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Did I do it wrong?

#1
I had a girlfriend, before that we were good friends for a long time. Yesterday we broke up, I was the one forcing it.
The reason is, that she did some bad things to me, I tolerated all because I love her and I was thinking that if I forgive her first time she will change.
But it didn't go as I planed, many friends of mine even her and her friends also told me that they don't understand how could I tolerate everything that she done to me. And I told them it is my way of how I want to treat others.
So in the end I lost my strength and good will, I still love her and she love me. She told me that she know what she did, and she also know that she is losing someone that was always there for her.
Now it is really hard for me, even if I want to be with her again, I'm going against myself and I wont, it is the best for both of us. Tho she asked me if I want to write her at least once a day, I told her I will.
So people, please be honest. I'm I a weak guy, a stupid one, or I forgive to much and that make me something good I guess?
I don't know, I just know it hurts in non describable way, I lost something even tho I am not to blame, I still blame myself and I'm not even guilty...
I feel so lost now...

#3
The fear of detachment from a person we care leads to change and change means that we leave our zone of safety to pursue new things in our lives. You are not weak, you are just afraid to let it go. Questions like "how she will make it without me?" or "will I ever find anyone who will appreciate me for real?" should take some time to be answered. Also you feel sad because you hoped that she would change, you feel like a fool for believing that but now you know that can't wonder "what if I gave her a second chance?". If you know that you did your best, then don't blame yourself. Express your sadness, take time to heal from the wounds and move on. Also, by writing to her everyday, it won't let you disconnect from her. I would suggest that you completely let go, take your time to heal the wounds and then can examine the situation again and see if you really feel like writing to her.

#4
Although it may seem easier said than done, once you detach from her, there will be someone out there that really appreciates you for who you are.

But you've got to move forward so that you can see them, and they can see you. :-)

#5
Thank you for your answers, I do know all of that. I just need to express my self. As for writing it will fade away in short time, it is by itself a negative thing. Sooner or later there wont be any. You are honest folks as I see, but waiting for a time is a hard thing.

#7
opiumchild wrote:does she make you happy
She does/did, but some things need to end. I prove to my self, and many people that I was a good person, also learned a lot. So now I can just wait for some time, and be positive as always.

#8
The reason is, that she did some bad things to me, I tolerated all because I love her and I was thinking that if I forgive her first time she will change.
again, is this a person who make you happy? also... people dont change. actions change, but only she can want to change her actions for herself-not for you. a person only changes by wanting to be a better version of themselves for them, not you. otherwise it tends to be only temporary.
they don't understand how could I tolerate everything that she done to me. And I told them it is my way of how I want to treat others.

So in the end I lost my strength and good will
Dont let anyone take advantage of you. Even if you feel that you are doing good, remember one most ALWAYS take care of themselves first. If you keep giving away your food, soon you will have no food to feed yourself or to give. learn when to give and when not to give.



again. does she make you happy?



I might sound harsh, but I feel i've been in similar situations. the one i love the most in the entire world, is also the one who has hurt me the most. It has been a long lesson coming, each time i lay my soul bare for him to walk over, and each time he does. I wind up feeling hurt and broken, regardless of all the sweet words.

After awhile though... i get tougher. much like a callous. so vulnerable at first but after awhile it builds up thick skin, so that things hurt less.

I have learned... yes... waiting. But not waiting as in "Waiting". At this moment i am able to look at the world through my circumstances, and see everything as temporary. this is not the same me from 2 months ago, and this will not be the same me in 2 months from now. It helps curb expectation. I am always so fearful that if i say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing everything will fall apart like dust through my fingers. and it has truly, so many times. but it keeps coming back, another chance. maybe someday i will run out of chances. maybe i already have. but it unfolds and unfolds and unfolds. I am learning to be content with watching it unfold. curbing the expectation of what SHOULD be versus what WILL be. if that makes any sense.

I will not condemn this girl. I have done loved ones wrong as well. but you do not deserve to be with someone, or in a situation, that makes you unhappy.


when it is RIGHT it will be RIGHT.


we are only human, and this life just a series of lessons and experiences.... so no worries <3

#9
Zeljko Milutinovic wrote:...she did some bad things to me, I tolerated all because I love her and I was thinking that if I forgive her first time she will change... I'm I a weak guy, a stupid one, or I forgive to much and that make me something good I guess?
I don't know, I just know it hurts in non describable way, I lost something even tho I am not to blame, I still blame myself and I'm not even guilty...
I feel so lost now...
First of all Zeljko, you [i:1lybs43o]can't[/i:1lybs43o] do it wrong. Relationship is the toughest game on the planet - and one of the most important/critical ones in our evolution. Being 'in relationship' - with others, with family/friends etc. is how we learn important lessons that we could never learn on our own. So take a minute and just be pleased with yourself.

