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Possessed

Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2014 12:33 am
by Raindrop
I was talking to a fellow about a possible relationship and he said that he would be somewhat interested but that he "cannot be possessed".
I have been looking at that statement and questioning myself and the world regarding it.
Are men afraid of being possessed? Do other women want to possess them? It sure would explain years of trying to meet men only to have them flee at the first available chance....(My self esteem has imagined all sorts of terrible things about myself to explain this previously) I want a man to be nice to me, not be mean to me, talk to me, listen to me and want me sexually, possibly even long term but i do not see that as possession.
Are regular women looking for more? Marriage? Kids? Years of mortgage payments, child support, "possession"? Is this what men fear when they see me smiling at them?
I have a job, a car, money, (i care little about money or belongings) i dont want a fancy house, or kids, have no interest in wedding rings... In fact, i have everything i want but i feel dreadfully unwanted.
If i had a man to love me i would be rooted in contentment. There would be more of a reason for me to do what i do in life. I could share the abundance i have and be empowered to care about the future. What do i care about the future if i am alone?
All your opinions would be greatly appreciated...

Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 7:29 am
by Old Dragon
NO one should be left alone to the point of feeling unwanted within a civilized culture.

As enlightened human beans we are able to take social responsibility for each member of a group, unlike the animals which feast non stop with little consideration to the welfare of others in their group.

Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 8:53 am
by Akilein
human beans ... that is so cool. ;)

Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 10:52 am
by Old Dragon
[QUOTE=Creep;1105190]If you feel unwanted your looks are not great. Men usually assess a female body first then her mindset, then her attitudes. There are stupid, lazy men also, though.[/QUOTE]

Most men get what they pay for and never know the real wonders of a womans love, or even how to accept and handle it when it is right in front of them.

Careful Raindrop, theres lots of little men here dont know about big girl stuff, you might hafta use kid gloves on em LOL.

Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 11:13 am
by Telepath John
Hi,

This is a good thing to reflect on for both the guys and the gals.
Raindrop;1104691 wrote:I was talking to a fellow about a possible relationship and he said that he would be somewhat interested but that he "cannot be possessed".
I have been looking at that statement and questioning myself and the world regarding it.
Are men afraid of being possessed?
Essentially yes. Women have an ability to define how a relationship will function. More often than not this is done without what a guy would feel as mutually respectful.
Do other women want to possess them? It sure would explain years of trying to meet men only to have them flee at the first available chance....(My self esteem has imagined all sorts of terrible things about myself to explain this previously) I want a man to be nice to me, not be mean to me, talk to me, listen to me and want me sexually, possibly even long term but i do not see that as possession.
In my view, there are unbalanced inclinations for both the guys and the gals. The girl wants that commitment. The guy wonders why 'unconditional love' is required.
Are regular women looking for more? Marriage? Kids? Years of mortgage payments, child support, "possession"? Is this what men fear when they see me smiling at them?
Not really. There is a saying, which is quite correct that a woman always knows what is best for her. This is not a bad thing. What never seens to be of any consideration, from the guys point of view, is what is best for him. Conversations become one sided when the guy is informed about how things need to be. Eventually you lose the guy with that kind of outlook.
I have a job, a car, money, (i care little about money or belongings) i dont want a fancy house, or kids, have no interest in wedding rings... In fact, i have everything i want but i feel dreadfully unwanted.
If i had a man to love me i would be rooted in contentment. There would be more of a reason for me to do what i do in life. I could share the abundance i have and be empowered to care about the future. What do i care about the future if i am alone?
All your opinions would be greatly appreciated...
Boys and girls are different. The goal is to disvover a kind of mutual respect that seems lacking in our culture. This lack of respect resides in both genders as I see these things.

I hope my views on this subject will be useful in some way.

John

Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 12:37 am
by Yummyhen
Seek for contentment on the inside. Do not rely on others for contentment as it is not where you will find it.

Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 9:04 am
by Raindrop
Knowing that life is about being content by yourself and yet wanting someone to love is like knowing that life is about evolving and BEing and yet wanting a job that you can DO that you enjoy. It is good to know the real reasons behind existence but the esoterical doesn't seem to fill the needs.
:) I know, you don't have the answers. I shall just have to come up with them on my own :)

Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 10:25 am
by Raindrop
Oh to be a dog and chase my own tail! And here I am spending all my time chasing other's tails :)
It seems to lead to the same thing though, spending a lot of time and energy and never catching anything.

Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 11:58 am
by Old Dragon
feels good though, thats why everyone does it.

Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 1:20 pm
by climbing
Raindrop;1104691 wrote:I was talking to a fellow about a possible relationship and he said that he would be somewhat interested but that he "cannot be possessed".
So he says he's "somewhat interested" and then immediately drops a major hint that he's not looking for a relationship? Move on.

