather look for soemthing bad to tell it to my face if I do somethin bad...well I prolly will be gettin a lot of physical damage and/or physicological (forgot how to spell) damage from whatever she does or says ... its really annoying having to live with her...not to say that she has a condition and I have to take care of her a lot of times when she doesnt give a damn about me...but oh well..thats just what mothers are for I guess...not....

#58
Are you sure she's an indigo??? Indigo Moms are usually so loving, still moms and firm if nessisary but mostly nurturing. I think she sounds like vampire in an indigo cape. I like to generalize most indigos as open and loving and
not forcing a particular religous subscription or agenda. If it's all bad don't feel guilt because she's your mom I mean toxic is toxic the same.

Reminds me of a bfs mom total evil abusive witch. She was also on the hypocritical bandwagon. Such blasmphomy!!! Got that woman makes my stomach turn. Near death didn't even change the bitch it made her more intitaled. She loved the attention so much of being sick she made a big deal of a surgery she wouldn't say what. Just to make people worry it was back again something very serious. What was it actually??? Surgery for mesh god .

#59
[QUOTE=RosePetal;334818]Hi all,
I’m thinking of cutting my mother out of my life.
I was just looking for some comfort, support and advice if anyone has any.
She has never felt like much of a mother to me, the only thing she has done is make my life hell.

I don’t get along with anyone in my family and if they were strangers that I had met at a party I wouldn’t even talk to them, we have nothing in common.
I have tried my best to salvage the relationship with me and my mother, I have done what I could, but people like her are not interested in changing for the better, she just wants to bleed me dry until there is nothing left of me.

She doesn’t approve of anything I do and most of the time we argue, so what’s the point of having her in my life, I think that it is time to lose the dead weight.
She can stick to her bible thumping crap all she likes, I just don’t want to be around her anymore. So what if she is my mother, if she was anybody else but my mother I would not even talk to her.

I think the saddest thing about this is that she is an Indigo, I feel like I just want to slap her in the face for being so stupid.

Please somebody give me some words of comforting advice
Love and Light
RosePetal xxx[/QUOTE]

I totally understand. I'm literally in the planning process to moving across the country to get away from my parents. It's not that I'm mean or anything like that, it's just sometimes people (Including family) serve their purposes up to a certain point and then we gotta move on. Ya know?

#60
Parents are nothing else than normal poeple you want to spend time with or not.
If you want, do.
If not, don't do. Keep them in respect for giving a place in the world and that's it.

#61
I don't agree with the others -- if she is poisonous to you, cut her out asap.

Just because someone is a relative, doesn't obligate you to cut them anymore slack than you would anyone else.

My wife's mother is a narcissistic, selfish, criticizing, enabler. My wife is now stuck with putting her in a home and dealing with her until she dies.

We'd be a lot happier if we didn't have to deal with her. My mother was checked-out emotionally and my father was a control freak -- they are both dead, which was a relief. My sister is dishonest and so I have little to do with her too.

Bill Murray, in "Scrooged", had a great line: "Scrape 'em off".

If someone is hurting you, scrape them off.

Its okay, however, to let them know that they can have a relationship with you after they fix their crap. But until then, scrape her off.

She hasn't earned your love.

#62
I disagree with
She hasn't earned your love.
Love is the last thing that can be earned. It is not a business.

Love might be there, even if the contact is cut off as this in many cases is the healthy way.

Should not be mixed.

#63
[QUOTE=Akilein;1117439]I disagree with

Love is the last thing that can be earned. It is not a business.

Love might be there, even if the contact is cut off as this in many cases is the healthy way.

Should not be mixed.[/QUOTE]

Unconditional love, unicorns and rainbow sprinkles are all wonderful myths...

... but, if someone is hurting you and poisoning your life, you are under no comic rule to have to love them. There is no harm in cutting them out and forgetting them.

#64
Who says one has to love somebody and who said cutting out is a harm?

As I said, don't mistake love and business.

