Felita wrote: ↑
Fri Mar 29, 2019 11:30 am
I lost myself, I don't know who I am anymore.. They call me Felita but, is that who I really am?
I was once a strong, happy, crazy, adventurous girl. I see vision in many ways, when I sleep or even when I am focused. I gain knowledge and I constantly growing psychicly.
Until one day, I give it all to my college. I did all the work I have to do, I got hurt by the people around me, I was stressed and now, I am lost. I couldn't focus or even cry like I used to. I couldn't speak with justice and kindness. I became those girls who want popularity, who wants to be liked by the society cause for once finally they accepted me.
Today, I took out my crystal, I sat down and I asked myself to speak. I finally cried and I said "You have lost so much... You don't deserve what you have because you deserve more. You had sacrificed too much. Why didn't you listen to the children's cry anymore? Why didn't you find the new born and guide them along the path when they are lost? Why do you have to focus on your dumb life when you could have so much more. You have the gift and you wasted it...", to myself. I then realise I was using my turquoise and holding a fluorite with me. I finally let out my dying mind.
I want to serve this world again.. I was so much more. I was blinded by the toxic society where position and recognition is important. I screamed at myself and knowing I have given up way too much. I couldn't find any vision anymore. I want to be back to who I really am. I really need help, please.
You are who you decide to be; you are not necessarily bound to standards or expectations.
Sometimes we change. Sometimes we are not who we used to be. That is natural; it is the process of living, experiencing and growing or at least changing.
I can resonate a little bit with your story; I was also popular and crazy at some point in my life and now I am in this crazy spiritual journey. This has changed me in some ways; I am not the same person i used to be. Sometimes I do miss some things from the past though. The good thing is that those things and experiences are still there, possible to reach again as soon as I feel ready again.
I also sacrified a lot. I know about sacrifices for a greater good and how challenging they can be. Indeed this can make one feel quite lost at some point.
I just want to say that I perceive great potential in you; really. I think you are just going through realizations and perhaps releases but I think you will be fine and in the right path since you are becoming aware of these aspects of your life. This is positive for you and allows you to make the decisions to be who you want to be and to do what you really want to do. I do not think you lost who you were. If anything, these experiences and realizations are just adding to who you are and can bring value to you.
In the end you have your gift and the freedom to decide how to live and who to be. You have the freedom and the power; the past is the past; it is gone now. If we changed, we changed. But now we can create whatever reality we choose with our current awareness.