There are many lessons for you to learn from this relationship that will make a huge difference for you going forward in all aspects of your life. I'm not going to get into them all here but just a few concepts to explore to get you started:

Every relationship you are in (yes, even your parents/boss etc...), you are in [i:1lybs43o]by your agreement[/i:1lybs43o]...

No one [i:1lybs43o]does[/i:1lybs43o] anything to you - it is all you 'doing it' to yourself, it all stops when you decide it is enough already and you learn certain lessons...

You are giving away your infinite power by playing in emotions like blame/guilt and other fear-based emotions. They are simply unconscious reactions/habits you have learned from a young age (and in other lifetimes). They are baggage that impact/undermine all aspects of your life. They have to go....

An intimate relationship needs to have purpose, otherwise there will be nothing there when the initial attraction inevitably starts to fade...the "I love her, she loves me" stuff is largely "I like her because she is like me (in some way(s))" and vice versa. It is important to have in a relationship, but it is a very small aspect of 'Love'. More important/key are aspects of Love such as respect/dignity/sincerity/kindness/appropriateness need to be in place if you are going to have an uplifting/meaningful/sustainable relationship. She is there (and 'doing' these things to you) to help you learn this lesson - that you need to cultivate these energies in yourself and in your life - all areas/aspects. It will have a profound effect on the kind of people that then gravitate towards you going forward. It is all about [b:1lybs43o]you being who you [i:1lybs43o]really[/i:1lybs43o] are[/b:1lybs43o].

Best,
*e

#10
Hello,

To be honest with you I would drop her like a bomb and never turn to even consider looking at her. She does not deserve a person like you. It’s not that you are being too nice it’s the fact that you are giving the best of yourself to the wrong person. Love is complicated, but it has its rewards if you don’t give up on it, meaning give yourself a change to try it again with another person till you find the one. Enjoy your pain cry it out, feel how your tears hurt your face like acid put a mark on them and put them in the bank of your memories, keep them as a symbol of compassion for the one that didn't know any better (u). Walk forward allow your tears to dry. If you don’t do so you will kick yourself in the rear at a later time. Don’t be her friend anymore she will never value (change) if you just hand yourself to her without consequence. Unless you enjoy pain? Then do the opposite and hurt till you hurt no more then you will be free from punishing yourself.

#11
Zeljko Milutinovic wrote:I had a girlfriend, before that we were good friends for a long time. Yesterday we broke up, I was the one forcing it.
The reason is, that she did some bad things to me, I tolerated all because I love her and I was thinking that if I forgive her first time she will change.
But it didn't go as I planed, many friends of mine even her and her friends also told me that they don't understand how could I tolerate everything that she done to me. And I told them it is my way of how I want to treat others.
So in the end I lost my strength and good will, I still love her and she love me. She told me that she know what she did, and she also know that she is losing someone that was always there for her.
Now it is really hard for me, even if I want to be with her again, I'm going against myself and I wont, it is the best for both of us. Tho she asked me if I want to write her at least once a day, I told her I will.
So people, please be honest. I'm I a weak guy, a stupid one, or I forgive to much and that make me something good I guess?
I don't know, I just know it hurts in non describable way, I lost something even tho I am not to blame, I still blame myself and I'm not even guilty...
I feel so lost now...
It sounds like you are a kind-hearted type of guy that can see the best in the worst. It's disappointing that people like you are usually the ones that people take advantage of and abuse.

You remind me of how use to be in early childhood. I made connections with the most tortured souls...maybe i was one and didn't realize it. Perhaps, people like you are here to remind people what good intentions looks like...and when those people lose you, they learn not to take things for granted. It shows the tortured souls what having a "heart" looks/feels like.

But, it's because your heart is so huge, that you tolerate so much BS. You saw the good in her...even until now. You are not weak, you among one of the strongest big-hearted people on this earth. You were the one to end that toxic relationship....you did it.

#12
Zeljko Milutinovic wrote:She does/did, but some things need to end. I prove to my self, and many people that I was a good person, also learned a lot. So now I can just wait for some time, and be positive as always.
You don't need to show anyone that your a good person. It will show.

#13
I didn't read the entire post. I got stuck at the line "she will change".

Do not EVER hope or assume that someone will change. EVER.
Just because you love someone does not mean that you need to be with them.
You can love someone and not love what they do.
Do not second guess your decision.
If you felt the need to leave, there's a reason why. Trust yourSelf. Trust your own wisdom.

<3
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