And the "unconditional" and "love" is the most stupid combination. Love IS unconditional, everything else is not love. It is like saying dry water.

What I tried to say is that even if a healthy relationship is not possible, love may be there. Did not say IS there, HAS to be there, IS a RULE etc.

#65
I think the concept of "unconditional love" is total BS. A made up impossibility.

Everyone sets conditions. There is always a line that can be crossed that will kill love. Everybody sets out certain criteria before they can love someone.

Yes, love may be there -- but I;'d say it was more like the wish of love --- But then, who cares when someone is hurting your life?

#66
Longjourney, it is true that not everyone is capable of unconditional love. I believe everyone is born with the possibility of unconditional love though. It's something one has to listen to, it's a choice.
But loving someone and being with them are two completely different things. It's important to know what one wants out of a relationship, if anything, and then go for that. Parents are people like everybody else, and we can't control who they are. We can however control how we let them affect us and our lives. But as with all relationships, one has to consider the choices and make compromises and sacrifices to make that relationship work. Boundaries is important to all relationships, as is communication etc.

In regards to unconditional love, I believe it exists, because I feel it on a daily basis. However it's a burden that not surprisingly not everybody is willing to take up. For me it's always there, in an unexplained, excruciating way. Maybe it's an ability like so many other things people on IS can do. I have such a hard time thinking in terms of being different in that area because I've had it all my life...

#67
You cannot "cut" your Mother from your life. When your Soul first arrived it was your Mother's Love that guided you to her, and because of this she will always be connected to you. Being angry with her it is difficult to remember this, but do try. Your Love can heal this sad situation if you allow it. Your Mother has forgotten her Soul's Love too. Many older women have.

We were all taught life should be a competitive tug-of-war rather than a short spiritual experience gifted to us to help our souls evolve. We are then sent to public daycare or school and taught to approach "logical" thinking and life with our ego first....kindness and decency are no longer our focus. Rather than cutting, simply refocus your Soul on Loving things. If you stay as angry as your Mother, that negativity will keep cycling until it destroys all it touches.

When we allow our Ego's anger, frustration and negativity to take the wheel, that self-centeredness can infect everyone around us. As it has in your relationship with your Mother. The Essence of your Soul is Love, and why falling in Love feels so wonderful ~ because our human body is connecting to our Soul. Once we angrily disconnect from this Love, we disconnect from our Soul, and a "hole" is left in it's place. And everyone around us will fall into that hole if we don't fill it ourselves with Love, and Spirituality.

That hole is what you are trying to "cut out" by eliminating your Mother's existence from your life. But it will not work. Because your Soul is hungry for Love, but instead of answering that call you are allowing your Ego's anger to control you. Do not allow this to happen, or that pattern will repeat itself with your relationship with your daughter.

Your Ego is always self-destructive, whereas your Spirituality is your connection to the Divine....which is Love, Your Soul. Always lead with that 'side' of yourself and you cannot go wrong.

#68
[QUOTE=RosePetal;334818]Hi all,
I’m thinking of cutting my mother out of my life.
I was just looking for some comfort, support and advice if anyone has any.
She has never felt like much of a mother to me, the only thing she has done is make my life hell.

I don’t get along with anyone in my family and if they were strangers that I had met at a party I wouldn’t even talk to them, we have nothing in common.
I have tried my best to salvage the relationship with me and my mother, I have done what I could, but people like her are not interested in changing for the better, she just wants to bleed me dry until there is nothing left of me.

She doesn’t approve of anything I do and most of the time we argue, so what’s the point of having her in my life, I think that it is time to lose the dead weight.
She can stick to her bible thumping crap all she likes, I just don’t want to be around her anymore. So what if she is my mother, if she was anybody else but my mother I would not even talk to her.

I think the saddest thing about this is that she is an Indigo, I feel like I just want to slap her in the face for being so stupid.

