Ive been under tremendous pressure from my family, friends, and self to perform at a high level in college academically. Lately, my personal life has been placed on hold, and at the expense of naturally occurring biological and chemical processes in my body, I've allowed no real outlet for pleasure, whether physical, emotional, or anything.
Friendship comes easily for me because I consider the world my friend. I am discerning when it comes to allowing my personal energy to be used or shared, and I've experienced people who drain my energy in an inequitable fashion... I usually know how to deflect these attempts by just speaking frankly when provoked.
I recently enjoyed some extremely brief correspondence with a friend on the forum through PM, and out of the blue I felt drawn to this person. I was drawn not so much by what was shared but toward the energy I sensed coming from her. She's a mother, something I want to be someday. She's a wife, another longing since the time I was a little girl.
The dilemma.. I began to feel an obsession that usually shows up in my life coming from the other side. I found myself thinking about her all hours of the day, wondering what she was doing, and more unnerving, wondering if she ever thought about me. I wouldn't say that the attraction is sexual, but highly emotional, which can express itself physiologically.
Even as I share this, I feel some shame to think that I might have the capability for obsession. I know how sacred our energy is. I always protect myself from unwanted advances from others, even mental... And yet the wheels turn and I come lately face to face with myself.
Aside from the obvious fact that I gracefully back away from this person (at least not presume further contact unless she initiates it), I also wish for anyone who has experienced anything like this to comment with your thoughts.