Any guy who warns you that he "can't be possessed" isn't looking for commitment. It's that simple. He's told you that pretty clearly, so I'd not bother with him.

To answer your questions:
Are men afraid of being possessed?
Those who fear commitment, sure. If they don't fear commitment itself, they may have had ultra-controlling girlfriends in the past and fear what he THINKS that commitment might mean to you. This is something you could talk to him about, but I'd still take being told that as a major red flag.
Do other women want to possess them?
Depends on how you mean that word, but in general, yes, I'd say so. I definitely want to possess my boyfriend. I want him to do the same to me.
It sure would explain years of trying to meet men only to have them flee at the first available chance
No, that is something else. You're going for the wrong guys. There are plenty of men who long for a committed relationship and would be totally cool with being "possessed" by you. Ask yourself why you are choosing the emotionally unavailable guys.
I want a man to be nice to me, not be mean to me, talk to me, listen to me and want me sexually, possibly even long term but i do not see that as possession.
It's a relationship. It's normal to want that regardless of what you call it.
Are regular women looking for more? Marriage? Kids? Years of mortgage payments, child support, "possession"? Is this what men fear when they see me smiling at them?
Yes for me for everything but the child support. Child support would imply you broke up, and I don't think anyone goes into a relationship wanting that. And like I said, many men want all of these things too. It has nothing to do with men vs women. You're attracting unavailable men for some reason. Most guys I've been with wanted to marry me much more than the opposite.
I have a job, a car, money, (i care little about money or belongings) i dont want a fancy house, or kids, have no interest in wedding rings...
You make it sound like if you DID want those things, it would be a crime or something. It's fine if you don't, bu either way, there is NOTHING wrong with that! There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting your partner to provide you with money, a car, a home. If you've got all that covered and don't feel you need it, great! That just means you will be happier on your own until you meet the right person. However, many men want kids, so that one will work against you as much as for you.

Just like anyone else, you just have to find the right person who wants what you do.
In fact, i have everything i want but i feel dreadfully unwanted.
This feeling is where you should begin your work. Why aren't you connecting to all you have to offer?
i have and be empowered to care about the future. What do i care about the future if i am alone?
Why do you need another person to care about the future?

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 10:01 am
by Indigovirgo
I'm sorry he sounds like an ass. Possessed? Please more like intimacy issues and mommy complex. Booooo!!!!
some guys feel that a exclusive relationship not matter how casual or detached is a form of possession. These types need not be in relationships cause they are putting too many conditions on terms. Also they turn up to be very jealous and possessive themselves!!! Hahaha oh wow that's just nuts.

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 10:25 am
by Raindrop
Thankyou muchly Climbing and Indigovirgo, you make me feel better.
I don't think the possession fellow and I can be an item, not because of his issues (I would have happily dealt with them) but just because we are on different paths. I really find that I do not understand romantic relationships at all. Another fellow asked me if "All I wanted was sex". That threw me for a tailspin too.
My thinking went: I would like a man to have sex with but I couldn't have sex with him unless I trusted him. And if I trusted him and he treated me well, why wouldn't I love him. And if I loved and trusted him, he treated me well and the sex was good, why would we not spend the rest of our lives together. So yes, all I want is sex, and to be with him for the rest of my life...
:)

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:12 am
by Sunsmiles
OMG! Poor ol' dragon. Might as well drown him then roast him on a spit lol. I know ol dragon, poor bastard, you dont want to know his story. He is protecting you from his past. He doesnt want to be alone either, he sees you as an innocent, he is not. He said it would be wrong to drag you down to his level, that you deserve better than his ilk. He is right there.

eeny meany mynee moe, catch a dragon by the toe. Then what?

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:30 am
by Raindrop
That's just the thing. I know he is protecting me and I love him for it. He is the best dragon of them all and I would so enjoy having him as my own. But it is all right. I shall find another. Not like him but it will be good. Dragons need to be free to burn up the past. They don't mind the flames but others may get burnt if they are too close. Poor ol' dragon, indeed...

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:54 am
by Sunsmiles
Hmm, Raindrop huh? I wonder if you are'nt more of a dragons egg, maybe a water dragon's egg? No matter, you seem like a good egg anyway. I can hear the tinkling of water within your thoughts, nice!

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 12:09 pm
by Raindrop
How nice of you to say, Sunsmiles! I am a Raindrop in a world of rainbows and unicorns. I have only lived under the rainbow and spent my days in the sunshine. I know nothing of the dark places where dragons dwell. I need to find another creature of the brightness to be my mate....We shall dwell in sweet ignorance but trust that there are wise ol' dragons dealing with the darker shades of life :)

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:16 pm
by Sunsmiles
I wish you happy hunting under rainbows, may the pot of gold guide you to wisdom.