Please somebody give me some words of comforting advice
Love and Light
RosePetal xxx[/QUOTE]
-----------------------------
yes when you don't believe in something blissful being around someone that does is painful because it reminds you that its a light you can never have. Now regardless of a difference of believe and how she executes her belief lshe is still family and without family people can be open to do desperate things they will regret. Just take what she says as a grain of salt and know in her mind her disapproval lis only an intention of careing about you.

#69
I read the first sentence then stopped......We only get one mother and myself has only just realized this. No matter what the back ground is she is still the mother that brought you into the world.

My mother wasnt nice, my childhood is full of pain, my adult hood seemed much harder. She abused me in every way possible then dumbed me in care. She left me homeless at 16 to survive. I was homeless a year, through christmas and birthday, i starved for days at a time and terrified i would die, slept rough everywhere.
She beat me everyday of my childhood, tortured me physically and mentally and not just with words. She would put spiders in my dinner and watch me eat them, fish head in my bed or fish guts mixed up with my school uniform. Drugs, alcohol and her mental head ruined me. She would beat me then when school would ask questions shed say it was my sister. She made me smash my head into a mirror deliberately for punishment, if not she would of ramed my head in the mirror herself.
There so much more but thats not the point...I know see her in a different light, she still a dragon drama queen that loves causing chaos but i let it go over my head. I see the true being she is deep in her soul and each action she has done has been let go off.

I went years without talking to her because she was so messed up and messed me upto, the one thing that killed me was i could see her innocence all along but terrified of having that call she was gone, died and passed on. That hurt the most.

My nan died last year and she came to me, she said my mother needed me to understand her and to let go of the actions....I was not happy that my nan said this but few weeks later after years of not talking properly my mother got in touch. She keeps her distance as i do keep a guard up and senses that but those words my nan came forward hit me like a ton of bricks...she was right, i instantly saw my mothers soul, her inner child and who she really is. The past and present relationship has changed all because i let her be herself and forgive.

#70
[QUOTE=anne;1127968]I read the first sentence then stopped......We only get one mother and myself has only just realized this. No matter what the back ground is she is still the mother that brought you into the world.

My mother wasnt nice, my childhood is full of pain, my adult hood seemed much harder. She abused me in every way possible then dumbed me in care. She left me homeless at 16 to survive. I was homeless a year, through christmas and birthday, i starved for days at a time and terrified i would die, slept rough everywhere.
She beat me everyday of my childhood, tortured me physically and mentally and not just with words. She would put spiders in my dinner and watch me eat them, fish head in my bed or fish guts mixed up with my school uniform. Drugs, alcohol and her mental head ruined me. She would beat me then when school would ask questions shed say it was my sister. She made me smash my head into a mirror deliberately for punishment, if not she would of ramed my head in the mirror herself.
There so much more but thats not the point...I know see her in a different light, she still a dragon drama queen that loves causing chaos but i let it go over my head. I see the true being she is deep in her soul and each action she has done has been let go off.

I went years without talking to her because she was so messed up and messed me upto, the one thing that killed me was i could see her innocence all along but terrified of having that call she was gone, died and passed on. That hurt the most.

My nan died last year and she came to me, she said my mother needed me to understand her and to let go of the actions....I was not happy that my nan said this but few weeks later after years of not talking properly my mother got in touch. She keeps her distance as i do keep a guard up and senses that but those words my nan came forward hit me like a ton of bricks...she was right, i instantly saw my mothers soul, her inner child and who she really is. The past and present relationship has changed all because i let her be herself and forgive.[/QUOTE]

Hi,

Your story is not unlike my own. We choose our parents before incarnation as I see these things. Some of us will become strong because of them. We will see the divinity in every human as a result of these experiences or we will become like the person we rejected. No matter. As eternal beings we will find that truth about the nature of life and love from that divine perspective sooner ot later.

John

#71
We all have to "leave-the-nest" some time.
Some do it sooner some later.
If you feel you are ready to go, then go.

