We fool ourselves, letting us fall deeper into the false world we created for ourselves but in some point the bubble bursts and we’re left bare and vulnerable.
The most curious and unexplainable thing is that the truth was in front of our eyes all this time and yet we chose to ignore it.
This vulnerability immunizes us and makes us something else, something we never thought about before, the complete opposite of what we were in the beginning.
And so walls find themselves standing as a shield over our hearts and feelings. We become cold sarcastic creatures we isolate ourselves and don’t care. Or at least that’s what we convince ourselves. But that’s not the truth.
We feel every word, every motion every sound.
and we do open up- and then get hurt again. And then we ask ourselves- why did we do that? why did we let ourselves open up and show weakness.
The answer is- we just did. Because although all the words we say, although this entire isolated cold exterior we still seek that warmth called love.
What is love after all? What is this feeling, this emotion everyone is talking, about the promised warmth? Do we really can’t exist without it?
There are those who will tell you yes, love is the most important emotion in humanity and without it we are worthless. But a lot of other people will look at you with an empty gaze, with no emotions and tell you: ‘who are you kidding?’
Love is a foreign word to them; they never knew that feeling never got to witness it.
Where was love when they heard their parents shouting at one other throwing and breaking everything that was near them from all the anger they felt.
Where was love when they were beaten to death because of a small mistake they’ve done, or because they’ve done something that wasn’t in their hands to control- lived?
But not everyone is like that, isolated.
There are others who laugh, smile, dress beautifully – they do everything to hide the real pain they feel in their hearts. The mask of happiness glued to their faced every time they were in a public place. They’re friendly, they’re intelligent and they are great students, but no one knows them really to the depth.
No one knows the sensitive part of them, the scared and hurt children that just want happiness and love. To be accepted for whom they are, to know and feel at least once in their life that emotion, that foreign emotion.
In their house they hide in a dark corner, breathing and exhaling fast and scared breaths. With every sound made their heartbeat accelerate.
And then it comes, the beatings. Bruise after bruise, a slap, a kick a whipping, every hit stronger than the one before. The sobbing doesn’t bother them, they keep on going. When they finally had enough, when they finally let all their anger out they left the room without looking back.
Their parents love them. That’s what they told them at school. So that’s love.
The pain, the scars, the blood – yeah that’s love. The love they know.
When we hear the word love the first thing we think of is the fairytales in which the prince meets the princess, they get married and live happily ever after, or in the children movies, the love movies where the good always wins. But we know love as a manipulative lie.