I met this one girl who seemed to be the result of a manifestation i'd been causing, we had a strong connection before even talking. As it seems there are some people who are in "tune" to my emotions (When i feel something towards someone they somehow feel it/mirror it). A lot of people connect to my emotional impulses while assuming it is their own emotion, which gives me an opportunity to influence first impressions and their following domino effect. This can be really helpful because I'm not initially an expressive person, and often wait for people to show a response/interest to the emotions I emit towards them before interacting. Interestingly only some people seem to REALLY notice, while others ignore these vibes. This girl though, on the outside seemingly un-emotional showed a real interest in me, and I in her. I was confident and strong at the time, physically. We got along really well, but for some reason I hesitated to share my true feelings (in fear of rejection). As time went on i began to develop some sort of personal fear of sharing these feelings the longer i hesitated to. Eventually we grew apart, but we still flirted and talked sometimes. This developing fear was the result of a sports injury i got the same year in football, it caused me to lose a lot of weight, muscle and confidence along with all of that and much more. I developed even more problems because I could no longer work out, with my weight went my self-esteem, and along with that my desire to share my true feelings to this girl.
The reason being, when she was initially interested in me, I was built and confident. Now I am 30-40lbs lighter/weaker, and that is the root of this fear that she might not like me anymore because now I appear as a child, with a slim/fragile frame and compared to before.
Ever since this injury occurred i began to numb my pain (physical and emotional) with marijuana. Which i'm not sure is helpful.
I'm pretty much confused about what to do, whether to risk being rejected in my current form, or wait until i've rebuilt myself. Maybe it's too late already.