My mom was no gem but with a psi-precocious kid,
I later realized that she did the best she could in our
dysfunctional family. And that she was afraid of me.
That was her reason for her severe domination of me.
in harmony,
roger.

#72
[QUOTE=Psychic Child;1128069]We all have to "leave-the-nest" some time.
Some do it sooner some later.
If you feel you are ready to go, then go.

My mom was no gem but with a psi-precocious kid,
I later realized that she did the best she could in our
dysfunctional family. And that she was afraid of me.
That was her reason for her severe domination of me.
in harmony,
roger.[/QUOTE]
----------------------
How does this make you feel that she did it, I mean you don't have to make excuses for those who wronged you. When you were a kid and this was happening to you how did it effect you. Please let out the emotions, its ok to cry.

#73
[QUOTE=brightpup2;1128082]----------------------
How does this make you feel that she did it, I mean you don't have to make excuses for those who wronged you. When you were a kid and this was happening to you how did it effect you. Please let out the emotions, its ok to cry.[/QUOTE]

No tears Brightpup2,
I pitied her, felt some sadness of her own inabilities
to deal with her life. I understood the why of what she was.
She was not important enough in my life to cry over.

I knew what I was, and she had little or no influence over that.
I was/am happy with who I was, and all that psi-stuff I could do.
I had full control of my life, I was responsible only to me.
When she died at 103, I felt joy for her, for finally she was at peace.
in harmony,
roger.

#74
[QUOTE=Psychic Child;1128086]No tears Brightpup2,
I pitied her, felt some sadness of her own inabilities
to deal with her life. I understood the why of what she was.
She was not important enough in my life to cry over.

I knew what I was, and she had little or no influence over that.
I was/am happy with who I was, and all that psi-stuff I could do.
I had full control of my life, I was responsible only to me.
When she died at 103, I felt joy for her, for finally she was at peace.
in harmony,
roger.[/QUOTE]
----------------------
you must not have had a fun child hood, that is probably why you spent so much time in psychic training, to escalpe the horrors of real life. lIt scared you. I am concerned*energy prayers to you*

#75
No, no brightpup.
After my psi-training started as a 2-1/2 year old,
to age 3 at home. My mom sent me to my Grandpa's
300 acre Dairy farm. It was there for every summer
until I was 13 refining my psi-skills doing farm work.
Grandpa also taught me to hide my skills effectively,
and how to deal with adults. He also introduced me
to several mythic beings, and encouraged me to be
telepathic with all the animals on the farm and in the
woods.

During the school year I was just a happy kid becoming
an artist. I set myself up as an early wanderer, only
coming home for meals. I learned to dance [1942] and
with my telepathic partner Connie, won Ballroom, Jazz,
and Jitterbug contests using kinetic psi-skills to lift and
"throw" Connie for spectacular performances.
It was this era that I did lay preaching with 7 other teens
in a traveling Road Show to churches in the Cleveland area
broadcasting Empathy to standing room only crowds.

My whole childhood was a series of adventures that I planned.
I was to wild and crazy for the "In" crowd, but had a close group
of "outsiders" to be kinda "normal".

No I had a very exiting childhood, added by my psi-abilities,
I was confident and free to explore and manifested the few
things I needed to extend my skills. Because of the handy
skills I learned at the farm, I was able to construct many
things that I needed for my adventuries, and financed them
with jobs I had on weekends.
I look back at all the things I did that extended the uses
of my abilities, and I laugh at how outrageous they seem
to be looking back at them. Like crawling up the side of a
10 story brick building on weekends, when I was 8 so I
could draw the City Scapes of Cleveland and turn those
sketches into watercolor paintings, which I sold. Every
one thought I had imagined them. :-)

So you see Brightpup2,
there is no remorse, no tears,
no sadness, and only a tiny bit of anger.
I am
in harmony,
roger

#76
I was in a very similar situation with my mom and I finally found a resolution just recently actually, we had a very toxic, codependent relationship and it was very emotionally draining, constantly she would abuse me even though all I ever wanted was love, she harmed me all the time and I kept trying to put down boundaries but it never worked. I tried threats of distance, I tried telling her to go to a counsellor or I would leave, nothing worked.
I kept telling myself I would just cut her out of my life but every time I did that I failed, due to my own heartbrokenness that would lead me back to her in hopes she would change. Without her I felt even worse because I didn't want to live with my mom because even though all the things she did to hurt me, I still loved her.
It was like every time I tried to open up to her to recieve or give love, she would attack me.

