THE ONE AND ONLY GOD...Father...Spirit

#1
This is something completely new that I have run across in my research into who I am. When I read every trait...IT was me...from the beginning. From 2 I felt different. It was as if I could read peoples motives. As I was aging (born 1966) ,I found myself watching and observing humans behavior and I was very black and white...very good...or terribly horrible depending on the treatment given. My step father at the age of 5-6 married my co-dependent mother from a horribly abusive home with an alcoholic father. My stepfather did 3 tours Vietnam...green beret...and did not come back real normal...I was treated completely different than my younger sister and brother...cruel. I can remember from about the age of 7 I just wanted to go home...to a Father ...friend...who would talk to me and tell me things. When I would run into the house to tell my mom...she would say..."I have a scripture for that!" How do you know these things and I would say God. He was my best friend and really only friend fore I just did not play well with others and preferred to just hang out with him...all the time. As I grew older and entered 12-13 I changed and became very angry with my step-father and rebelled when I thought I could get away with it. By 15-16 I was in full blown madness but extremely intelligent but really did not have social skills even though I could fake at times. In high school I was voted most artistic...needless to say I was not popular and was bullied.

I remember at the age of 17 ... and filled with so much resentment and anger... I came around the corner into the kitchen and my mom was underneath the table...washing the floor...sobbing...moaning...groaning and speaking in a different language. Angrily I said..."What are you saying!...and she said..."She did not know". At that point ...very indignant... I yelled "How do you not know what YOU are saying?!" {The back story for why she was crying was because my dad had beat me again with a belt and would not stop because I refused to cry." By then we lived on acres of property in southern Ohio and there was this huge hill where we baled hay across the road from the house . I can remember running up that hill and falling to the ground at the top and I rolled over and looked up into the sky...weeping...moaning...at the core of my being. I cried out..."If there is anyone up there my mom is talking to..."I just want to be a {DADDY's GIRL}. In an instant there came a crow and immediately I was in the bird looking through it's eyes and could see everything from the sky...everything...and I went a long way and would circle the 200 acre property. But at that point I woke up everyday wanting to die...and go to heaven to be with my dad...my only true friend. Everyday...I wanted to kill myself...everyday from 1980 until February 5th, 2005 when I should have been dead but did not die. The next morning...as clear as a bell...I heard him say..."YOUR alive for a reason dummy...but in a playful kind concerned way... and at that point I quit trying to kill myself but still wanted to die. Everytime I wanted to die...all I would say and weep and beg..."I just want to go home...please take me home!" BUT for years I would tell people ..."I'm special...and meant it...until the age of 33 and I stopped saying it and started journaling everything he gave me... April 1, 2001 when I was introduced to

TIME 11:11 P.M GOODNIGHT...
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