My mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. One of the characteristics is to believe themselves to be perfect and the rest of us have a problem. My mother totally believes she is the model wife, mother, friend, etc. She has a totally different picture of our growing up years than her children do. My mother does not think she ever does anything wrong and therefore has nothing to acknowledge.
I came to realize I would wait until hell freezes over for an acknowledgement from my mother of anything less than a perfect life. Wanting something from someone that they are not able or willing to give is futile and takes too much energy. In waiting for an acknowledgement, apology or whatever, you are setting yourself up. You are hinging your life on someone else’s compliance.
It has been difficult to accept my mother as she is. I can’t imagine how anyone can abuse their children in the name of love. At some point, I realized any time I spent trying to get my mother to acknowledge the abuse I felt as a child was a waste of my energy. Learning to accept what is has been a challenge.
I send my mother a Mothers Day card, a funny one, only because I do not need to hear how thoughtless I am for not sending one. I think sending a ‘wonderful mother’ type card would be hypocritical of me because that is not how I feel.
Getting past the anger at my mother was difficult. Accepting what is, is certainly not easy. To me, in this case, unconditional love means accepting my mother as the person she is without wanting anything in return.
Blessings to all. It is difficult to let it go and accept what is. I think it is worth the effort.