Somewhere along the line I realized she couldn't change so I was faced with the inevitable, either I change or I leave, and of course I didn't think I was doing anything wrong so I knew I shouldn't have to be the one to change.

Well then one day it crossed a line enough for me to realize enough was enough, something had to change even if it was me, and the thing is she's done worse things to me before but this time I finally understood what I had to do.

I was celebrating my 4 years of sobriety and both of my parent's and even my sister didn't care at all, didn't send me a single message and the worst thing was my mom and dad decided to take off on a trip to Las Vegas... when she got back she didn't even give me a card, she didn't say congratulations or a single thing and this really hurt me, but she had done a lot worse to me in the past, such as telling me to kill myself so this was nothing in comparison.

But the night of my sobriety, I spent it alone and cried a lot, wondering why I recovered from drinking just to face such a lonely sad world with parent's that hated me.
I realized the only thing that ever upset me these days was my parent's. If they weren't in my life I would actually be healthy and stress free, however... I knew that would never work either because I'd tried distance from them, I ended up even more lonely and heartbroken.

That night I had a little ceremony and even though I was so sad I still invited in all my ancestors and all my spirit guides, and my grandma and grandpa even came in spirit to celebrate my sobriety, and we danced to a song and then they all gathered around to pick oracle cards for me to read, and I did a long reading...

Well, most of the advice in the oracle cards were about forgiveness and letting go... and I really did not feel ready to forgive them for anything yet, but then I had a powerful realization, where I realized that my resentment wasn't hurting them, it was only hurting myself. By holding grudges towards them for absolutely everything they have ever done to me I wasn't allowing the relationship to go anywhere. In fact I was the cause of the relationship continuiing the toxic cycle, because I was so against them treating me like crap, that I would always tell them whenever they were doing something wrong to me.

And I remembered the My Name is Earl episode where Earl threw a big party for himself for being such a good guy and making ammends to people and most of the people at the party weren't proud of him at all, and they still hated his guts even though he had tried to make ammends to them.

And my spirit guides are usually so very supportive and encouraging to me, and that night they managed to tell me that I wasn't seeing things from my parent's point of view and that if I tried I would understand their actions and that they didn't truly mean to harm me.

Usually I would have shunned that idea because I usually hold such resentment over them for hurting me but I was suddenly overcome with guilt for hating them so much and I knew that my parent's loved me despite all the terrible careless things they do and for just one second I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt.

And I began thinking to myself, I am much like Earl. Sure I know I am doing well now, I have recovered from drinking and I have made my ammends, but that doesn't mean that everyone in my life is ready to trust me yet. It certainly doesn't mean that everyone in my life thinks I'm such a good person yet. That hurts me, sure it does, but the fact is I did used to be a terrible person and I DID hurt them and I may have to live with that for the rest of my life, it was wishful thinking when my parent's at first seemed to act like they were supportive of my recovery, the truth is people do not forgive so easily and I know that truth for myself too...
And I knew my parent's would never, ever ever forgive me unless I forgave them first.

And so I thought to myself... my AA sobriety, what is the point in celebrating that for? It's supposed to be a celebration for myself, and to aknowledge the pain my parent's went through... and it was at that moment where I realized they weren't at a point in their life where they wanted to aknowledge or pay tribute to that pain, especially when every day was still painful for them.

And I wasn't making it any better by constantly holding grudges against them. I finally realized this. The only reason my relationship was toxic was because both parties weren't moving. I could be the one to move, therefore I was responsible for it not moving!!!!
I was the stable one now. My parent's are literally both insane, going through mid life crises and who knows what, we are a toxic family, I'm literally the only one who got help. My dad's a workoholic, my mom's breaking down... It would have to be up to me to lead them in the right direction, and trying to continue to point out their flaws and change them was not helping anything.
And I speculated that if I were the one to move first and forgive them, then maybe, just maybe they would too... and then we would stop the wars between us, we could finally mend all the hurt and pain between us.

So when my mom got back from Las Vegas, pretending like nothing happened, I took her out to lunch and said that I forgave her and I truly did. I told her I was sorry for holding so many resentments and I told her bluntly, that what she did really hurt me but that I was gonig to change and that I wasn't going to hold it against her anymore... And I told her that I understood that my AA day was not a day for celebration, at least not yet, it was more of a day of mourning and I understood why they went away, and I said it was okay if they wanted to celebrate it without me in Las Vegas and I told her that was okay, that maybe one day in the future we will both be able to celebrate it and realize that things are good between us.
And I forgave her, truly forgave her and just let it all go.
And the amazing thing that came from this is that... it completely blind sided her and she wasn't expecting an apology from me, she ended up silent for a few moments and then finally, for once in her life became honest with me and told me that she held a lot of resentments towards me and was still carrying hurts from the past and that when she saw me forgive her it made her realize she had to forgive me too.

Before our relationship had just been built upon hatred and resentments and a whole bunch of denial that disguised that, so whenever she would attack me she would deny it being because of resentment, but finally she was able to admit that I had hurt her... And I think it was the first time in my entire life that I ever heard her tell me that and it really sucked! But it was also really good because it marked a turning point into forgiveness!!!

And ever since that our relationship has been amazing. We both have let go of resentments and that has stopped the cycle of abuse. I continously demonstrate forgiveness and she continously does the same, this means the toxic cycle of abuse has been broken.
The other day she fell back into an old trap and made a careless comment in a restaurant, and I stated to her how much it hurt me but that I wasnt going to brood on it and resent her for it like I usually would, and we got on with our day and were able to fix our communication and things turned out great.

But perhaps the best thing that has come out of this is the feeling like a huge weight has been released from my shoulders, I don't have the terrible stress eating away at my insides, I don't live in that sad loneliness and heartbrokeness anymore, because I can be with my mom, with the acceptance that she's not perfect but that neither of us are, and forgiveness sure is a powerful thing. It has completely set me free and I no longer feel hindered by resentment.
At this point I no longer care if she changes, I really don't but the cool this is that me taking the first step into forgiveness has encouraged her to also...

#77
[QUOTE=RosePetal;335016]
Maybe we were contracted to be together, so we could make each other miserable.
Or so that i could finally divorce her, which i probably failed to do in a past life.[/QUOTE]

I think it's more likely that the challenge is to mend the relationship in this life.

I'm really not sure about how past life relationship conflict could relate because I have met people in this life that I feel like are soul mates in my soul group that I've murdered in past lives and they really love me in this life and hold no resentments towards me and in this life I feel no resentments towards them, there's been no karmic consequence in those specific relationships and they've just been helpful people that show up in my life to teach me lessons, most of the people I've murdered don't even stick around in my life for long and I just meet them temporarily.
And you would think karma would pay me back or that these people would hold some kind of past life residue to me killing them, yet they don't and karma never does pay me back for it, other than there is a common theme of me killing people in my past lives. In fact I've talked to some that remember me killing them and they seem so at peace with it, and they always tell me the same story, they loved me in that life but I betrayed them and killed them and while telling me this they are completely okay with it.

But my soul mate connection with my mom is so strong and I don't know if I killed her in a past life but I probably did because I was a serial killer in a lot of lives, and I remember snippets of lives where we had conflict before but I think probably it arises mostly because we are so close, maybe we are what people call "twin flames", we are very much alike and at the same time so different that our personalities completely clash and our love is so intense that when we hurt eachother it can turn into hate.

I'm sorry to have to mention so many negative things like killing. But it just goes to show you that you can change your karmic destiny.
I spend so many lives killing people and even in the beginning of this life I was a very bad person.
And maybe I could just submit to the negativity and think, perhaps I am just meant to be a bad person for the rest of my karmic destiny and all the lives I will ever live, but I refuse to believe that.
In fact, I think karma works in a way to guide you to something that is more positive... for example it's the reason why we always make the same mistake until we finally learn the lesson.
So no, I don't think you are meant to divorce her or meant to stay with her, I think for the most part you have the choice and power to do whatever you want to do... and that is good news for me because I do not plan on becoming a serial killer anytime soon LoL. I truly believe that people can change, when they want to.
I personally feel as if this current life I am living right now is the life where I am making up for all of my past life mistakes. I guess that's what people call enlightenment from a karmic understanding, well that's where I feel like I am, at a point where I have come to terms with and have made ammends for all the bad things I have ever done and have made the decision to forgive and let go and to become a good person in all that I do. It could be the reason why I've been blessed with all my past life memories in comparison to others, either way, I have the power to live my life the way I want it and I choose to be a better person than who I was.

#78
[QUOTE=Longjourney;1117566]I think the concept of "unconditional love" is total BS. A made up impossibility.

Everyone sets conditions. There is always a line that can be crossed that will kill love. Everybody sets out certain criteria before they can love someone.

Yes, love may be there -- but I;'d say it was more like the wish of love --- But then, who cares when someone is hurting your life?[/QUOTE]

I think it's harder when it comes to family because we have so many expectations of them to be perfect.

But unconditional love is easy, it is simply loving someone despite their flaws.

#79
[QUOTE=Psychic Child;1128121]No, no brightpup.
After my psi-training started as a 2-1/2 year old,
to age 3 at home. My mom sent me to my Grandpa's
300 acre Dairy farm. It was there for every summer
until I was 13 refining my psi-skills doing farm work.
Grandpa also taught me to hide my skills effectively,
and how to deal with adults. He also introduced me
to several mythic beings, and encouraged me to be
telepathic with all the animals on the farm and in the
woods.

During the school year I was just a happy kid becoming
an artist. I set myself up as an early wanderer, only
coming home for meals. I learned to dance [1942] and
with my telepathic partner Connie, won Ballroom, Jazz,
and Jitterbug contests using kinetic psi-skills to lift and
"throw" Connie for spectacular performances.
It was this era that I did lay preaching with 7 other teens
in a traveling Road Show to churches in the Cleveland area
broadcasting Empathy to standing room only crowds.

My whole childhood was a series of adventures that I planned.
I was to wild and crazy for the "In" crowd, but had a close group
of "outsiders" to be kinda "normal".

No I had a very exiting childhood, added by my psi-abilities,
I was confident and free to explore and manifested the few
things I needed to extend my skills. Because of the handy
skills I learned at the farm, I was able to construct many
things that I needed for my adventuries, and financed them
with jobs I had on weekends.
I look back at all the things I did that extended the uses
of my abilities, and I laugh at how outrageous they seem
to be looking back at them. Like crawling up the side of a
10 story brick building on weekends, when I was 8 so I
could draw the City Scapes of Cleveland and turn those
sketches into watercolor paintings, which I sold. Every
one thought I had imagined them. :-)

So you see Brightpup2,
there is no remorse, no tears,
no sadness, and only a tiny bit of anger.
I am
in harmony,
roger[/QUOTE]
-----------------------
anger huh, I could image but what are you angry about specifically


These mythic beings you were introduced to, what were they? I would love to be introduced to them. My granddad did similar stuff with me when I saw him. Except he hid the training as lots of chors so I didn't know I was being trained.
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